what an intense weekend. first was avoiding frantically those type of celebrations at c.q. though enjoying like 20 min of the music. the moment i couldn't get in free into the club i was like "ok this is a sign that i am not supposed to take part in this event" to the rational mind, this would be like....."oh come on kim......does it make sense? you can just pay" but i was like "this is a good sign to just not attend a strange party like this. no matter how superficial its still a type of....(that type of celebration)" so your mind tries to think of all excuses to find a "no" somewhere...any sign will do.
then sunday i again attended my two and half services (usually 3). church.i realised in settings where there is praise and etc, there is always a chance of envy. but this is an emotion due to the ego and basically what is the ego - not really self esteem is it? its just plainly....the part of our "Bonus esteem" the part where is not as necessary as the esteem but just extra. (if have then have, don't have then don't have one) so anyway as long as the self esteem part of us is intact....that's a lot more important than the extra ego parts like getting heaps of praises and adulation. we all don't need too much praise to live this life.
love, the kind that the bible writes about.......gets happy for others or doesn't mind when others win or when others gain something. even if it minds when others gets something, it shouldn't mind to the point you forget what you have. (all the other blessings) if it reaches that point you know who down there has gained some kinda control in your life. and that could be scary....a bit (slight bit) of envy is good if it drives you to do the right things and be competitive in doing what's good and helpful for others and yourself but not to the point it becomes competition for the sake of competition, to win a prize for the sake of a prize, to win an argument for the sake of winning the other person, or to outwit a person, for the sake of outwitting them (To show 'hey i am better'..........because no one really bothers about who is better at the end of the day it is God who judges us all based on our heart and deeds and words). why do we want to live for people who come and go
but usually i don't really get envious as long as i get my attention diverted elsewhere or to other places. like friendships, other world causes, events, people, their problems....... :).of course use common sense and don't get attention at the expense of your health or safety. duh.....and mental well being. those are critical for whatever you do.
ok lunch after church was quite interesting and ok....i was super super touched when one of the older adults (Again can be my grandfather's age, super thin guy) just went forward and foot the bill quietly. he didnt brag about it even. despite each person's costing about 8-11 dollars per meal.there were like 11 of us so he paid like $90-$100?
but i think this emotion is okay as long as you know that God is always good and has been good to you.
also with favourites.......gee.......i really don't mind and don't care too much as long as the good Lord knows what I need. He doesnt always give us what we want. but what we need, will He not give?
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