do we worry too much

I miss the times i was overseas on some expedition. I miss roughing it out in jungles, crossing rivers, swimming in dirty rivers for recreation, running in the rain to the nearest shelter, building little shelters, waking at 530am for group QT.
But then again....
We have it too here in singapore. its just that whatever we do is a lot more modernised. we are still working, in the rainy weather, talking to people, getting rejected, running (except in the rat race this time). sometimes i feel the only thing we gotta look out especially here is that we take care of our healths and others' (people around) healths and well being. sometimes work gets the better of us and the fear of losing what we have (aka money). maintaining our money in the bank becomes more important than our happiness, our sleep, our health, our enjoyment of life and what God has provided and will provide.
Jesus said,
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
If you look around, you will see that thise verse is true. Matt 6:26

cured my phobia

reflecting, i realised things i was afraid of in 2006 till oct 2010, now i'm no more afraid of. Working experience does cure phobias big time. :)

my lamest blog

Sigh there were comments from 1 friend that my this blog is lame. but seriously i designed it to be lame and almost blameless....what to do when....the whole world knows this blog. right anot?

So you must know where you keep your info...on the rite spaces. heh.
I am currently very occupied for various performance reasons, with the song......."Identity" by Lecrae, a black american, christian hip hopper.(check out his fantastic youtubes)
This whole week has made me seriously think.......can i do this job?

Is this what i want long term? Is this what God wants for me? Is this what I want or what my friends think i can do? Is this what i believe i can do deep down? Or is this what my friends suggested i can do? Is this a job i chose cos my good friends are in it? Or is it what i personally have a desire for and confidence in? Even if my friends say "i don't think its an easy job." or "Are you the type for this?" do i really believe i can do it? is my interest and confidence enough to sustain through longer haul? see? i don't EVEN trust what good friends suggest or advice 100%. I tried praying very seriously sunday night. on my knees. before i drifted into dreamworld, just before the dream started, there seemed to be this impression of being in a job (maybe not now) where it was possible for me to travel overseas. i duno......if you see a map and a sail boat, or compass.....hopefully some lobang for overseas placements in future. but maybe its a job where i start small
and in sg.

last weekend's sermons

Ok....I was really ministered to by an Indonesian pastor who shared all the trials of his life and in others back in his hometown and how You have brought them through and sometimes, healed them completely.

First point he mentioned was "If anyone of u is sick or even have cancer, don't just sit there and wait to be healed. Go out there and pray for others WORSE than you.You will be surprised at God's results."

Second point that struck me to the spirit was this "How is it possible that a life lived with God in the centre can EVER be miserable?"

how can a life lived with God in the centre EVER be miserable?

I was feeling a little down or disappointed yesterday. Still i decided to go for the interview that I already agreed to go for. No doubt i was late but my last student, Yoon Siik seemed not to be coming for class (Very late) so I told my colleague to take him should he come.
After the long squeezy mrt ride where everyone had just enough space to breathe and shake a little in their 1 square foot standing space, i finally arrived. This is it! Late! I'm either going to get asked to come back the next time there are interviews or get turned down at the entrance.
Surprisingly, they let me come into the group interview. I was reluctant to start. No way would someone as displaced (feeling at that time), out of place, unprepared and unsure about myself do well presenting a 15 min lesson to the group of other interviewees. I even told the interviewer twice, "Please let me go. I am sorry but I didn't prepare anything. I'll come back the next time round."
Twice she insisted for me to stay by reminding me about my previous teaching experience (teach what you taught before) and that I should just do my best since I was already there.
Ok....might as well, I thought. I didn't want to spoil the mood of everyone there as they were hopeful and enthusiastic and I was like trembling or tongue tied with writer's block (or lesson block) inside. So i scrambled to write some notes down and the memories came back. Science lesson? No....i forgot my facts. Maths lesson? No....Too boring I won't even be interested in my lesson. English lesson? Ok....Then the ideas rolled in. Just like that. From the 2 day training course i had on teaching in january, to charades i played with friends, to the beautiful story about Jackie Robinson.
The group dynamics was good. Everyone wanted to make friends with everyone after that. A life lived with God in the centre miserable?

to the KL and back

Was surprised by the pleasantness and bonded-ness of everyone on this trip. There were very very funny hiccups on the first day, on the way there, but eventually, things got sorted out. I just knew in my gut, gut feeling? that the 3rd car driving up to KL, given the combination of people on it, would result in th 4 of them getting lost. I was kinda anticipating it.
For one, the 4 of them, except 1, were the playful and jovial/chatty sort. Who seemed less street-wise literally. They would be more focussed on the group being happy, and talking to everyone. What navigation would result unless they were born and bred in KL? Sigh. FYI, that car finally reached KL only at 7.30pm way after all our dinners were eaten. They looked very tired, frustrated but relieved. They became closer friends as a result.

Not bad eh....3 lost people + 1 streetwise person still = lost. Lol.They were armed with GPS too, on phone and on computer....
.....While we (2nd car) had nothing but 3 streetwise ppl + 1 sleeping beauty which still = Found the place quickly.

The 1st car went alone by itself to reach only around the same time as us.
I only remembered walking aimlessly around some mall. BATA was there! i got 2 pairs of sandals at $12 and $14! My head was crying out to go back to sleep so I (my mind) was totally not there. The night before we were clowning around at botanic gardens trying to sing carols or practice. And i was too excited about road trip to sleep. So again, 2 to 3 hours of sleep does damage!!

I never remembered the shopping nor the malls, nor the massage place nor the hotel. What i remembered and treasured were the friendships and the spiritual insight, fears and hopes, dreams i shared with people on the trip.

you can't plant and grow the seed

Ergh.....When you're really uncomfortable about life and in life at times, or feel lost or demoralized or worse down in the dumps, that's when the Bible or Word of God really speaketh to you (to me actually). Ok for the record, i'm definitely not down in the dumps nor depressed. I'm just doing damage prevention for days like that.

lol....I just mean that we all have days like that but it should remain as "a day" and the bible says "do not let the sun go down on your anger" but i feel it should also be said, "do not let the sun go down on your down-ness".

I was suddenly reminded of the parable of the sower today and about sowing seeds into people around, not matter how little the seed may be or how little you think you can speak/talk, a seed is still better than no seeds sown into your friend's life.

As much as one can sow a seed, someone at church told me, only God can grow it. A very good reminder for us to Do our part but leave the results to Him. Not by human effort but what God wills and does.

1 Corinthians 3
5 What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. 6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. 7 So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8 The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. 9 For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

i wanna know what love is....

Today was an amazing workout again, this time really emphasizing on building up to the 5 Dec Standard Chartered event that 15000 or more Singaporeans are going for...I like the anticipation of preparing for something. jogging is one of the best ways to really talk to God and refresh yourself of important things to plan for mostly goals like career, friendships, and important events.

I also walked home from near, not exactly at, my workplace again. And the Mariah carey song "I wanna know what love is" kept ringing in my mind....and what my ex colleagues were discussing about love yesterday. I agree, love is an action word. A verb.

But the bible has its own version of love. Love is patient, love is kind.....etc. But this love is built into one's character first. It looks like for us Christians, we have to actually store up/build up our love tank first. Then we can give to another.

So it now adds on to 1) Building love in our hearts first, receiving love from God. then 2) Giving to others through actions and deeds and words

"Love", really?

Notice how the world especially the usa, ok it all started from the USA (oops no offence again), who used the words "LOVE" so easily...My colleague loves (oops used again) to tell us girl colleagues this: "You guys nowadays use the word "LOVE" so freely and easily, its as though, what - you think love DROPS on your lap or something? you fall IN and OUT of love?"
"You know what love really is?" he continued..
"Love is like those senior couples we meet on the streets at 60 or 70 years old, they're still holding hands.Or your parents fought the day before and the next day, your mom still wakes up at 5am to make tea for your dad. Like as though nothing happened."

Argh.....so we discussed 3 of us.....and we came to the conclusion that love is 1) a verb (actions) and 2) grows in a relationship and 3) is proven with time

plastic surgery

No, in case you're reading and wondering if i went or am ever considering this, the answer is NO. a firm no. I'm talking about issues, or things that really hit hard the human psyche, to the point that it changes your heart.Why do women even NEED plastic surgery, they are pretty the way they are with just some grooming of the hair and glasses and makeup and dressing. tip: look at magazines. Bring out the best

I would never imagine that reading KIDS books..would create a well of emotions in me about different people groups and people in other countries so much. Despite them being English books for kids, each book and illustration tells a story and brings out a moral so strong sometimes that I really weep.

I was really touched when i read about how black baseball players were not allowed on baseball teams in usa too. and finally this coach decided to make his stand and say "I just want a player that plays well. Don't care about his skin color" and advertised for a black player that would "have the courage of NOT FIGHTING BACK, no matter how he was treated."

Jackie, the guy who signed up for this post on the team, had to deal with so much ill treatment but he stuck to his promise, "to have the courage not to fight back". Indeed looking around and at myself, i realise it takes so much more COURAGE and i duno, gentleness and humility, not to fight back than fight back. Its always easier to fight back, to pull the trigger, to shove hurt back, to retaliate and the world teaches us better, "give them a taste of their own medicine". Proverbs talks about "Better a man who can control his anger than a man who can conquer cities".

And oh yes the end of the story was this: Jackie had to go through all the hardships at first in fitting in with the team. He STUCK to his promise: To have the courage to not fight back.

Then on one of his matches, the fans started to get angry when they saw a black player and threw their drinks at him. His teammate a white decided to stand up for him and took bold steps towards the middle of the field......and put his arm around Jackie, telling the crowd this. "Stop. Jackie is my FRIEND." The crowd was stunned.

Ultimate wisdom and the final authority

U know what? I realised you can read soooo many dozens and even tons of books from Christian writers, even christian writers. But nothing beats the Good Old Bible which IS still the final authority. Yes, final. U saw it, final.

Almost every step of life is already predicted with words of wisdom given there.

avoiding any Mr Wrongs

Speaking on behalf of single ladies who are anything like me:
Examples of Mr Wrongs:
1) Emotionally unstable
2) Don't have an ongoing relationship with God
3) Have vices (smoking drinking gambling, etc)
4) Are different person at work, in real life, with family, friends
5) Not Honest
6) No love for others
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
by Dov Heller, M.A.

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the 1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone'; You need a lot more.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone.What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life. Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. An abusive person is someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? A good person Is "someone always striving to be good and do the right thing"? What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self's absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:

* How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.
* How do they treat their parents and siblings?
* Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse.
If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective...
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention...
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones don't appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and caring words or annotations.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye';

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self esteem make you blind to warning signs.

Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

Writer's block (very lame post)

You know sometimes if you teach too much or if you have the occupation "hazard" of being a writer, journalist or teacher, you actually get writer's block in your own journals or blog because you have said everything you want to say already.

So here I am.....fumbling. I am just really glad thus far at least from start of the week till now the Lord has been really good to people around me and myself. And...he does put us through trials at times and even for myself....it was serious tiredness from running a job or work marathon. I have been working non stop in whatever job I have landed since January this year. There has been job switches and all but still the fact remains, I have not stopped working despite some of them giving very low pay only. But nonetheless the experience, whether friendships forged, or insightful conversations, character building and lessons learnt, has always been very valuable.

Maybe i should be wiser and choose high paying jobs but how can I go against my own conviction and "advice" to others and journals written.....and choose money or status (being in a big company) over passion and calling (what i like and do best).

As you read remember that i already said this would be a lame post where i'm writing
70% for the sake of writing. Now the book by C.S. Lewis I took so long to read last year though it was a thin book, seems more applicable.

but as for me....

I can't believe my moods can be this erratic sometimes. It's all circumstantial sometimes or rather, the word "memory based" which really should not be the case. At times like these i remember people in the bible who went through bad times.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forget it. It's not that i will stop bother what people say. I just will not TRY to please people....anymore. I have had it. I will just please God first and then if anything else or people choose to be pleased, then they will please themselves. if that is even possible. :s why are people so hard to please? you please one group and the other group doesn't like it. for-get-it. i will choose to trust in God, put my hope in His plans and let the rest of my life be at rest in His stability. Of course, I'd still put in my best in er.....the work or job i choose. and calling(s) i have which is what i'm trying to put my finger on in defining. some SDU club for singles, or some...non profit dating, meeting thingy. or some...social something. or kids hangout, or young adults community...

Suddenly This song was a great source of encouragement, a song from Psalty (the singing songbook). Reminds me of my childhood days running around bawling it out around the house but always wondering what it meant:

You gotta choose this day whom you're gonna serve
Choose this day whom you're gonna serve
But as for me and my house (we will serve Him)
As for me and my house (We will love Him)
As for me and my house
We will serve the Lord
Joshua 24 : 15
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everything in life is about the person's focus. And things that matter to him/her/them at that moment/period in time. And reading "Women - God's secret weapon" by Ed Silvoso recently and ongoingly, i find that the Enemy, the devil likes to shift our focuses away from the right things. shift it away from what is good and of God.
It's either a sudden distraction or a slow and gradual sin or focus away from things of God.
It is God's intention to unite women to men. The gender fights and inequality and disparity has been ongoing too long.
I feel women should know their/our value in God's eyes for we were created from another human and not from dust direct. (heehee)

devotion

Adapted from ODJ "Our Daily Journey" Dec 17
This devotional spoke to me yesterday while i was seriously making decisions.

"We have some friends, a young married couple, living with us. Finished with one part of their university studies we've applied to a variety of graduate schools to continue their coursework. But they have no idea where they will end up. The possibilities are all over the map from Boston to Vancouver. They filled out many applications and been through interviews and carefully considered options. Now all they did was to pray and wait for the day the postman brings news of the future.

Psalms 5 begins with a straightforward request "O Lord hear me as I pray pay attention to my groaning" The psalmist King David was experiencing some measure of loss, sorrow or torment. He was in pain "groaning". In his difficult place, David wanted God to hear His agony. He needed God to listen to his "cry for help".

David didn't run to his advisors or wife or he many wise sages of his court for aid. None could help him. He didn't roll up his sleeves and pore over documents, figuring out a solution to his predicament.

He knew he couldn't help himself so he went directly to the only One who could meet him in his darkness. "I pray to no one but You," David said. David waited, watching for God. David's only work was not to work. He waited, watching for God. He decided to bring his heart and hope to God then to wait expectantly.

The Message Bible puts it this way "Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend." --Winn Collier

the toughest dilemma

Sigh.....have you ever been in the toughest, stickiest (very hard to get out of) dilemma. yes call it a good problem as most would but it was horrible for me. I said "yes" to two job offers and then....u this week i had the horrendous task of rejecting one cos there's no way u can split yourself into two and do both jobs (duh).

I was debating between 1) passion (a job scope i really loved) and 2) Ok but quite a fresh job scope but more practical practicality (in terms of working hours and salary) and guess which won in the end?

Er....pragmatism. Yes note the hesitation. I was always the strong advocate of people following their heart or passion in a job. However this is not what i put into action for myself. But wait, I really wasn't offered enough (salary and freedom in working hours) for the first job offer. Sigh. AND aren't we singaporeans all the same? We always do what we HAVE to do first.

My thinking is this....I was given quite a golden opportunity and failing to seize it would mean a big chance/work experience missed. and seldom do you get a chance to work in interesting places (to me) like this one. I do love helping random people in a customer service environment, administratively, like doing paper work for them, registering them for this and that, even giving them advice from what i know.
As for teaching, yes its in my blood (a cousin and my mom are teachers).

But hey, who said we only have to consider JOB SCOPE? If the job meets our financial needs every month, the timings for work every day is okay, bills are paid and there is a bit of savings, wont we feel more comfortable about work and energized to meet each days's challenges? Of course passion is a good driving force as well. But that alone hm.....can I sustain my living expenses in a fast paced eveergreen metropolitan City that I'm in now?

But i was given FEEDBACK from senior teachers at the beginning of the year that i didn't seem to have the patience or the joy or whatever u call it, in teaching. But then again it was MATHs i was teaching that time. hardly my passion. this time i was given LIT to teach.....argh. But yup practicality first....like i said.

Alas, i kissed teaching goodbye at least as a full time job. but i believe when i've attained what i need to attain (experience and feeling more settled), i will DEFINITELY come back....to teach. In that private school who has a wonderful Korean couple. there will always be a korean market in singapore.

On resting and working

On rest
"In the modern, westernized world we think of our days as sun rise to sun rise. In other words, we rise, we work, and then we end the day in rest. We rest to recover from our work ... with whatever time is left over after the work is done.

However, in the ancient Jewish tradition the day runs from sundown to sundown. That's quite a different concept. In other words, we rest, then we rise and do our work. Rest becomes the source and fuel for the work rather than merely recovery from it." - Rachel Olsen

Tada! I finally got my much deserved rest and thorough proper sleep hours the last night! ahhhh........never felt soo recharged.

Genesis 2:2
By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested [a] from all his work. 3 And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

On work
Gen 3
17 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,'
"Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it
all the days of your life.

18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.

19 By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return."

passion. working hours. salary.

1) is it consistent with the Word of God?
hm, teaching is consistent. so are the other jobs in question (that i have interest in). as his hands and his feet to the rest of the world who have not known Him, teaching others is good. If we are the body, why aren't we helping, going, teaching, showing the way? Helping others through counting, engineering, or reading drawings, interpreting data, etc. Helping through administration and paper work is also a form of service unto God. If we are gifted to teach, we teach. If we are gifted to count, we count. If we're gifted to talk and meet people and not afraid of rejections, we do sales. As long as we're not harming others, not hurting others, loving God, loving people (though it may require tremendous human effort to), not stealing, it should be fine.

2) is it beneficial to me? am i being mastered by it or under its control?
Most jobs are beneficial except those morally wrong. Or those where your body is not the temple of the Holy spirit. Those where you may end up worshipping another god or be tempted to. Or that takes your time away from God and gathering of His body of people. A job that has roots (even ancient roots) in worshiping of other spirits is not too good. Or where you have to steal or kill the innocent. Grey areas exist sometimes. Bottom line: if the job is your God or if your job takes time and focus from God and quenches your thirst for Him, it may not be the right job.

3) am i hindering another person in their walk with God?
tough one. I guess modeling Christ and His ways in our reactions and attitudes especially in bad times will show others His heart. So...how do i answer this question. Being Christian is about BEING not the job you do right?

4) are my parents, and other godly believers in agreement with what i do??
They usually agree about what I do. (or that's what i perceive). Usually. Unless its morally wrong or when your closer friends have no peace about it or they have evidence and facts that this job is non-peaceful.

5) do i have the peace of God about it?
yup yup its all about Passion, then the PEACE. Then the Pay. then the Price (time's opportunity cost)

6) open doors? favour?
Ahhh this one is fun to answer. Usually i first judge it by the interviewer who is usually the boss himself/herself. If she/he likes me, i will proceed.
Next round is the people at the company. If they SEEM friendly and generally nice and look like they are growing and interested, i would take another step in. then the surroundings or building itself would come into question.

7) has God revealed His leading in dreams, visions, impressions or prophecies given through others?
I HAVE NOT BEEN HAVING VISIONS nor DREAMS about anything thus far...no directions anywhere. how??? are we to depend on these signs mainly or the Word?

8) check my heart... are my motives good before God?
ahhh....i don't know there are no motives at all in both choices. no big save the world plan at all seriously. I don't even think i'm called to save or whatever. i only want to do my psychology or counselling everywhere. hm, that is the call after all huh.

if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad?

Hm I am really analyzing this sentence in a song of the famous singer Sheryl Crow.

Ooooh just married off another one of my cousins (girl) yesterday.

I mean helped her a bit only with her reception and being 1 and half hours earlier than all the guests (which is a big feat for me if you know me).

I was actually very glad in helping, making friends with her friends and colleagues, mostly in medical field. They were all quite formal but polite and approachable and helpful. Helped erase the bad memories of this week away not that the week was THAT bad...but i was super kan Chiong (anxious in hokkien) about what to wear, how unprepared i was for a relative's wedding. And it turned out ok. Oh and i met old school mates and one old church mate who was actually related (cousins) to that ex church mate. Like my senior in NJC Council said (Miss O. whom i also met there and she is doing well) "This world is not small. We're just all very inter-connected someway or another." Miss O. was getting the wedding cake and she was congratulating me about my interviews coming up this week. And then this is the part: HAHAHAHOHOHOHEHEHE. my cousin was trying to put me with her childhood friend. She put him next to me at the dinner table hello when he's the only one not blood related to us at the table? How un-subtle can she get? Anyway she and he (groom and bride) gave each other surprise or not so surprise wedding speeches which were kinda more funny than romantic (lol). And this I am happiest to see : Equal Yokes. Of 2 believers coming together and working for the Lord. It's super important personally I feel to have this in common with the person you choose to fall in love with. Because human emotions and relationships ARE fragile, couples need that common strand to keep them going.

Sweet i love wedding days.

Truth is my job is actually the perk of my day every day and the ironic part is 1) its only a temp job!!! 2) i'm paid per hour an ok sum that pays my monthly bills 3) IT'S A JOB not a hobby or recreation, 4) Atmosphere and People here are 85% nice and reasonable almost all the time, except for 5% angry or frustrated or impatient customers who train our EQs and capacity to be nicer people (to them) and oh yes the horrible weekend crowds and overcrowded pool.:P there were a few times a monkey (should be the same one) visited the pool and played with the kids on the slides and in the kids pool. and once the pool was overcrowded by 50 people....and people still wanted to come and swim. so we had to stop them.

:( then :)

I love times which start out as :( then becomes :) in the end.
For starters, the stress is on as its my tuition kid's PSLE. So that equates to 3 or 4 tuition sessions this week in the hope that he or both of them would be motivated to stardee out of enjoying the process studying and learning new things AND not only for the sake of good grades.
Ok....what else...one big interview where i finally put my best foot forward and tried to impress the judges oops i mean the interviewers. Usually i keep wondering before and DURING the interview whether I should even have gone for the interview, whether i should put my best forward or be brutally honest about how i feel about myself in the job, and whether I would accept the job if they 'wanted' me. Lesson for the week: Putting my best foot forward despite doubting my ability to do the job.

The question i keep asking myself is What job do i have the passion for?
Without the PAssion....(oh haha....i love my temp job there by the way (pun intended)) it would be pointless unless we're dying of starvation (working for the money only).

So... so.... prospects are what you make out of it. please don't go listening to friends who advice you to choose "this or this" out of prospects because prospects are what you carve out from your own passions. you can have the strangest passion that no one else shares, but if you can turn it into something that helps people, that keeps you close to God still, that pays the bills, that uses your gifts, why not??

At the end of our lives, the Lord searches not for the medals we received but rather, the scars.

how could it not be God? (last paragraph)

The asian way of thinking sometimes makes me cringe and wonder if the values we have and get used to and evenn uphold on daily basis is actually better than the western way of thinking and doing things. I will say that no every asian is good or filial and neither is every westerner ambitious and unflilial.

I really want to do some research on this. I should read Ravi Zakarias's book "From East to the West" next on his growing up in both sides of the world.

I don't know what sort of blog posts i should put up....the abstract subject based type or the daily happenings and events reflection type...

Lastly but probably the best things that have happened to me thus far at the place i temporarily work at is this :
i've been bumping into so many people of the past whom i thought i wouldn't meet again! and these are old church mates. not old in age but i knew them in sunday school kinda thing? and over the years they've left but not left in heart but physically left to go to a nearer church to their homes or left to go with their parents somewhere God led them to go, and hey presto! there i meet them! at the place I work! So far I've met 3 or 4 of them. We were all meeting each other without planning at all. It's such an encouragement to me that i feel strongly must be from God otherwise how would it happen, by sheer coincidence? I really don't think so...

Narrowing down

Ok I have narrowed down to 2 main choices. 2 and a half because the current temp job i'm at seems tolerable and almost decent and nice. Great opportunity is there. the first proper offer came in today at long last. it was definitely a scope i have passion for and would love to grow in seriously long term and mid term.one of the jobs i could would really love.a job i can really learn a lot. cos i'm totally new but totally interested.

The other i have already tried and tested before, something i like but being creative, getting the kids to like you, and TO TALK to you, and to do well is a learning journey. inspiring them is another thing. but the best part is your on your own to get this done. its up to you to go to their level of thinking and relating to get them to love learning.

the final choice is the one im in now. er........its interesting and passive. u just sit there and wait for people to talk to you and ask strange questions about activities and handle complaints and suggestions and process administraiton work for their memberships, courses, etc. collect money. i feel like a cashier or tax collector, security guard, clerk, counsellor, information counter, public relations exec, etc.

so these are all good people jobs. :) hm, every job has a hazard and its just what i can give up and willing to give up or what i can tolerate/take every day to get to do what i do.
Factors: Interest and passion
Working hours/ days
salary
Ability to grow and learn
Environment

2 insurance closures, 2 movies, 2 interviews (in one day)

Proud of myself. If you're confused, read the title. it happened all from 10am till 11.18pm yesterday (the last event was 2nd movie).

This is the first time I have had 6 appointments, 2 of which happened to be same place as the previous appointment, so 4 places.

First interview.....very very interesting. Liked the company culture. Very multi national. Job scope ok but need tons of "Ready, shine, let's go!....(one hour plus of talking later).....Let's go to the next one." That kind of energy EVERY single day of work life. Keeps you on the move, smiling, cheerful, meeting people, and talking a lot, being creative and exciting.

Second interview...er....slower paced, very nurturing and relaxed. At own pace, doing what i like a lot. But pay wise will remain pretty much the same till...at least 1 and half years. But pay was never the first reason of consideration. Passion for a job scope is. So...

First movie: total flop. Nowhere boy the movie.
2nd movie: 4.5 stars over 5. the infidel. extremely funny but more memorable is the strong messages behind it.

By insurance closures i dont mean taking up a policy. I mean rejecting one agent and freelooking another one's policy....jialat. i am such a frugal scrooge

Like Jacob

Like Jacob I will not move until you speak.
=============================================================
You said "He was insulted but did not relaliate, he suffered and made no threats. Instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." 1 Peter 3:23
=============================================================
I am shocked and amazed you know the exact page and exact verse in the book to flip to when I can't verbalise my thoughts became troubled.

does this bug you? the entries

Er.....Ok i realised why i wrote and have written so many blog entries. It's cos i had no other outlet to really get creative. No way am i staying in the field i studied and purused for years any longer. leave it to the guys to handle it.

yup tried and tested, the white flag is up, the towel thrown in BIG TIME. As much as God desires us to persevere, I cannot leave my talents (or what i see as talents) to remain buried like in the parable of the talents.

And I must use whatever motivates me, keeps me going every day, helps others, makes someone see another tomorrow. it's gotta be original too. It's gotta be either altruistic, of direct service, communicative, creatively thinking of ideas, positive, helpful, admirable, noble....these.

Philippians 4:8

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I remember in Secondary school Sec 1, i was in a mission school (long story but regretted leaving that school big time), it was a mixed school with guys, and there was this HUGE verse on a banner in the hall. I think it was weaved into the fabric of the cloth banner in gold thread.

all those mrt posters

I like those MRT posters that go
"It doesn't matter how slow you go but that you keep going."

Ahhh....for the job changes and resume, or scars in the resume, I like to stand up for myself and say this,
"Your calling is between you and God." At the end of the day when you go back up there, you are not going to be accountable or answer your parents (unless you don't provide for them), your relatives, your best friend, your spouse, your dog(?).

I haven't totally prayed about this strong interest of mine to pursue this course of study but,

With personal interest, if He should shut the door to that interest we have, He shuts it. He is sovereign after all. This sovereignty allows us but steers us in the right direction should we be totally out of track. So we can relax on the journey. Takes away the anxiety.

silly

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Phew! I don't know how but things got resolved today. Must be God who helped. there was a good talk that opens up issues that well, some of my friends sometimes feel awkward talking about but where I have no problems with. It's always me, who has no problems with being totally myself, very honest, etc. it was almost funny.

in giving u receive

Every time I go overseas or do work or volunteer at a job that does not come naturally to me I realize I am stretched mentally and this is very rewarding.
I finally stepped into S.L. hospital on sat. And whoa, it was a lot bigger than it seemed. Tons of facilities too. Clean and cosy. Most of my cell group had to pull ourselves out of bed in the morning just to reach on time. I was fortunate to live nearby.

We waited like 1 hour 15 minutes before the Heard nurse came to brief us. Waiting really pays, come to think of it, maybe God is teaching us all a lesson to wait. And the rewards that stem from waiting. During the waiting period, we were engaged in small chat in our own groups, the guitarists trying to get their chords together and also practicing. So our waiting was not in vain. I see this as a good metaphor for waiting in life. Most of the time, a lot of good things need time to happen and this doesn't involve blind sitting around and moping but preparation and anticipation or expectation.

Finally when we could start our "show", the starting part was a bit messy, songs wise. But they LOVED our little efforts in the song choices - Theresa Teng was their favourite singer, Chinese song of The Gift was received great. At first there was no chance to share the Good News (gospel). We were chatting with them only. Then we were ushered to a special ward where there was an old lady bedridden, supposedly having quite serious dementia. She, however responded! she teared during the song and i saw her expression change. at first i thought it was merely a nostalgic reaction to Theresa teng's songs or CHINESE songs. But when we asked if we could pray the salvation prayer with her, she said yes in chinese. And she followed sentence by sentence the whole prayer.

This wasn't the first and only case. It followed by another old lady (oops, senior citizen), who clapped and sang with us. Followed by the prayer.

Then this sweet old couple. The lady was in the wheelchair as the guy had his legs amputated so she had to go over to the male ward to hear us sing. They were holding hands throughout the whole songs session. No I am no kidding. My cell group was like
"Ohhhh.......soo sweet. Look at them. *gush* " these comments include the males in the cell group. Hahahah.

Then this other old guy who spoke perfect english. He teared and said the prayer too. I didn't expect nor imagine the "senior generation" of people would be sooo...open to THE GOOD NEWS. Come on, it's the good news! accept it, Embrace it, people all over e world!

Ahh.....i wish i had the ability to write a book on relationships and love. But i'm not as equipped yet. but there is the passion lying low there. latent energy. paper journals, get ready! I heard so many interesting stories this week. Stemming from the counselling-mode/motive i have to hear people's stories out and offer prayer for them. Praying for salvations of the senior couple too.

The road to anywhere worth it is never easy but in the end, clean hands (no bad actions) and a pure heart (no bad motives) will keep me in God's will. I hope.

the trouble with facebook

my mentoring group that i'm supposed to be accountable to met up today and...we all realised that we don't like facebook or couldn't really be bothered with it. the reason being,
1) people see what others put on your wall and the info you put about yourself. - No privacy.
2) perception of you may be based on what others write on your wall. (But the truth is who we are is what God says about us and not what others say. Besides people don't even know the context of some of the random messages at all).
3) To set privacy settings, you have to go through immense trouble to tick on boxes u want people to see, and the names of people who can see them etc.....argh.

Other than facebook I'm just thankful God is bringing me, and some of my friends through this process of job direction and other directions in life. No big decisions in life should ever be rushed. And i think what i learn and receive, the lessons, the growth, the change, the friendship with God that would grow, the people that we meet along the way, the giving and receiving, far more valuable.

the resume is a long way to go

Argh i realised that i'm just at the tip of the start of the word perseverance with regard to my work life.
Frankly, ok my resume IS lousy quality. And i'm supposed to be improving it. this is what people tell me.

However I look at bible stories and i'm comforted seriously by how men and women gave up their jobs to simply follow Christ. But i agree that you have to apply it to the modern context about how u can also shine for Him at workplace.

The bible mentions little about women though unless being just at home and nursing kids, teaching them....Jews were what...mcp people? sigh....thANk God for gender equality now.

I, despite being a girl, can never seem to be too open about sharing about my secrets on my blog. not vaguely. That aspect remains on personal diaries. 80% of it anyway.

Lesson learnt at sermons this weekend was :
He (God) has done it before. He will do it again.

on career and calling again

Now this topic has been on my mind for months even years. and i regret not thinking seriously about my next steps during my last year in university, if not right at the first year.
"Why did you not think of such a big decision in life since Year 3 of uni life at least!"
Ok so anywayz....from the book i'm reading "Mystery of God's will" by Charles Swindoll, yup, he gave the analogy of a ship.
The sailor sets the direction of the ship right at the start. The people on the ship are free to move anywhere they like on board the ship. Sing, dance, eat, bathe, talk, move. But the ship is still steering all of them in one direction.
He said that's like God's sovereignty over us. We're free to do what we like and want but the sail of our lives, the overall picture and direction, the ultimate destiny will still be in His Hands.
So still....the decision lies with me at the end.
But....i roughly got my plan this time round.

musings

I'm not totally unonline. I try to blog but sparingly so i know this is where i was at this point of my life. Change is the only constant thing i realised. Even in and on a job, the way u feel about a job changes as you know your scope better, the people better, the comfort is, it's like a shoe. it becomes natural.

I wish there was never the silly stereotype that only girls are soul-open. I don't think males are that soul-shy seriously. They have lots to say in the thoughts and feelings department believe me. I watch movies so I know. Lol. No seriously. Why are girls more open in sharing

Why do you have to do this to me, God, sometimes i ask, in an exasperated tone. U know just when i've made up my mind to stick to my job, today i received a call. Sigh. :) but :( or rather, :s

why and how i came to this decision

Ok just for information, i did not roll my eyes in sarcasm in the previous post...for whoever read it. I was just amused by this scene in the step up movie.
I've again, been reading Charles Swindoll's book "Mystery of God's will" and....to confirm some other famous writers' standpoint, indeed, the moulding of godly character is much more important to God than just being comfortable.
Also u realise in any big God-situations which is nnot man made, His ways are higher much higher than our ways.
The only reason why we are still sticking to our ways is cos we don't understand a BIG God's ways so we think "Its impossible"

In the stories of Noah, who would think there was a need for an ark, when the weather was good? In the case of Jonah, Who would want to Adapt to people ridden with prejudice to your kind? Let alone Preach to them? In the case of Moses, to face a scorching desert for 40 years? In the case of Joseph, to be hated by your own brothers and nearly killed by them, then in jail for many years. In the case of Hosea, marry a spouse who will be unfaithful to you not just once but 3 times. In the case of Job, having boils and lost of loved ones for months. In the case of the disciples, leave their big fish business to be a follower of Jesus. In the case of Mary, called to face the stigma of a growing belly and shotgun marriage. In the case of Esther, to marry a gentile ruler. In the case of David, to constantly run away from a king who tried to kill him though God said "U will be the next ruler". Chilly plans eh.

Also, a God-plan will never be as small or natural or easy or it would be called a man-plan. That's where He gets the glory, that's where we can see his Hand in it.

un-online mode

Roll eyes...roll eyes. (i loved that movie Step up 4 or 3....where this scene at the ballroom dance, the 2 guys delayed the queue and the girl behind them got so irritated she rolled her eyes 3 or 4 times!)

Finally if you have been waiting for me to shut up online, i have been given the greatest opportunity to do so this period of my life. The Lord has been challenging me all the time these few days/weeks even to stretch my faith and trust and perseverance. :)

processing of career

Proverbs 3:18
She is a tree of life to those who embrace her; those who lay hold of her will be blessed.
Romans 5:3
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
James 1:4
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
2 Peter 1:6
6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;
John 18:36
Jesus said, "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now my kingdom is from another place."
2 Peter 1
10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Matthew 21:32
Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you"
Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Deuteronomy 15:4
However, there should be no poor among you, for in the land the LORD your God is giving you to possess as your inheritance, he will richly bless you
Deuteronomy 15:7
If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother.
Psalm 68:10
Your people settled in it, and from your bounty, O God, you provided for the poor.
Proverbs 31:9
Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy."
Isaiah 61:1
[ The Year of the LORD's Favor ] The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,

when he speaketh

Ok so...i was kinda moping in the train (not mopping, Moping, there is such a word) about what to do and asking You for various signs and directions as to what to do next. then one by one they came!
First was right in front of my nose! my bag! that said "Never give up" was in fine print on the logo side all the time but i never noticed it. Next was the radio. Yuppers. While sitting in the boss's car, on site visits, it went "Successful people never quit...." So I was like....Whoa ok.
Next, was some chinese song on the radio! Chinese channel. I don't and never did understand chinese so well but guess what, the melody and rythm the song and just ONE phrase which i caught was "Yi2 bu4 yi2 bu4 something like that" so.....that ties in with every other bearings i caught today. It seems.....
So confidently i said "No" to the other interview today. which was a bit of a heartache. Saying no sucks. oh man.......what do i do now?

when a lot of happenings are announced to u suddenly

Sometimes, process is really good.
Process allows you to take time to think and prepare for the next step and better still, the outcome of things.

Process is a lot better than being there only at the announcement or outcome.

So when God throws you a process, or something you have to work on, or seek Him hard for, or pray for, TAKE IT. because you don't want to cry in surprise (that's only if it's good) or shock (when its not so good) when the outcome is decided already.

after "retreat" which was more like outreach

There is always a big diff between retreat and outreaching. Sometimes a trip marries the two, which makes one kind of confused but worked, full (eating a lot) and yet fulfilled (as you gave out). I do wish all of us had more recreational time or more things to do to play. But on a kelong built on stilts literally, there is hardly enough land to run around.

Haha. I enjoyed visiting the people there to sow seeds of kindness. working with my teammates was fun and watching them help the kids in the games, now that was funny. some of us don't know how to make paper air planes! we gave mosquito repellent to them, rice, food, snacks and bubble making toys to them. The kids will MAKE you love them. seriously, even if u didn't like kids at first.

the best part was talking and getting to pray for village folks who were CHINESE. yes on Jemara island, Indonesia! The chinese were the ones who started business and trade there. Entrepot trade, how familliar, by buying fish from all the indo fishermen then selling them abroad to other islands! which reminded me of early national days.

yea we sowed seeds to more than 6 families, two of which were chinese. I learnt the importance of SOWing seeds of kindness first, without expectations of any opportunity to share the gospel or even, praying. Because that's where people connect with you on a normal level first. If they cant like the messenger, why would they listen to the message?

So the best part was the last family we visited which was super open to telling us their story. Listening does the trick. So we listened to their amazing Teochew stories about their problems and adventures in life till they asked us to pray for them. "Just a blessing is good" they said. In the end we took pictures with them too.

our ferry reached the port at promptly 810pm which was time for the pledge. hahaha.

then i realised that our team was very fun and took care of others.
those who were healthy were always on the look out for others - those who were sick, and offered to run errands for them. those who were good swimmers watched out for lousy swimmers (like me).

I was involved in some bernoulli effect near the fishing raft at the front of the kelong which made me not so able to swim out from that area back to main sea and was tempted to go through all the stilts following the current but apparently i heard that might have gotten me lots of surface cuts (I doubt it was life threatening seriously!). But there was one or two of them onlookers panicking over nothing. (They haven't seen australian waves that i went through with God's help and survived) But the current made it pretty hard to swim back to where we were so thank God one of my friends pulled me away from that area.

I really enjoyed the atmosphere of inclusiveness where everyone joined in the card games like snap. and the fun and jokes during the meal.

I did learn though that sometimes i should be aware of golden opportunities when people do approach me or offer me something. And not grumbling after, when they pass me by. Glad i managed to resolve a misunderstanding with one of the sisters there when she pointed this out to me. (Something about seashells).

Everyone was pretty honest and direct to each other throughout preparation and during the trip so it was a good time of getting to know each other better as a cell.

Timelines at work

Literally facing some "rushful" timelines at work now for last week, this week and the next few weeks. heh. Argh. Finally eh? I prefer it this way as we're all more focussed about the work than just PRing (Public relations, as in talking to each other etc).

Ok. Then this weekend my cell group will go to a village next door, to visit kids. I hope we teach them to stay innocent. Nowadays, kids can learn so much wrong things in a short span of time.

I'm praying about quite important things now. Like work mostly. Hmm....and still reading Philip Yancey's book. Each day i uncover new nice things there. The Lord is challenging me on 2 things this week. They call it 2 spiritual tests right? Hmm....more on the first one. Which can be very tough to handle.

wrong timings

I HATE wrong timings. They spoil every thing! (trying to mimic some little kid i met before)

Ok sighh.....i don't really know who reads this, but ok whoever bothers to read, thank you! This week was seriously up and down. the downs were good because they helped built up more character, though of course it was very tough. the ups were, few and far between but still i thank you God for those nicer moments where i could be myself and go the places i liked.

you wont believe the stupidest circumstances i was in today that was really irritating but whatever it is, i refuse to let this be a stumbling block in my life. I can say no to this stopping me from fulfiling my purposes for God and In God.

The next question i have is this: can we ever be too holy to be of no earthly use?

Since i wont be in sg this coming weekend, my prayer is a bit self centred in that i hope to be actually sent out from my country, not defected, but happily sent out from my country to build houses or toilets or churches for other countries, any other country. not that i don't want to stay here..there are so many people groups out there i wanna meet. how exciting!

doubt vs trust

i just love philip yancey's book in reaching for the invislble God. It is so readable. and it touched on several issues our minds always argue or debate internally with. but yet cant verbalise as it may seem too trivial or unimportant and un-urgent to the rat race, present lifestyle, doesn't even apply to our work.

So yesterday i read about the good points of DOUBT. yes you wont believe it but doubt is actually GOOD. and human. and God approved of it in several of His chosen ones in the bible. Jonah, Sarah, Jacob, Peter, Thomas. Looks like a male-dominated field here. But anyway...

The way to overcome doubt is just - trust.
Anyway our eternal welfare depends on pure and simple trust anyway. so might as well

spirituality, saturday, surviving

This post was supposed to come out on Sat night (few days ago) but my computer network was switched off. So here's the gist of it. Disclaimer: I'm not always this happy or "fruitful" every single day. Puns and double meaning in this paragraph only all intended purely for fun. L-O-L.

Had fruitful day. It helps a lot when you serve people. I liked teaching the kids how to hear from God. Found so many poor lost problematic souls in the neighbourhood estate our group went to serve at. They had a block party few weeks ago and the photos were ready to be given out. They had financial, mental, and health problems. Sigh. Our group of ladies suspected it was probably spiritual strongholds or idol worship resulting in principalities. Life really moves faster and gives you such a sense of fulfilment when you give it away to those who need your time more than you need your space.

Met insurance agent in the morning. Learnt he had some cool job offers in the past but chose this path.
Met B.O.B team.
Prayed for one family (all 4 present at their flat) who had health problems.

I know its wishful thinking to hope this country of mine were a God fearing country. No other-god worship, if you know what I mean. But truth is, look at USA. Frannkly, they are supposedly "God fearing" but well, like an American friend (a girl) mentioned in her book recently published, they are materialistic, which is an idol too, nonwithstanding American idol. (That last phrase was meant to be funny LOL). So....what can i say but this verse that ecouraged me today.

Another friend mentioned that God's word and character is seen most clearly when we undergo trials and turbulent times. And i realised how much more sense the bible makes when you're feeling down.

This is the verse:
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”- Isaiah 41:10

I was in a lousy mood today. Tired and annoyed with myself, people around and...yup the past that could have been a lot better. But i guess that He knows our future more than we know our past.

To add on to the lousy mood, When i flipped the bible open i stumbled upon Isaiah 31.
"Woe to those who rely on horses who trust in the multitude of their horsemen but do not look to the Holy One of Israel or seek help from the Lord."

I was reminded of a friend who recently shared that she got on her knees every single morning and night on her knees (to pray to God). And He tells her things that minister to her heart directly. I admire her humbleness in coming before him like a little girl, putting her gains aside, being almost helpless. But it didn't start of that way. It was tough to set aside time.

Then i decided to try....today talking to Him. Most of it sounded like feedback or complaints session. Ew. But I mean, i have to be and get real. But I believe like her, I could reach a point, where talking to Him becomes natural, just like my morning brisk walks are.

names of God

Jehovah - The Lord - Exodus 6:2-3
Jehovah-Adon Kal Ha'arets- Lord of Earth - Josh 3:13
Jehovah-Bara - Lord Creator - Isaiah 40:28
Jehovah-Chatsahi - Lord my Strength - Psalm 27:1
Jehovah-Chereb - Lord the Sword - Deut. 33:29
Jehovah-Eli - Lord my God - Psalm 18:2
Jehovah-Elyon - Lord Most High - Psalm 38:2
Jehovah-Gador Milchamah - Mighty in Battle - Ps 24:8
Jehovah-Ganan - Lord Our Defense - Ps 89:18
Jehovah-Go'el - Lord My Redeemer - Is. 49:26, 60:16
Jehovah-Hamelech - Lord King - Psalm 98:6
Jehovah-Hashopet - Lord My Judge - Judges 6:27
Jehovah-Helech 'Olam - Lord King Forever Ps10:16
Jehovah-Hoshe'ah - Lord Saves - Psalm 20:9
Jehovah-Jireh - Provider - Gen. 22:14, I John 4:9, Philip 4:19
Jehovah-Kabodhi - Lord my Glory - Psalm 3:3
Jehovah-Kanna - Lord Jealous - Ex 34:14
Jehovah-Keren-Yish'i - Horn of Salvation - Ps 18:2
Jehovah-M'Kaddesh - Sanctifier - I Corinthians 1:30
Jehovah-Machsi - Lord my Refuge - Psalm 91:9
Jehovah-Magen - Lord my Shield - Deut. 33:29
Jehovah-Ma'oz - Lord my Fortress - Jer. 16:19
Jehovah-Mephalti - Lord my Deliverer - Psalm 18:2
Jehovah-Metshodhathi - Lord my Fortress - Psalm 18:2
Jehovah-Misqabbi - Lord my High Tower - Psalm 18:2
Jehovah-M'gaddishcem - Lord my Sanctifier - Ex 31:13
Jehovah-Naheh - Lord who Smites - Ezekiel 7:9
Jehovah-Nissi - Banner - I Chronicles 29:11-13
Jehovah-Rohi - Shepherd - Psalm 23
Jehovah-Rophe - Healer - Isaiah 53:4,5
Jehovah-Sabaoth - Lord of Hosts - I Sam 1:3
Jehovah-Sel'i - Lord my Rock - Psalm 18:2
Jehovah-Shalom - Peace - Isaiah 9:6, Rom 8:31-35
Jehovah-Shammah - Present - Hebrews 13:5
Jehovah-Tsidkenu - Righteousness - I Cor 1:30
Jehovah-Tsori - Lord my Strength - Psalm 19:14
Jehovah-Yasha - Lord my Savior - Isaiah 49:26
Jehovah-'Ez-Lami - Lord my Strength - Ps 28:7
Jehovah-'Immeku - Lord Is With You - Judges 6:12
Jehovah-'Izoa Hakaboth - Lord Strong -Mighty - Ps 24:8
Jehovah-'Ori - Lord my Light - Psalm 27:1
Jehovah-'Uzam - Lord Strength in Trouble - Is 49:26

a manger and a hospital

Hehehe. Just imagine, 27 years ago....another baby was added to a quite refurbished hospital at 3pm.
However...our dear God was born....in.....a manger! He must have learnt how to be rugged since Day One of his life! I love this song!

Healer (Jesus you're all I need)Verse 1 -
G
You hold my every moment C9 D G
You calm my raging seas
G D/F# Em
You walk with me through fire C9 D
And heal all my disease

Am C/BC9
I trust in You
Am C9 D
I trust in You

G Em
I believe You're my Healer
Em D C9
I believe You are all I need
G Em
I believe You're my Portion C9 D
I believe You're more than enough for me
Em D/F# C9 D Em D/F#

Jesus You're all I need

Intro :G C9 Em C9

Em D/F# G C9
Nothing is impossible for You
Em D/F# G C9
Nothing is impossible for You
Em D/F# G C/B C9
Nothing is impossible for You Em D
You hold my world in Your hands

life's resources

Two things we can give - time and money.
How are we dividing or stewarding or allocating these?

What if we never really had ownership over our money? And all this time we were given this amount to keep or to really just give it out, give it away.....?

letting God show u

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when i just felt the tugging in my heart to go visit my old workplace at Tanjong pagar there. Since i was kinda talking to God (yarping) that time.

(Its just this thing about us lefties we never can focus for more than 2 hours. This is really scientific and due to our right brain which is more activated. something to do with usage of left or right brain.)

Anyway.....i felt led to just visit that old place where i used to hang out. like for lunch or after work. and yup....I bumped into my salsa friend. he happened to have free passes to go Union sq. Things have changed there. Its a lot quieter and no more old crowds. Because....people are unwilling to pay 16 bucks unlike in the past, it used to be only 5 bucks. Of course there were new faces but it wasn't the same...which is bad and good.

Then i realised that A.G.'s (a foreign gal pal working in singapore) advice to me was quite true after all. I was seeing things and thinking so different from the last time when i visited that place. Thanks to also those books i read. good stuff =)

Good site of a friend's testimony!
http://www.godofcreation.com/essays/essay_list.asp?strType=TEST

new labour laws

there are new labour laws for construction which means, no work any more on sundays for workers. however i feel the education sector should also have laws that help teachers have a better work life balance. Come on, teachers used to just have two major roles which are planning lessons, teaching, and ECA. now its 5 roles at least? full time teachers.
It's fast becoming a 10 hour job from 7am to 5pm, with teachers taking on multiple roles in school. To increase the birth rate in Singapore, I believe work-life, or family life time should increase. Not just for the sake of having babies but for the sake of...rest from labour. Every one needs rest. Every one also is more effective at work when they have enough rest. :)

THE dream (strange dream i had this week)

Why was my cell group mate (gal), E in there?? lol!! but there i was , we were both punished for crime. some murder thingy!!! I got framed or i accidentally was involved in it and i was sentenced to 3rd degree murder (the least serious one) lol!!! i know its hard to believe such a weird drama dream but it was sooo exciting!

so i was, along with E (gal from my current cell grp), facing punishment. sigh.

i was given lethal injection!! But thankfully my punishment was only the 1st stage of lethal injection, where the full dose of Lethal injection was a total of 6 parts, full dose. 6 stages. some friends told me i could die after taking the first jab. i was bracing for the worst.

Then i took the jab. wasn't the least bit painful! I waited to "die".
I told God "Why do you want me back so soon?" I felt sooo sooo sad inside me. I was crying so much not cause i was scared or self-pitying or sad for myself but because I had so much time more I could live to the max on earth; so many things undone, not started etc. It was a very horrible waste!

I talked to all my friends, acquaintances, told them i loved them, that I wanted so much to be with them still.

seriously.....i saw people i normally wouldn't talk to and i managed to talk to them for real.

I told them this is it. it was horrendously in my face reality........I was termbling with 1) how it would feel to die, 2) how wasted this was to have done something as stupid as murder accidentally, and get into this mess. 3) i cried all the time but i wasn't sad sad, nor bitter nor mad. i was just like "Not so soon.....God, please.....i have so many things i have to do, and and and....my purpose in life and all that. Everyone is looking at me like i should live many more years....oh nooo...."

Then after the shot, i just walked around, smiled at everyone my last smiles and waited......

people gave me pitying looks.

I didn't care......i wanted to live, not live in what they thought of me.

i waited......time flew......seconds ticked away.

minutes passed. 3-4 horus passed. Nothing happened.

I didn't die yet?

I smiled again once more at people.

I walked around the village, waving at people and praying. It had little huts and houses.

Then i remembered after waiting a bit more.

It was the 6th or 7th lethal jab that would cause death, not the first one.

I didn't die after all!!

I woke up.

tis the season to get fat, and relax?

world cup fever......

processing (our actions)

Sigh...i know it can be super irritating when you want to do something fast and furious especially when its a spurt of inspiration, a sudden lightbulb (idea), sudden good opportunities, but "slow it down" sometimes and we have to process or go through the process....

Meaning, sit down, walk around, kneel or stand and talk to Him. really talk. Then write down or process it on your own to know if it is what you yourself really want, if this is something good, something that is biblical, etc, then also when it is good to actually act on the idea.

The tougher part is listening to advice from mentors and people who have your best interests at heart. arghhh....sometimes they just simply go "Oh, slowly ba" "Think carefully first" and that's it your bubble gets deflated. But that doesn't mean they are saying no or dampening your big plan. It could be His way of telling me...to go through that good (but tiring) process of seeking Him, thinking through first. God could be using them to tell you or I to think it through.

As much as vibes and gushes of inspiration and adrenalin are infatuation-like rushes to our pulses and even, brain, especially great ideas about work and career, I gotta think it through.

(Inspired by the sharing tht day by one of my Channel News Asia Journalist-friends on her journey with her heavenly Dad)

frogs!

those green cartoon figures (in a jigsaw?) among a massive group of people in egypt during the prince of egypt time must have left a huge impression everywhere.

different people want different things

Haha, the previous post was just one of my attempts at trying to do research on a difficult topic. I found it difficult, though others may find it interesting and very relevant. I also realised that I don't mind people reading my posts no matter how lame or controversial they are. But other people mind the public reading their own journals or blogs. For me its more like, whoever bothers to read will read it. Whoever doesn't, doesn't.

I can't do research when i'm sleepy or tired. Research work is not for me and not me. I can do maths, or calculations or mathematical problems though, when i am tired. It's not that i like math, or maybe subconsciously i do like math. Or maybe its the rigorous training of MOE through Secondary school and JC math. That's one thing i'm grateful for about our education here. The Maths or MATH can really stretch you. SO can the Economics Paper, which explains our current landscape in the City area (Most are bank and Financial skyscrapers). So maybe disciplined learning does make a person learn, like in the case of Math here.

Then suddenly i realise upon thinking of different jobs out there, that there is honour in whatever job you do.

Be it Engineering, Human resource, Teaching, Counselling, Cleaning, Community Service, Shopkeeping, Librarian, working for Government, Homemaking, Driving, Receptionist, Resolving disputes, Law, Business, Hospitality, Food, Prisons, Healthcare, Writing, Designing, Movies and the Arts, we are always in some form of contact with people. We are doing a service for people, for society. We are helping people. We are interacting with people. And that makes EVERY SINGLE job worth it!

trying to make sense of the news....sighh...

I am a firm advocate of reading at least 5-7 websites from different sources and perspectives, when trying to extract info. Only found 3.....but it's enough to take a whole day....the whole Gaza thing is mind-boggling...controversial, definitely. hmm....worth finding out more on for sure.

http://gazaflotillasurvivors.posterous.com/
http://caiaweb.org/,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israeli_Apartheid

"The Israeli West Bank barrier, a structure that has been called an "apartheid wall" by critics of Israeli policy. Israeli officials describe the partition, constructed in 2002, as a security fence, limiting the ability of Palestinian terrorist organizations to enter Israel....blah blah blah" (source is again, wikipedia)

I've never been sooo sleepy and tired and not there at work before....and that's cos i was trying out the whole "if i can't sleep at night or wake up halfway, it's probably because God wants to speak to me about something"......i've tried it before but yesterday was....more of the dream that spoke rather than my praying. and i had the dream after i prayed or tried to pray a lot. lol. something about going to a strange school but not the one i used to teach at. the feeling was familiar but it was a different school, never been there before.

love is all we need? (Counterfeit gods)

In the early days of my pastoral ministry, I met a woman named sally, who had the misfortune of being born beautiful. Even in childhood she saw the power she could wield with her physical attractiveness. At first she used her beauty to manipulate others, then they used it to manipulate her. She came to feel she was powerless and invisible unless some man was in love with her. She could not bear to be alone. As a result she was willing to remain in relationships with men who were abusive. She had come to look to me for the kind of affirmation that only God could provide. Making an idol out of love may mean allowing the lover to exploit you and abuse you.

Jacob in the bible showed a man overwhelmed with emotional and sexual longing for a woman, Rachel. Why? Jacob's life was empty. He never had his father's love, he had lost his beloved mother's love and certainly had no sense of God's love and care. Then he beheld the most beautiful woman he had ever see. He thought "If I have her something would be right in my miserable life. It would fix things." All the longings in his heart for affirmation and meaning were fixed on Rachel.

The "Romantic solution", the self glorification needed in man's innermost nature, is like what Jacob did, and looked for in the love partner. It is to fix all spiritual and moral needs onn one individual....in other words the love object is God. Man has reached for a "thou" when the world-view of the great religious community overseen by God had died. What is it that we really want when we elevate the love partner to the position of God? We WANT redemption - nothing less.

Popular Music and Art of our society calls us to keep doing it (look for redemption through finding love), to load our deepest needs of our hearts for significance and transcedence into romantic love. "You're nobody until somebody loves you" was a popular song. And we all take it literally. But when our expectations and hopes reach that point, "the love object IS GOD". No other HUMAN being is qualified for that role, No one can live up to that!

think about it.

Adapted from "Counterfeit Gods" by Timothy Keller, educated at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary, Westminster Theological Seminary. Author of 'The Prodigal God' and 'Counterfeit gods'

not a God of fear

I love this thing about God: He doesn't like to operate out of fear. He tried it in the past like in the Old testament days, people were scared....some rebelled, some listened, many still walked away, so he thought, "Nahhh......."
So He created a New covenant with man to supercede the Old one.
So creative!!
I've been reading Phillip Yancey's The Jesus i never knew and it's been such a good journey reading it! I see the link now between God's character and how He wants us to see things in life:
Do you think He wants us to live in fear?
Do you think we should do things most of the time because we fear people/a person?
Do you think we should grab a partner because we fear we don't get married?
etc etc etc

quote of the week!

It's not about impressing, it's about Abiding (in Him).

Which means the walk is more important than the talk, a pastor said at a bible gathering

seriously?

oh no.....i duno what to say.....i'm either going to be so wrong or so right......arghhhh

back to engineering

this is ironic. there i was complaining about the backup plan (of civil engieering work) but.....it IS back to the old cert plan for me....civil engineering. and miraculously (for me, this is how i felt), the door to the engineering opened for me.
the buildings industry still needs many people to build toilets, bungalows and offices around the region. hohoho.
I won't say i'm glad or sad but it's more like a neutral feeling now cos either i got over it or i adapted to thinking about the new job, or you know I really believe God works in any way and closes and opens doors, or creates circumstances to speak to us about where he ultimately wants us to be. So this is probably the way he speaks - through circumstances.
I think we can just trust God totally with our Salvation (don't we already as Christians?), our lives (since we already trust Him with our eternities) and our lives include our jobs and family and relationships. this is what i gained and experienced first hand, but which i read from real life encounters of people in books.

let's think about my holiday plans for the year. dec or september?? and where to? and why for, i need to settle all these questions soon

Joke of the day:
Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time you will be unbearable."
Paris elevator - "Please leave your values at the front desk."
Athenian hotel - "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of....."
Moscow Hotel - "You are invited to visit the cemetery where famous Soviet composers, authors and artists are buried daily except Thursday."
Swiss menu - "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
Polish menu - "Salad of firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."
Hong Kong dress shop - "Ladies have fits upstairs."
Germany's Black Forest - "It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married together for that reason."
Swedish furrier - "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."
Japanese detour sign - "Stop: Drive sideways."
Swiss mountain inn - "Special today - no ice cream."
Copenhagen airline office - "We take your bags and send them in all directions.
Budapest zoo - "Please do not feed the animals. If you have suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
Acapulco hotel - "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
Japanese air conditioner - "Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
Tokyo car rental firm - "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigour."
Norwegian cocktail bar - "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar"

1. Romans 5:3
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
2. Romans 5:4
perseverance, character; and character, hope.
3. 2 Corinthians 12:12
The things that mark an apostle—signs, wonders and miracles—were done among you with great perseverance.
4. 2 Thessalonians 1:4
Therefore, among God's churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.
5. 2 Thessalonians 3:5
May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.
6. Hebrews 12:1
[ God Disciplines His Sons ] Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
7. James 1:3
because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
8. James 1:4
Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
9. James 5:11
As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
10. 2 Peter 1:6
and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;

irony of work

Heh...why is work so simple and easy and even....fun....when you're not really in it anymore, as in when you've left. haha. the kids are suddenly so nice, so tolerable, so cute, so obedient, so LIVELY! hahaha. arghhhh........ok...so its like 2-3 more weeks in school for me....and not much break till work again. i duno if i should be counting, or be happy about the next best thing which is coming my way in june, or start preparing or or or.....i duno!! :) this is gonna be tough! but a good kinda tough.

Paruski
Priviet, Min ya zavut Kim, Kak Dela?
Ya horosho! Spasibo.
I still wanna go back to do some visiting and work in that country. Even if i have to go alone.

I'm still learning how to find out more about people. The mystery of life is sooo exciting but can be really, frustratingly slow. Nevertheless its always the journey that speaks louder than the end product, that makes the whole destination worth it, i have always firmly believed.
Within this career changes I am also on the journey of self discovery. It's never too late to know more about what you really like and not like in life, tolerate and don't, can take and can't. I write cryptically eh?

The next time if there is even love, or perceived love, the object of your affection has to be in the same country as you. you have to like his purpose in life a lot, like him a lot. the guy gotta have some kinda job (where he can support himself and share a bit with you), and you must like his personality a lot, have flowing conversations about almost anything, have humour and laughter, you must feel very at ease and comfortable with him, respect his heart, he has to be fit, and we cannot be a sea and ocean apart....zzzzz.

living in 2 countries

Hmm i realise that as much as i would love to and desire to live or leave in my brain in two countries, it is extremely difficult. talk about geography? so i will leave this strange state of mind in God's hands. which is really good. because i think God knows better? a lot better...

how do you escape from remedial?

(This post was written after i already decided not to carry on Teaching at this point of my life)

I noticed as a teacher watching over ten year olds that they love using the word "escape". "Teacher, Tom (fake name) escaped from remedial again!" or,
"Miss Chan, Sabrina ran home again! She don't want to go for supplementary class."
I will chuckle to myself, first of all, at how they complain or report to me about each other, and two, wondering how at such a young age, they know what it means to "escape" or run away from something.And i laugh at myself even more as one time i remember literally chasing one of my little boys as he ran out of school....schoolbag and all. He finally stopped after i grabbed his bag and came face to face with him. I decided to ask him, "So, do you WANT to come for remedial?" He sheepishly but honestly said "No," shaking his head with a grin. I gave up. "Ok, you decide, But please, make sure you do ALL your Math homework." "OK!" And he ran off.

On one hand, i don't agree with the way primary school teachers were too fierce (some of them) during my generation. So I don't want to use the same methods which dampened the joy of childhood in me. But sometimes, some, just some, of these kids NEED the structure of chiding and very firm instructions or even "You don't have a choice. You have to go." BUT, even then, i still choose to give them the choice of decision making FOR themselves. Because they are going to run their own lives in the end, not me.

And you know, when you believe in a dynamic God that doesn't believe that relationship is just about sitting there and being still or meditating in order to hear Him speaking, that you CAN move around or even run and talk to Him still, even while working or doing something, you can talk to Him, just as LONG as you keep that relationship with Him, and the conversation flowing, doesn't that make you excited, that He is a Just but Merciful God?

i finally told her the truth

Heaves a huge sigh of relief! how would you feel if you finally told your mother all you needed to really say but dragged and postponed for not days but 2 weeks...and finally, after praying for several days INTENSELY you finally tell her and the prayer was answered. she was nice and accepting and releasing (the best part). i realise God calls each of us differently, even from our parents.....so it doesn't always mean we possess the same INTERESTS or callings as our parents. maybe 50 to 60% similar but not 100%. so the strongest passion in my life now would be.........................to be continued.............

Friendship day pics at e sch i teach

This was practice before actual day, with Nancy.




Below is the actual costumr parade during assembly (Thai is the tallest purple guy, koreans are the shorter boy and the girl in the red hanbok, china is the red cheongsam girl, myanmar is the blue dress gal)

The only two brave boys - Thai and Korean :)
<==== So proud of the friendship boards which i didn't do alone. 3 of us.

Below is backstage last briefing before actual thing

the "time" of our lives

I hope i have the time of my life with these few more weeks or 1-2 months.
I pray decisions are made, not just any decisions but good 4 year plans.
Not just good but God-focussed ones.
Also people-loving ones. or considerate ones.
Argh......sometimes I want to abandon it all and flee........to a nice country......where there is less stress? And you'd probably only get that in 3rd world nations? maybe........lol.
I need to sleep by 11.20pm everyday to stay sane.
Also....er I have to set up boundaries for friendships....
Lesson plan a whole chunk to save me trouble for later.......

sense

suddenly i realise i can't be talking good news on internet all e time. lolz. i have to be more real or realistic. ok i mean on the blog.

There are Things that i said myself that kept reiterating back to me whole last week and this weekend in partciular as i prepared for a major today: Lesson Observation. I prayed, thought deeply, planned, "Is this going to be feasible?" "Will they cooperate?" "Does group work work better for them or pair or individual?"

Then you realise God is so big that He doesn't need our help to get things done, nor need us to push our way through each door, for us to join matchmaking agencies, or for us to fight and defend ourselves when we are wronged. Then another church sister Repeated this to me after a jog on sunday!

The quote i mentioned in previous post "No one can take your calling away from you. Cos only God can....its 1) personal and between you and God, 2) why would you give up on your own special calling? kept coming back to me as well while preparing for lesson observations. and it HAS to be God cos.....the whole thing went 1) smoothly, 2) the kids totally cooperated and even were at their smartest, most responsive, 3) helped each other solve the problems 4) worked together to solve group problems. They (Donald duck, my cutest student) let out a giggle though, when he realised the whole class was stiff and not their usual self. Incredible Hulk (a student who turns red, clenches his fists and changes facial expression when angry) was amazingly self controlled and alert and cooperative and fast in group work.