out of comfort zone....into....a different timezone

totally.....i was with a bunch of 40 over kids or teens or young adults but mostly were teens.....at some camp and totally....guess what? couldn't fit it. whats to expect right? lol.......ah but i am glad i gave it my best shot........just like at work. except at work the supervisor thinks i am not putting my best foot forward or doing things my own way.

My plans for this coming year is to go to the uk. i wasn't done visiting museums in london. but the problem is......ah......if i am going to fly there museums can't be the only thing on my itinerary. there's gotta be more concrete stuff to do there. maybe visit all the churches i was at the other time. look for a job......when the job economy there may not be as welcoming to a foreigner as here.......argh. i duno u know....visit singaporean friends who are there as well as some english acquaintances i've made while there last last dec 2012. may go elsewhere instead of uk also......may go usa or southeast asia or kazakhstan. lol. just need a break to really see the world but so much better with a strong purpose and not just to "see". pretty surprised parents were ok with me leaving the country or at least got a verbal "ok lor. you're old enough" in typical singlish.

retrospecting 2013?

not much to say......had a whole load of emotional upheavals and "downturns" slightly big changes every 3-4 months......like a sports team change, a job change. the job changes didnt hurt at all as i am hahaha used to them? the sports group......i followed my true north and did what i always do in the secret or public......that which i like naturally.......running. and believe me, even when i don't have my good friends there on some days or when the cute guy/guys don't appear, i still run and enjoy it......that really showed me i need to always pick a job or hobby i really like to do so that no matter what......i would still do it. rain, shine, tired, no mood, bored, angry, frustrated, sleepy, hungry, wrongly accused, headaches, i still run.....

sweet dreams are made of these

places where the security guard sleeps (About work) - oh well i just realised i work in an office where the human resource lady who doubles up as "security guard" naps. but anyway its quite common in other workplaces too.

just not in incur her wrath in case by some fair and just chance of God she stumbles upon my post.....but usually she aint so nosy which is good....., she happens to be quite nice too when not following the crowd (if they are doing evil).

sweet dreams are made of these (my first pop song i learnt when i was a kid) (about girls) - so anyway had girly outing yesterday........super cool. :) was supposed to be just us then two more came. :) j was quite not her holy self but oh well everyone has a few sides its not about pretending to be good or nice and perfect all the time is it?

lost and found department

i testify again the lord hath helped me find another thing this week.......all through prayer.
i just happened to think of my pri school best friend (one of them) in the morning and i remember she got married at 22. and it was the first guy who asked her to marry him, an African English guy (from uk).

I searched for her name on facebook but there was no trace. so i just said "oh well it would be nice to see her again." then in the evening......i duno why on earth i just couldn't be bothered to go for my usual monday running due to lack of sleep night before and mental tiredness from work.......so i took the long walking route all the way from lavender to......town. guess who i bumped into along the way??

HER.

with her sister. i was like....."you're back in singapore!"
so we are going for a catch up soon. :) it's these little stuff eh that proves that he hears / sees.

so anyway this live journal or blog aint just really for me to think aloud its to kinda yea ok think aloud because when things are verbalised in words they are less serious than they are if not verbalised. and it gets things analysed more quickly, it facilitates honesty, it brings about clarity (which by the way is one of my favourite songs since i started listening to techno), it keeps a record of some form whatever informal form this is.
but i really have to write my impactful encounter that day. the epic of the lost wallet.

Sometimes He really does work thru emotions. No i thought it was all about the mind and thoughts and rational. Not quite. The heart is important too. More important, that's why it is written Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of Life. It really is.

I was going for an interview that saturday in that ulu ulu place. I hate adapting to new workplaces by the way if you know me because....it is simply troublesome and getting to that new place, you have to search maps etc and call the person in charge. so I finally reached the place late and had a sarcastic interview (well the questions were sarcastic) and maybe that's part of the process no offence to the interviewer. But she laughed in the end so was that counted as an "ok"?

The worst part was the whole previous night experience at some "new club" which was super nice but a bit small and i shouldn't have taken 2 drinks. seriously. but i did. and slept late because i was just praying about what decision to make the next day. so being alchohol intolerant and i did two glasses...i was a zombie the next day. half of it anyway.

so after the slightly sarcastic interview and the ulu place where there are hardly anyone around seriously.....i was mulling about whether to cross that bridge......then i backed out because i saw this girl below the bridge walking hapily but i just felt scared of the bridge suddenly i duno why. so i turned back and walked to the wrong bus stop (1 sign i was half zombie-c) and went to the other stop to take the bus to mrt. then when i reached into my bag, i realised my wallet was gone.

tada. so .....frantically i realised how thankful i was the place was ulu. i backtracked the whole way. to the bridge. no sign of a earth coloured wallet. i started that whole prayer thing. if you cant do anything about it, just"give it to God, what else is there to do?" right? so with no proof and no sign, i just told God......ok......"This is it. again! i need you to help me. this time it's for real. my Identity card is worth $300 and i lost it 3 times already."

backtrack backtrack. no sign of it.
Thinking of all the trouble i have to go through to replace that i.c. and the atm cards. and etc.
then having to cancel the next appointment and some explaining.

suddenly, a call.
jaw drop.
hope.

"hello is this ........Chan.....eh......Kim-berly....? eh i ........seee your I.C. with me......."
it was one of those workers who found it. and was honest enough to return it. i was so glad relieved from walking around in my half zombie state, feeling uncomfortable enough and tired and dealing with some indecision, fear of bridges, tiredness, slightly lousy clubbing the night before (but good music), and there it was a lost wallet that got found.........after some serious heart wrenching prayers the kind you really pray from your spirit man deep within. from your gut.

and sometimes when you don't expect it, you get to meet angels and talk to them ;) 

chasing your own adventure

.....i think any kind of adventure which has God in it is super exciting, even when you're alone. :)
maximise each second. :)
but in the end the unstoppable will still happen ......who is....dunno yet.

i am on one hand having much passion for helping others and just accompanying people who need a friend and yet i am also......soul searching. for my purpose and reason on this earth. what should i do......?
hm.....

on the other hand, missing the cold in december last year. and the people.....

but probably going some third world country haha. or second and half world country.

why am i sleepy every monday

because i have to run in the evening. and when i don't think i have to run....i actually....run a LOT better. why? if my whole day is focussed on running i cant focus at work as i wanna save energy for my run. then after work.......
i feel unaccomplished at work so its frustrating.
so will just tell myself i am not running every monday so i don't "save energy" for it....does that work.....hm........

i fell in love with this song

heard this song at a secondary school mate's wedding and thought it was so touching or sad at first.
turns out it's actually pretty happy...if you read the whole song's lyrics. :) oh well.

Cool week for me. will always remember

people in my workplace thought it was a public holiday.
and also using example which is prob the best method to teach someone that is why i am all alone at work today trying to finish this simple task.
but happy to do so. thankful its a really simple task. mundane but brainless. simple but helpful (to others). unchallenging but easy.

The few hours retreat - 10 hours up to desaru was nice. the space everywhere even in the meeting halls, the beach was good enough for me.

and yup, a quiet place is a good place to seek Him. I am still thankful to get all my answers to the most detailed questions thrown (by me) yesterday.

Also was an eventful week.
I got to meet and talk to a couple  - Messianic Jews in ministry. 4 things spoke to me. some things talked about spoke to me on a personal level. the last point for others.

1. seriousness of heart in matters of the heart
2. prayer to God instead of worrying or etc.
3. the way/method to go about something is as impt as achieving the goal.
4. Receiving Jesus is not a national thing. It's a personal thing.

check out the beach pics coming soon

what better way to report a story

than to live it yourself. and write about it.
Experience - the ups and downs of life indeed is a great teacher.

read only if u're always curious.

what an intense weekend. first was avoiding frantically those type of celebrations at c.q. though enjoying like 20 min of the music. the moment i couldn't get in free into the club i was like "ok this is a sign that i am not supposed to take part in this event" to the rational mind, this would be like....."oh come on kim......does it make sense? you can just pay" but i was like "this is a good sign to just not attend a strange party like this. no matter how superficial its still a type of....(that type of celebration)" so your mind tries to think of all excuses to find a "no" somewhere...any sign will do.

then sunday i again attended my two and half services (usually 3). church.i realised in settings where there is praise and etc, there is always a chance of envy. but this is an emotion due to the ego and basically what is the ego - not really self esteem is it? its just plainly....the part of our "Bonus esteem" the part where is not as necessary as the esteem but just extra. (if have then have, don't have then don't have one) so anyway as long as the self esteem part of us is intact....that's a lot more important than the extra ego parts like getting heaps of praises and adulation. we all don't need too much praise to live this life.

love, the kind that the bible writes about.......gets happy for others or doesn't mind when others win or when others gain something. even if it minds when others gets something, it shouldn't mind to the point you forget what you have. (all the other blessings) if it reaches that point you know who down there has gained some kinda control in your life. and that could be scary....a bit (slight bit) of envy is good if it drives you to do the right things and be competitive in doing what's good and helpful for others and yourself but not to the point it becomes competition for the sake of competition, to win a prize for the sake of a prize, to win an argument for the sake of winning the other person, or to outwit a person, for the sake of outwitting them (To show 'hey i am better'..........because no one really bothers about who is better at the end of the day it is God who judges us all based on our heart and deeds and words). why do we want to live for people who come and go

but usually i don't really get envious as long as i get my attention diverted elsewhere or to other places. like friendships, other world causes, events, people, their problems....... :).of course use common sense and don't get attention at the expense of your health or safety. duh.....and mental well being. those are critical for whatever you do.

ok lunch after church was quite interesting and ok....i was super super touched when one of the older adults (Again can be my grandfather's age, super thin guy) just went forward and foot the bill quietly. he didnt brag about it even. despite each person's costing about 8-11 dollars per meal.there were like 11 of us so he paid like $90-$100?

but i think this emotion is okay as long as you know that God is always good and has been good to you.
also with favourites.......gee.......i really don't mind and don't care too much as long as the good Lord knows what I need. He doesnt always give us what we want. but what we need, will He not give?

how to tell if the guy's really interested

1. He goes out of his way to talk to you, and always responds in a timely manner to your messages, calls, or texts.
2. He doesn’t do that weird disappearing act where he’s just suddenly unavailable and disinterested in seeing you, and doesn’t explain himself at all until the next time he decides he wants to see you.
3. He actually proposes things for the two of you to do
4. His whole demeanor improves noticeably when you’re around — if he’s usually a little on the bro-y side with his friends, he tones down his stupid humor and actually tries to make a good impression with you.
5. You get the impression right off the bat that he wants to make you a part of his group. You never feel like you’re pushing when you are around his friends or present during his daily activities.
6. He “likes” a lot of your stuff on Facebook, especially things from a long enough time ago that he had to go looking for it.
7. Your friends get a good vibe off of him, and never have to give you that speech about how “we just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
9. His compliments are sincere and based on who you are as an individual, not just generic stuff about how pretty you are that anyone can say to anyone without really knowing them.
10. You catch him just looking at you, every now and again, during moments when he thinks you won’t notice — usually during the “boring” moments, like watching a movie together or just lying in bed.
11. He always makes an effort to be closer to you when you’re together, touching your shoulder or your hip, showing little signs of affection no matter what you’re doing.
12. He laughs at your jokes with the kind of throw-your-head-back belly laugh that only comes when you are really happy to be with someone. And he makes you laugh because you are so often on the same wavelength without even having to say a word.
13. He’s not afraid of a little PDA — he loves holding hands while walking down the street, and never makes you feel like he’s trying to push you to the side.
14. He looks for excuses to talk to you, to see you, to be closer to you, and to get to know more about you. And even though you know he intentionally forgot something at your apartment just so he could go back and get it, you play along because you don’t want to ruin the game.
15. Everything feels exciting when you’re together because you’re both so clearly interested and involved with whatever you’re doing. Just going out to dinner together feels like being on an amusement park ride.
16. He talks to his friends about you when you’re not there, and sometimes they’ll even tell you the great things he’s said.
17. He’s not afraid to do things that might typically be considered feminine or weak around you, and can’t help but be a fully-rounded human when you’re together because you make him feel like he can finally be himself.
18. He’s honest with you about his past, and what he’s looking for.
19. You never have to play that obnoxious/sometimes-attractive “hard-to-get” game where you’re never sure if you’re actually together or you’re just “seeing each other.” You know where you stand with him, and you don’t have to risk making a fool of yourself, because he’s not afraid to make the effort and the commitment to starting something real. With him, you can just tell.

haha.......that guy has ten of which i highlighted on my list. hm......

all in a day's work

this is hilarious.....i managed to talk  to a colleague yesterday until we both were at our top volumes.
nope
we were not angry with each other. not at all.
yes
we were passionate about our own views on things. that's why.

these kind of intellectual discussions that get a bit louder but can be good for the soul sometimes. not all 8-9 hours of work time of course.:) glad and super thankful for such colleagues! !

i get complimented

when i least expect it.
Let me write a list of everything that i have not expected (good stuff) that i received....

1) Gravity was a good show (but i thought it would be lousy since its.........in space) and it was worth all 11 bucks of my Public Hol ticket done by an actress who is usually typecast into chick-flick shows....this was more insghtful

2) A senior (guy) quite good looking (but way too old for me.......can be granddad) said i was "not like you at all (the bitchy type)" when i told him i was trying to be bitchy to people who are mean. i am a bit happy abt it.....just don't cross my limit(s).

3) had an insightful conversation with a lady about life and marrige and kids - she has many yrs experience (not that i am marrying or having a kid any time soon)

4) surprise dream about going on a trip to somewhere luxurious and meeting some guy and he was serious about asking me........but before i could answer him i woke up.......(i was 45% interested only maybe that's why i woke)

Moral of the story is........ah........don't keep on hoping for good things to happen and get fixated on that. but make the most of what is given to you in life......anything good that comes your way, say thank you to the one who gave you everything u have.

learning thru my least favourite activity

karaoke.
i actually do not really like ktv or kareok (american version) or karaoke (singaporean version)....
i don't hate it but i don't love it and not that fond of it......unless it really has crazy pop or rock or fast songs. i am not a fan of slow sentimental songs for karaoke for some reason (which i duno still trying to think why).

oh i do not love singing because i had 3 years of singing in the choir in sec school. choir people and friends were amazing and i made so many unexpected friends and had good times thru getting scolded by our choir teacher and teasing each other and making fun of teachers behind their backs hahaha.

but i was always deep down more interested in sports or even dance. So anyway......

despite my dislike of ktv last week i had two sessions and i went because it was for the sake of company or friends. and it was cheap......like one wasp paid for. the other was about $14. i had a lot of fun despite having 1) some nasal problems 2) songs i didnt understand in thai, cantonese and some chinese songs (some only not all)

the best part was LEARNING new songs and new messages from good singers......like The Fray.....i really liked one of their songs. the message behind it rather....though sad.....about some friend whose life he could have saved....if he had known how to save.....and some music videos were good......not just about promoting parts....of the anatomy.... :)

(Closed doors) i am lost when it comes to....

Economics and investments and equities.i only passed ONE economics paper in junior college.
that was for my final cambridge "A" level exams where i got a 'D' after all the 'O's and "E"s my whole two years of junior college. O is a grade just above F. Lol. I have absolutely nothing  to boast about here........except from being top from the bottom.

Yes i could have felt like a failure and i could have been angry. Envious or angry that everyone else did better than me.

But on hindsight, it was simply a closed door. i was also upset i couldn't get into Arts, Architecture, Law, even Teaching! all my top 5 choices. gone......

But it turns out God has His ways. AND his perfect plan for each of us.
closed doors is actually a blessing.
And i was much HAPPIER and USEFUL in Engineering though the modules were slightly boring.

casting the net

i have been oppotunizing on the fact that i am single and have no serious love obstacles or person in mind now so i have been casting the net wide. that has its own bad sides too like depth-wise there is lesser depth. you have to guard your heart in all cases right? and the persons' in question too. when there is a certainty or deeper liking then will i start narrowing down. and focussing

Things to Know Before You're 30

By Debra K Fileta

Debra K. Fileta is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in Relationship and Marital issues.

1. Time is limited, so invest it in things that matter.
2. Say no to one-way friendships. Not only is it important to use your time wisely, it’s crucial to spend it with people that care. So much of our time is wasted on superficial friendships and obligations.
6. Joy can come from unexpected places.
9. Your decisions affect more people than just yourself. There’s a ripple effect, and it gets clearer with each passing year.
10. Your words have a lot of power, so be careful what you say. From writing a blog post to saying a kind word, from a thoughtless comment to a negative remark, I’ve seen first hand how powerful words can be. They can build up and they can destroy. You learn to be more careful with how you use the words you have been given. They have the power to change lives.
11. Forgiveness is worth the hard work. More than ever, you see how much an unforgiving spirit impacts your life in a negative way, and how letting go has so much more to do with you than with others.
17. Those doors closed for a reason. I look back at the failures and disappointments in my life now, and I am so thankful for those closed doors and broken roads. God knew then what Iknow now. And I’m so glad He did.

'tis the season to be.....

married? Nope not me.....yet. hahaha.
But i received like in the past few MONTHS, not even years, months......okay, like more than 10 wedding invites already either thru very creatively, Facebook, or snail mail or the best one? through sms that was 3 page long. then the person forgot to post the invite. lol.

So....what does this say or not say about me? giggle. ok lets put it this way,. even if i am left on the shelf.....1) i am not alone on the shelf there are many other singles. 2) there is a lot i can do as a single person so i am taking advantage of that. for this period or season of life at least.......

But over all, the very most important part of the whole thing is this: that i totally trust God. not taking things into my own hands.

i realised i didnt change much from 2004 (was 21 yrs old) till now. some things did (40%) change but the rest didnt. i realise i am less afraid of doing things on my own now. as compared to teenage till early adulthood, 14-27 yrs old.
but moreso this year. i realised that yes, simply going out of my comfort zone is super amazing though really scary at first. the social part is super cool, you meet new people and form faster frenships as compared to when you're with a group or a buddy. but of course more can be done when in a pair or group and you don't feel so scared when you're doing something scary.
i super loved the minority group the Sapa people in hanoi. the 2 day one night homestay and culture exchange was super amazing. and i realised that was because it was a trek where i was quite out of my usual comfortable "tour" experience where i would be with friends or people who know me or in a place i know well. and i think it's truly worth it.......when you break your own barriers or perceived barriers.....and 'see the world as it is'.
As fun as a trip can be or get, and i thoroughly enjoyed being on my own exploring, etc.......at the end of the day even the fun you have with the people you meet there for a few days......i still feel strongly that sincere relationships and/or strong friendships will go the distance much more than only having a thrill.
 sincere personal friendships where you made a difference by helping someone, being there, teaching someone, being a friend, or even the desire to be a true friend to someone is of much more of value than just the thrill of exploring, having fun or seeing new places. And......it goes the distance. but its hard to form such friendships when......time is not on your side.......hm.......longer trips next time?

Playing the bible trivia game on my fone really gets to me to the point that: i uncover new truths all the time. it helps to keep learn-ing apps on your phone instead of meaning-lesser games huh. though for the languages part i duno how accurate some of the translations are into english.

like: Sin Keeps One from God

Isaiah 59
See, the Lord’s hand is not so short that it cannot save, and His ear is not closed that it cannot hear. ² But your wrong-doings have kept you away from your God. Your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He does not hear.

Strolling thru the memories of "going solo" on this first official backpacking trip....i was amazed how God kept me safe and the best part is i was SO amazed at the beauty of the valleys, sights sounds and SMELLS of Hanoi. Just like i predicted it would be after reading about it in high school (secondary school). The political part was quite tough to understand but overall it was so fun just forcing myself cheerfully though, to speak to strangers and the most scary part? i had to try and make friends with almost every person that seemed nice or friendly. every.
Thankfully the locals there are very easy going and down to earth and very approachable though talkative. (to be continued)

sapa valley the lovely

where oh where can my baby be?

nope its not actually a baby. lol. its a guy. yes not a girl. why is it when my peers reach this age there is so much added pressure - be it societal or family or personal pressure that makes us think seriously about the supposed "next stage" of our lives. so here i was wondering where he was.

I simply love echoing what people say back to them. if you call me baby, i call you baby.
so here i am. i ran back to the world of numbers and construction and logic.
will i become more reserved and introverted in that case?

hm......
in any case i have heard sooo mucch about this building from my grandparents but never actually stepped into it till now. imagine.......from 6 yrs old hearing about it till now 30.
God has his way of bringing old memories back eh.
apparently it's not a very appealing place.
but it looks happening at night lol. (the nightclubs etc)
:)
i guess i still need to talk.a lot.

You, LORD, give true peace to those who depend on you, because they trust you (Isaiah 26:3, NCV).
so basically.....what people say doesnt really change my mind especially about traveling.

happy to change (jobs)

The title sounds cheem (sophisticated or complicated) but its not. I am tired again this time because i am on one hand sick of changing jobs but on the other hand i really feel i have to. it's not one of those sit on the fence type of decisions but rather a thing i actually pondered about for quite a bit. But the amazing peace to leave.....ah........i really keep wondering why i feel the amazing peace to leave.....heh

I am really tired of staring at a computer 8-9 hours a day.
Thank God for the phone.
And thank God for exercise where you don't have to think at all.
Oh yes and jokes that come unexpectedly.

sometimes when you pray

"good" things end. just like that. my goodness. so fast and he deleted me from "friends" on facebook. gasp.

Deuteronomy 12:7

There, in the presence of the Lord your God, you and your families shall eat and shall rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the Lord your God has blessed you.

 1 Chronicles 16:10

Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.

 Ecclesiastes 2:17

[ Toil Is Meaningless ] So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

 

seeing the good side in everything

reminders

sometimes i have to reach a point where i am really frustrated, down, scared, lost, depressed or whatever not-so-positive emotion before the Lord can and does speak to me or rather i can and WILL hear clearly.
He will always send reminders of how great He is and how He can use any means to speak to us, help us or that we are simply......not trusting Him enough. There is certain trust but it's not to the level we SHOULD trust Him.

And here You are again sending me reminders of how I should Trust You (#1), instead of relying on people or relying on my own strength. Was having a discussion with church group yesterday and realised there were two schools of thought.

One is, to do your best at everything so others know you're a "Christian". The other school of thought is to be humble in all we do, NOT thinking we're the best. I felt BOTH were wrong because it should not even be 1) Not thinking we're the best (because This is already a fact! who IS the best anyway?)
2) doing our best just to show people we're christian or good or whatever (why put on a show?)

But it should be a genuine and true.........Relying on God........for everything.

There is and will always be a reason to leave.

What makes you STAY?

- Things started are not completed...yet!
- I am in the middle of organizing a lot of things and planning is still ongoing
- Till you finish you cannot tell or know the result

surprise

i am still in surprise....hm....ooooh........

hope in fati...gue

at your lowest or darkest point, you will hear God speak to your heart. at least that works for me. but unfortunately, not when i am super exhausted....
dealing with many start ups now....i think i learn more from the failure stories or the difficulties of others stories or the desert experience stories and hardships than the success stories. it's true that the "Yes!" stories or Quick-success stories give us hope but really it's the whole struggle that makes us learn how to go on despite the, "I am tired" despite the "I am worried" despite the "I want change" despite the "This is bad". despite the "This looks hopeless".

the great

What started out as a really painful first half of day where i had to drag myself around the office because of pain (girls will be familiar with it)......And some silly comments on one of my previous blog entries.

Then again, this is a blog, i don't fib or lie here but its pretty much opinions and emotions etc....based on facts...sometimes. I miss that guy (just a bit) who said he has that "big thought" for me. not that i want him with me etc or just because he said that but of course other things.

Then stepping out of my comfort zone to block 22 and block 24 (one whole round) of near my office was really scary at first but i started out with the kids (childcare centre). it was easy......then eventually. the ice was broken (with myself) and i went all out with every single door (almost) that was open or even if closed i would ring the bell. and talk and ask. Seek and you will find, knock and it shall be opened unto you.

i realised we cannot base our decisions on the spur of the moment emotions......though emotions are strong driving forces in life, when they hold you back from doing what is right or the right thing.....the emotions could be wrong.

in your most nightmarish times

God sends something sweet to you....

Well it seems the previous post made some guys think i like girls instead of guys. And some girls think that i have started liking girls....that's not true.....i like guys. and i am straight. 100%. i like girls only as friends. haha. So well yesterday i cant believe it but i went partying. like its not a sin or crime to party. its what you do there and after. of course beware of the lust of the eyes and flesh present...and of course people who openly do what's meant for a private.

So i was totally confused and miserable yesterday and...i wanted to just have a break from "noisy" girls...so i met a super nice person and we chatted etc. i actually enjoyed the chat a lot.....but of course....i doubt our goals and motivations match because what he wanted i didnt want. i think. so...well but i am sure that when bad things happen....there will be good things to make up for it.

insights

I was blessed to receive some surprising prayer from a lady i didnt meet or talk to for a long time (like since i was 10). she gave me two verses from the bible. i did bump into her from time to time and say hi.

And I was blessed to be involved in a problem or crisis one of my friends is facing now. The other person involved is someone i don't know well at all. And i would think that if i had known her better maybe, just maybe, things would have been better. but what could i do when there was such a huge barrier talking to her or getting even close to holding a conversation.
i would think that good same-gender friendships or communication are really vital to me personally.

Yes i appreciate and love the opposite gender more of course.....! They would make much better life partners (hahaha) and co-parents for my future kids (hopefully if i have) but same-gender friendships need to be there for support and understanding.

it is just disheartening and demoralising at office (work CAN be a hazard, even office jobs) when people don't use the tone they would like to have others speak to them. i had to speak to a colleague abt this.....sigh!!

dear God

we're lost without you.....

linking things

Watching the movie yesterday in GV Dhoby reminded me of my good old days watching brad pitt movies in secondary school.We admired his longish hair, his cool look in Legends of the Fall and other shows. then there's this other show that's the talk of town too - the mighty Superman.........tada!

Then i suddenly think of events happening here in Singapore. Like how one Climactic thing or environmental thing can trigger so much talk in town, on internet.......(thank God our leaders are immune to people's comments but of course we hope for creative solutions to this).....and how this thing actually could trigger major questions like how it happened and how we can deal with it and look at the positive side like, staying indoors can help increase the birth rates of singapore...haze can reduce workoholism so we become more relaxed and enjoy what we have....we get a break from work......etc

And it just got me thinking.....like how one small talk on skype or whatsapp from friends or about BGR (boy girl relationships) can trigger out so much thinking and linking to causes of happenings. like why did this happen. was there another reason......what's the link? is this the link or this? and you pick up from there a few other issues to solve and wonder about. not bad..........the haze. what a trigger :P

50 ways to turn off a guy

1) don't shower
2) wear auntie clothes
3) dig your nose in front of him
4) use coarse language
5) look terrible
....
....

if he still likes you after that.....hm......

coincidences

You know sometimes when you meet strange people on the streets, on bus, train etc.....and they seem approachable.......haha. then you can have a good laugh. ;)

the hangover movie.....lol

Not as great as their prequel........gee did i get the word right? the hangover was a sequel so the previous episodes were better than the third one. ah hah.
I am still on the fence when it comes to that topic again. it's really the crossroads between what the world and or "everyone" says and does. And justifying it or calling it "openess", well, frankly "openess" is another word for "meaninglessness" because if everything were that open......what meaning is there to things? i mean the things in the private.

the other type of purity written in Hosea 8 today is the purity of Following God

i want to watch my show

ok.....so i just want to watch my show there are actually a few i haven't caught though i really want to....... :(

honest or courteous?

930am to 3.30pm: i love facebook! i found out a lot of things from it :)

5pm: First you can't force love.....now......u cant even force friendship....so nothing can be forced......then what? just....let God make things happen or.......let people come to their own realizations........or.......what?

5.30pm: After "shocking" pieces of news everywhere....lol.....i shall steady myself and seek to really seek Him...first.......and not....look....at......the......world.....still praying and seeking You for where to go and what to do someday when i have to leave this country.....out of comfort zone into.......where? don't worry i am praying about where........it's intense yet mysterious and really cool to trust You about this...again being in this office reminds me constantly of my prayer life with the one who created us.
Because God cannot take the form of a statue or carving or symbol......He is a Spirit. So reminders come but they remind me i should pray to God Himself.

forgetting to be thankful

I just realised after a super-lack-of-sleep yesterday how lacking in thanking God for my blessings.
those things that we have without asking......those things that we don't have to go to the doctor for, those things we don't have to beg for.....the things that we don't need effort to do....like breathe.....the climate.....day and night......food.....shelter.....deep sleep....clean water.....toilets (and not open fields).....clothes....health - physical and mental.
Most importantly, hope.....to live and each day of our lives.
the will to carry on and carry out our life vision and purpose.
Thank you Lord.....thank you so much.....

real and imaginary

I think sometimes its our imagination that truly takes us places and truly shows the smarter side of us....the subconscious mind! harhar.
So here i am dreaming again........while at work. but i am working.....so while working i am thinking of this random idea.....here it goes:

What if what we truly asked and longed and pined for reached us, and it wasn't as what we hoped or imagined to be......or as good as we thought it would be?
And on the other hand what if the thing we were "ok with" or neutral about came to us and after we committed to it (like for instance a job) we actually REALLY love it?
I think it works that way.

However if there's something we totally cannot be with and cannot tolerate or have absolutely no passion for......reach us.....i think we will leave or find a way to.....hm.......

<sup>The verse that ties in with my current state of mind/life. teehee.

13</sup> For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. 
Galations 5:13

here i am

but ok....i am writing 'here i am' as a title because here i am really finally here in this job of my passion to stay.......in this job i actually really like and not "i have to do this for the sake of.(money, survival, people pressure)......." so.......thank YOU (God)....

lalalala

Well....what an "exciting" and overly eventful week......quite unexpected highs and lows.....the highs were really high and the lows were ok not that bad until that point of......
I guess we know in all things God works things out for those who love Him and in His purposes. i am STILL keeping on in what i strongly believe in and hold on to. so there....i don't think anyone saying this or that to me can really shake my core beliefs that easily even if its like 10 smses in the middle of the night advising me to do this or that because they think "it's right". That is assuming....1) people don't know what is wrong or right 2) people don't have a conscience.

this is quite amusing if u look at it this way

i was so excited about my new activity and learning about a new sport last two weeks that i........overdid it. and because of over-exertion, now i am like in over-exhaustion....
But of course.....i am still happy about this new thing because of muscle memory......in the long term the muscle will go back to where it was built up before. thanks to info from one of my teammates whose birthday was that day of d-boat practice. she's nice!

you can't give up

because I haven't given up on you. -  thus saith the lord.....

you can't get stuck there

the thing i learnt about negative or depressing emotions is this: you cannot stay stuck in there.
the only person who will be happy is the devil and you're not made for life on earth to make that guy happy.
So...what's that famous phrase again?
"Keep calm and carry on"
Lol......not just that
but also
"Keep doing what is right and good"

fitness or the lack of it

i didnt know how unfit i was till since last saturday.
and yesterday....
so...for these few weeks at least..........i decided to join this:

its some international dragon boat team.......and their trainings. funny how i don't look nice in solo pics but only in pics where there are a wide variety of people....heh

tasteless jokes

i decided never to write or speak too much on certain days of the year like for instance, april fools' day.
or else false alarms will ring.

So here i am again at trying to decide about other more important things again.

happening

for me this whole week and weekend was not too happening till today.
when i am most tired then friends keep calling or needing attention.
when i am free and bored most of the time no one calls etc.
c.s. lewis's book the screwtape letters are profoundly written but have such deep meaning. i strongly recommend it to the new and old christian. he tends to write in a style that crosses ages groups.
and the best thing that's happening now is... its 1.40am and i have an interview at 11am in few hours time and i am still up trying to make sense of almost every single word on that company's website....

directions

At this point in time when after i have finished up some obligations...it's time for me to...
go where the wind blows....(like the song) No! Seek God and circumstances and peace and open doors and Godly advisors too.

On Mon night i had a dream about this place where i used to work for like one year plus. And i actually walked there from town. When i got there there was nothing unusual or strange or special. Just the same stuff. the funny thing was today i happened to walk there again, this time to the food place i used to eat at. and some things changed. again, nothing different.

So now i'm thinking of all my options. sometimes the plan seems to be so "for me" and so coincidental, but is it really God or just a coincidence? hard to tell aint it? so if a trip falls on my birthday does it mean i am meant to go on it? *ponder*

why can't people pray to God? religion is not simply a way of life. there has to be a God. there has to be a God you can TALK to.

Gen 1
1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.² The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters.

Why would this writing carry weight over the centuries, and approved in the bestselling book in the world, if it didnt make sense?

Again, this book talks about Jesus. The person and God who changed lives. He could change your life too.

relationships ....again

Here goes the "favourite" topic of many girls and...well some guys....those who are in touch with their hearts. So......i have found out that when you start off with a no first or zero or nothing its much easier to handle a "buidling up" or a proper relationship from a "nothing". that's better than giving fase hope at the start. let your "no" to a person slowly become a yes. quarelling helps too BUT only at the start. from the pickiness and quarels, slowly grow a friendship. of course dont quarrel if the person is injured or sad or has issues or is hurt or upset.

Also guys should talk more........not become CHATTY for the sake of talking because that could be a turn off but be open and honest and ready for........conversation. show your interest in engaging the girl..so that when she wants to speak and ask questions, you are most ready for her. and INTERESTED. Witty, funny or intellectual conversations are the safest bet.
I won't marry a guy who i have not had at least a minor argument with because arguments show you're being real and honest about who you are and what you stand for. show that you can argue and handle arguments now.......or else, enjoy the silence for the rest of your life.

Also personal acceptance rates. Be open to friendships, dates and getting to know the person as a whole...not just choose those from "the party scene" or the "beach club scene" or a type you like. (e.g. the nerd, the intellectual, the cool dude/chick, the good looker, the funny class clown, the quiet dude, the charmer). Certain traits you tend to go for, should always be checked and examined case by case instead of sticking to a list for the sake of it. which leads to my next point.

if you're a religious person, or believes in God or a way of living, or have no god (find one...it's good to have some kind of direction in life), ask your God/god to lead and direct your plans and steps. the bible speaks about Trusting in God with all your HEART (first, and not the mind) and not leaning on your own understanding. and He will direct your steps (prov 3;5-6). I would usually first, seek my own heart and see what i find there (like who, more like it), and then pray for each case/person. So you have to know yourself (your heart) first then ask God. Its usually red yellow or green light. no answer is good because it could be a yes.

Also be very aware that no matter what the world says about free-sex and casual sex and yes the very famous "Everyone is doing it"...the bible always mentions that physical love binds people together. (he who sleeps with a prostitute becomes one with her) spiritually, emotionally etc. so unless you want to be tied spiritually and emotionally and mentally for a long time with anyone or a number of people....for duno how long (till memory fades)....you could try abstinence.

feelings come and fade away any time. so marriages, if based on just the "falling in love" feeling to last a lifetime, high chance will not hold. the heart, logical decision, and gut-feel (u know urself and ur long term what-things-u-like-that-will-hold-longest best).

nothing to post yet

more to come later....... :) after this weekend.....which is already 1 third gone. sigh!
last weekend i was at a crazy party but it was nice.

lafter

the lord hears us. I was feeling tired as in mentally of being so close to work......i live quite near my workplace. some call it a blessing but for me i need distance. because i constantly like to separate my work life from my life. haha. not the people. the idea of "going to work" and starting the day so supe early.

so yea monday was that beautiful movie. it was so sweet. though sightly dark. and then just when you thought ok, God is good to me on monday already.....tuesday came and He was even good-er. what happened was i was just taking a stroll or usual brisk walk down outram park through chinatown and guess what? i was trying to avoid those kind of specially designed roads again (civil engineering term) and passed by this club that had comedies every tuesday. live stand up comedies wit comedians talking about 5-10 min each. total about 7 to 10 comedians. i was wearing BRIGHT RED shorts and slippers and glasses. so basically i looked like a............geek? yes. indeed.

i walked up and asked the entrance lady how much a ticket would cost just to listen to their slaptick and tasteless jokes which i already had a taste of in aug 2012. she said ten bucks. i was like......hmm.....then suddenly some foreign student, came up to the club too, with his friends and said "anyone wants to buy my extra ticket, going at ten bucks" i was like "i will buy if its 8 bucks" he said ok. then i said i have to get an ATM because i only have 3 bucks. he said "then buy me a drink and u get this ticket free" i was like ohhh can use my credit card. in the end i just gave him back my ticket which meant free drinks for him and i didnt spend any money. he introduced me to his friends....too. hahaha. so i made friends AND....got to laugh my bluez away!! BUT the humour was very stupid as usual. So,.....a good time of laughs and new friends in my BRIGHT RED shorts and slippers in the middle of near town.

that's God's way of telling me, "I SO know you need a good laugh this week".

talk to me thru anything

That movie. I was surprised. Kind of touched seriously that God would and could speak thru it right to my heart. The stuff that has to be cleared....all the fears, the events that happened that completely "pissed me off"  pardon my language but that was exactly how I felt about cetain things that happened recently in my life that of course I wasn't happy about. In a movie. yes God spoke/spake to my spirit and soul and heart in a movie. Its not about romance or love here. It's about some other things that i recently faced but now have finished with it but still need to know how to "deal" with.
And thru thr protagnist herself in the show, i could use her lines, her exact lines for myself.
"Clean out the bad and the good...from inside you....go go....." something to that effect when she spoke to her guy. she was also trying so hard all the time to prepare before that turning point in her life (hitting 16 yrs old) to hopefully bring out the good side of herself rather than the bad. It was all very metaphoric and deep to me.
And i know i am writing in a cryptic way here but oh well i just realised how strong words can be and yet......when people talk when they are fatigued or angry we cannot take them too seriously. Words are such a double edged sword........to be used and yet not to be taken seriously at certain times. but for sure, there IS an effect. big or small.......there are effects in words.
And YES............YOU made the innemost of our beings. you know every single emotion (look i am not always talking about romantic love etc) that we have and things we go through. everything is transparent, laid before you. How on earth was i ever drawn to this movie, with such a strange genre, that could be so much of what i needed at this point in time.....i think the Lord just knows TOTALLY what we need and want at each step in life and he does , he really does make things happen, people cross our paths, movies where the story or characters speak what you need at that point in time, "coincidences" of bumping into people, reminders of certain people you met who reallly was a live walking example of how effective quiet prayer was....etc.

valentine's day

i can and cant believe it. i was actually dateless the past 2-3 years for vday. i think its at least 2 years...or more. oh well.....let's face it. some things i've learnt from this commercialised occasion are these

v-day is PERSONAL. just because your younger sister or brother has a date or partner doesnt mean things are the same for you.......God writes each love story.....differently! while i sit back and watch and silently applaud (if i do)....i am contented but not

v-day is a day to know yourself and others (who are date-less) more. haha no, kidding. it really means more time to know your good friends or casual friends better......especially those who want to meet up. usually these people are whining and complaining about others heh.......or why they have no dates......again, kidding....the SOLO time you have with yourself watching movie or walking down town or countryside will give you a chance to pray with your eyes open, literally and enjoy scenery. and relax from work stress.

v-day makes you question - who do I really like/love or what type of guy or girl do i really hope for. are my dating methods working?? lol.......

v-day makes you think, "what are people loving these days? is it money or themselves or status or work or security or ......or........love itself." its so easy to fall in love wit the notion of love itself and how "good" it makes you feel about yourself and all the vibes and warm fuzzy feelings you get when in pursuit or being pursued by someone. but true love is a lot about not just sacrifice but also patience (with the person) and self-control and giving and a lot of forgetting yourself........i duno just haven't got to that point for myself.

v-day is a day for people like me to write posts like these........

say what you say

After a while you realize people can say what they say and not mean a thing so the best thing is to judge by what they do and don't do. words spoken hastily or in a frenzy or when afraid or angry or at non-calm state etc.....or the worst when joking.......and it's taken seriously........that's really the most annoying one of them all.

So judge by what they do and don't do, and speech spoken in a calm non agitated state........this London museum pic reminds me of the new stuff i learnt in the Natural History Museum (though this is pic of National History Museum). I actually learnt a bit of forensic science in Natural History Museum!

I've gotten fed so much these few days because of the famous popular CNY in my country......which involves chinese and koreans......mostly chinese. i'm beginning to drop a lot of unnecessary things in my life just to take up the things that are more "important". i think it works that way.

so the only things i hope won't happen now is that i'm not gained too much weight. haha. i wonder what non chinese people do these few days........shop? exercise? walk around? then you realize that as years go by lesser and lesser people come or turn up for extended family gatherings because they start forming their own nuclear (immediate) family or live elsewhere (migrated). i guess i am still "constant" and not much change in that sense and i am in absolutely no hurry to make any major decisions in my lfie so quickly. whyever for anyway?........=) life adapts to me while i adapt to what it throws at me.....haw haw haw!

its not always what you see on the surface....i always seek the TRUTH of things. this pic taken at speakers corner in uk reminds me of how we should always ask or talk to people to find out what the truth is rather than assuming or guessing etc.....besides always good to hear both sides or all sides of a story and others' opinions.

the horrible-ly slow process

i'm just going to put this out there......i don't care what people think and or say or both haha.

Please let be because of just ONE reason / thing........
That.......

The ’perfect‘ guy is praying for me out there....haha i know this sounds really incredible and nearly impossible like what are the chances of this person out there doing that, right? praying.......but then a lot of us do as well too......in the secret.

haw haw haw haw haw........ ;p :p :) ;) This picture taken in one of the churches i stayed in in London reminds me of what some of these missionaries learnt and taught us.......most or almost all of them respected the rule of no dating for one year so that they can be focussed on God and His calling and work rather than just date around or be on hunting mode.

just a post

I'm just a little un-tired as i slept a lot the night before....so here i am in the quiet still of the night.....such luxury of a slight chill for us here.....while the southern and northern hemisphere of the world is snowing right now!

When will i ever get to see real-life falling snow?? I'm either too early or too late when i visit temperate countries!! I miss my new friends from temperate places.......lol.

1) Gotta say i'm seriously thankful though i am still surprised that i actually have a job now....and people are actually quite encouraging about it.....stuff like "you should stay at least 2 years". A job, whether you earn money or not.....has gotta be something you have a calling in, see purpose or have passion in.
we also tend to overlook thankfulness for ...

2) good health......i had a free medical checkup and i seem ok. do not take good health for granted!!!

3) Interests ........like a musical talent, interest in reading, studying languages, dancing, photography, walking, running, sports, smiling, laughing, listening to others whine/laugh/brag/cry, observing people of different personalities, shopping, window shopping, suntanning, exploring new places, science experiments (lol), selling something......meeting new people, theatre, movies, work, food. What would life be without interests?

So yup here i am. Thankfully trying to verbalise or put in words what i hope NOT to take from God for granted....

he is no fool

Who takes a job he cannot lose

Or He who tries a job for some time which he loses

At least he hath gained experience

At some point

in life.....you realize that

just remembering or 

thinking of some people 

is enough to make you cry (moved to tears)

of these, the greatest is love

The end does not justify the means. The means and ways and methods we reach out to others, including our own kind....is really soul-catching.

For instance love. Which person is not won over with love?

On personal experience (firsthand).....I was a bit afraid of some of my teammates I had to work with at first, but i didn't even know them yet as persons. Because of some bad past experience I had with a certain type of people years ago....and these were people with same beliefs as me, by the way, a few years ago....so by stereotyping, I was quite afraid to well, work, with them.

But in the end, like at the end of the trip and getting to talk to them and work with them, well I was won over and in fact, impressed by their respect shown and their ways of working. The past experience I had with people of "that same kind" was totally completely re-written in a positive way this time because I had a good personal experience firsthand with them again. And this time it was a memorable and positive one.

1 Cor 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Dear Girls,
If you're ever tempted to lose your decency too fast and let a guy touch you or get physically close too quickly....before knowing each other properly....
Just think....Somewhere right now...
There IS someone special and worth it is praying for you and waiting for you out there. (because you're worth it and so is he). And please...anything worth it is worth waiting for. So patience is not a problem for him.
He values marriage and knows it's importance.
He may be writing letters to you and preparing to meet you, that special girl/woman of his life someday. He trusts God to bring both of you together.

for the lack of cheem words

Suddenly being back for like more than a week, I have completely lost my speed of talking and regained the singlish accent.

i do not miss the cold in england but it was really fun scrambling always for the most reachable gloves, scarf, leg warmers, winter cap and ear muffs whenever i stepped out of a buliding or a cafe or a bus where there were heaters. either that or if there was no time, to stuff my hands into my pockets. this keeps us all very busy. keeping warm.

So......basically i learnt so many things about different countries.