finally a blog entry

(written more for myself to read)
it was another outing with the aunties plus two other young ladies about my age. the whole time was spent all in one mall - the mall i grew up with my ntu exams in......jurong point. lolz. now it has extended a new wing .... voila! vwa la... like an angel sprouting new wings.... the whole boon lay area always never fails to bring that really bittersweet really nostalgic memories of my ntu life. i had too much fun there that's the only bad thing. academically, always remember, how little effort you put in kim. and the various focuses you had. friends, helping friends, social, activities, hostel, exercise, creating that sense of belonging in class and in school, hanging out, being comfortable was all it was about.

i should have sat down at the start of the whole uni life and really thought out my goals for 4 years. and praying, do well in them. that's one thing i can really learn about my uni days....to set my goals....but God knows i needed the time too to recover from A levels and 2 years of disordered living. but i didn't need 4 years did i?

ok so......there was this show on tv today that impressed me on its honesty and blatancy in bringing out society's needs.....for social welfare to the poor. the bible always reminds us of how we should take care of orphans, widows and the poor. and the weak. that's like giving to Jesus as well. a team of volunteers went to clean up this poor family's house - the couple had two mentally handicapped adult sons. and the team bought furniture for them. the family was in debt too. the show hosts sourced a job for the mother. i was encouraged but still hope other families in similar situations get the welfare they need.

compensates

the lovely thing about God is that He compensates to those who love Him. And for that I think we should all have a deep-set trust in His care for us. And be grateful for every thing.

i'm especially grateful for Friends - both guys and gals, who are encouraging. a friend divides the sorrow and doubles the joy.....etc etc etc.

for-give-ness (3 syllables)

right now i'm imagining myself sitting in a warm starbucks cafe at night and having a serious talk with some closer pals, the kind of friends you can just be totally yourself with, rant and rave and they still accept you, laugh with you or nod in sympathy with you and really can feel what you're going through (not just superficially).

it has occurred to me this month through various circumstances (mostly not so pleasant) that the key to healing emotionally and spiritually is NOT just hearing or knowing the comforting words of God.

It is...... For-giveness. Forgiveness is one subtle but potent, vital remedy to wounded hearts or souls and speeds our very own healing process - of emotions, spirit and soul.

Yes, our God is the Most-merciful. His promises are so assuring and comforting.

But is it enough to just hear and lean on those promises? I realised when I was 14, some circumstances in life really challenged me and yes i clung on to the promises of His love BUT there was something more, a step further, i had to do, that i could do, something i could do that was proactive yet not difficult.

In my inner spirit, i knew i could forgive those that had hurt me. No matter how angry i was. So i did. it was uncomfortable, it was difficult. It feels nice holding on to a grudge because a grudge feels like "haha i'm making them payback for what they did by staying angry".

then gradually as i forgave, i realised it was changing me. i don't know about others around but it was as though a burden was off me! i was happier! i could smile, i could look them in the eye, i could be friendly, i didn't have to waste time frowning/sulking, i didn't have to waste energy in saying something back "later" (revenge?), or praying to God for justice. how emotionally draining and ageing that can be. arghhhhh.......

yupz, and because i learnt how to forgive, my next few years in high school have been memorable till i graduated from there; even though it was unpleasant at the start.

what a good reminder it was thru a sharing at tues group.

updates again

as with every trip overseas, there will always be new news.......gee haha. i like the pun. be it in your own country or during the trip itself, there will be good and not so good stuff that occurred.

so what did i learn from my china trip? wow i promised myself i wouldn't go back there for a long long time after what happened last year where i thought i would be going for a one year stint there and it turned out all my plans went down the drain when i found out God had other plans for me which was to go back to the marketplace (of work) first. so well i guess i have definitely recovered from that. it was just a shocker that time. not too much of a hurt.

so this time i forgot what happened and there i was back in my ancestors' (at least 3 generations up) hometown. not the exact place but well same country. and this time haha it was WITH my parents and their team believe it or not. i know, no one would believe i actually would have gone with my parents. but yup the trip happened. and it was pretty ok too. i guess i got to know my parents better in a different way. like seeing them in action (teaching, haha) and getting to know their friends and how they interacted with their friends. And of course they got to know me better as i expressed myself a lot more as well.

needless to say, i enjoyed talking more with their friends (age ranging from 11 to 56 yrs old). haha one whole family with two teenaged boys came. my roommate was fun to chat with, and joke with. the rest just opened up about their views on work politics, bgr, churches, and their own lives.

it was really fun and the best part? No accents!! no offence to other with accents but look i have my own unique accent which is the singlish accent that people everywhere have trouble adapting to. lolz. ok most other countries except our neighbours.

Its amazing that when you meet in person the country that you always hear about or read about only, you realise how different it is from what u hear about. going with an open mind despite what you hear (the negative) really makes you experience China culture in all it's beauty. the people's attitudes and hearts are so underestimated here. Man, have most of them got enthusiasm and more "Stranger friendliness" (open to talk to strangers) and asian warmth than we have as a Chinese race put together. The food is so good too, nonwithstanding the toilets of course....

U know my previous post with all those verses???
It's because I was anxious about a situation......almost freaked out but anyway.....it was an honest false alarm and i'm glad to say souls have already been saved before the verses were typed and not in any form of high risk now.
Maybe God knew I was going to pray this prayer already even though its really the wrong timing lolz.

Spirit and soul food

Exodus 15:13
In your unfailing love you will lead
the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them
to your holy dwelling.

Exodus 34:5-6
Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood
there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD.
And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming,
"The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and
gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love
and faithfulness

Nehemiah 9:17
They refused to listen and failed to remember the miracles
you performed among them. They became stiff-necked
and in their rebellion appointed a leader
in order to return to their slavery.
But you are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love.
Therefore you did not desert them,

Job 37:13
He brings the clouds to punish men, or to water his earth and show his love

Colossians 3:3-4
For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Psalms 18 (of David)
⁶ In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.

Psalm 36:5
Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

Psalms 139: 7-9 (Of David)
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Isaiah 63:9
In all their distress he too was distressed,
and the angel of his presence saved them.
In his love and mercy he redeemed them;
he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.

Assuming the best

tough topic but I feel this has personally challenged me in my Walk, which is something not easy to do and yet also an important thing to do as a Jesus follower.

The famous love chapter 13:4-5 talks about love being patient (already difficult), kind, (tough to be consistent), not jealous, not boastful, not proud nor rude. It doesn't demand, is not irritable nor keeps record of wrong.

Keeps no record of wrong is a very tough one as it includes not just forgiveness, not being easily offended and assuming the best in others, which is a way of loving them. Being offended means, we assume people want to hurt us. Then we can't really love them fully. Which hurts the relationship. (Due to factors like , we had been hurt in the past, this person did something that reminds me of this other person, didn't get that chance to grow in that area of our lives yet, etc)

I feel, taking the risk again to love people (despite them reminding you of the past) is a good solution to this. Though it is scary at first.

I'm so glad that God is stable; God says "I love and value you so much i died for you"
God says you are worth more than "many sparrows" and that he can count the hairs on our head. God says "for I know the plans I have for you, plans for good, and not to hurt you, plans for a future and a hope"

candid camera conversation

What's funnier than being caught being yourself at a funny moment on camera?

Ans:
Having someone come up to you in person and telling you "sorry ah i happen to stumble upon your secret blog and read it. I happened to google my own name and your blog had my name on it. then i read thru and realised you were the owner of the blog. Paiseh, sorry I read it! If you want your blog to be secret ah, I can teach you how....."

"Er, oops sorry i mentioned your name. nothing that secretive on it lah.....in fact it's good people find it because blah blah blah......"

"But i know some people who do have secret blogs and this is how they do it. they actually blah blah blah...."

Yes this is what happened to me today, when i went to tues group and the person was none other than the main leader himself. i was like, had to laugh highly amusedly because he seemed soo apologetic that he happened to read it!! hahaha (blogs are online because they're not meant to be that secretive)

reminiscing

It takes ages to stop remembering a good trip
it takes EONS to stop missing a fantastic one
and every single person involved.

I also see beautiful scenery here......eg the greenery, skies, sunsets, beaches!!
there's a whole lot to prepare for next year and the job plans years beyond.

And i question myself a lot: Is a job just for the money? Or to fit into society?

i think i would desire Purpose and Passion.

of all things

i hate to admit this but a secular song played on radio actually comforted me today.
i'm not feeling that great for what may seem to some, a very lame reason. no one, not even my best friend will believe me.....unless they are also eccentric. lolz.

it was some silly (pardon me) rock band those teeny bopper kind with electric guitars that went "loving you's (so sweet).......loving you.......loving you's (so sweet)......." repeatedly and i never liked repetitive songs till i heard that song. haha.....i might have got the lyrics totally wrong! oh well the tune was soo nice

sketchy plans of future

...i have so many stuff i wanna do, when i heard so many fresh ideas from people around. then again, i remind myself, these are ideas. not devaluing them, but i still have to seek Him about them.

- the jet program in japan (which is about teaching english),
- the whole 4 and half year teaching stint in s'pore (more or less no choice oredee),
- and maybe helping/teaching kids who are less fortunate

believe me,
Humanitarian trips are much more fulfilling than just travelling for the sake of it, TRY it! Don't forget, you get to know and bond with the people there more than just sightseeing.

Don't forget, there is a good problem of new friends whom i got to meet in the country another also all from different countries, the emails u can write to them n receive.....to encourage each other in the walk (the Walk we have with our Father who is not just in heaven but omnipresent).
Of course i am (and so should u) always be in need of The Book and The Walk to sustain, refresh and nourish my spirit and soul.

persistent hope

its cool how God brings people and even strangers to cross paths with you at work, at play, at anywhere, and you reach this point of bonding or friendship where you cant help but keep on praying for them, that one day they would also be in that same place you are, that they would join you, to be with the Lord, when all our physical bodies depart the earth.

reflections on the trip

the place
i was expecting eye opening life changing stuff like jungle survival even though only soldiers get that sort of training. well i got to see a simpler way of life and making do with whatever simple technologies they, the people had. it makes me think, dont singaporeans have too much that they get too complicated?


i thought i wouldn't be able to adapt to the hygiene but it worked out fine. though i was cringing at first.

I realised being so low tech has made me see the beauty of God's creation and feel so much closer to God and His work. I felt comforted gazing at the sloping hills of evergreens that seemed to touch the sky, to see the sky turn purple-orange at every sunset.

what we gave and served
now this is one big eye opener. i was actually amazed that we took 3 to 4 hours to plan one day's lesson for 5 classes (for kindergarten, Grade 1,2,4 and Packet class). and that was 5 of us in the team working together!!! can you imagine if it were just one person teaching - me? it would be much worse! i should be spending like what - 5 hours per day's lesson planning? arghhh it goes to show how lack of commitment and effort i have in my job compared to some others without the certs and degrees.besides the talents and creativity some people have, it was really the unselfish efforts of some of my teammates that made me wake up and ask myself,

"Am i giving only THIS little to God?"


The d-day (testimony)
that was day i worked my hardest and God showed me His power thru weakness and gave me strength to live the whole day and survive through the embarrassing testimony. i slept 3 hours the night before, being stressed about teaching the next day. and i didn't feel any one in my team contributed ideas to my lesson. which was frustrating and tiring. then i had to share my embarrassing testimony about my 14 yrs old experience to these 300 people! including missionaries from everywhere in the world who just met me. what if they saw me differently, just as i'm making friends with them? what if the kids think i'm weird and don't talk to me or be my friend any more? what if i was blacklisted as "lousy" "bad" weird" "different" and they couldn't accept me as I was?

but i don't know how or why, my whole team was SOOO encouraging. i was amazed that 3 people came up to me AFTER my sharing to thank me and encourage me that it was a good sharing. That some of them had the same experience too when they were younger. We had a long and open conversations sharing past experiences. That it took God and Jesus to heal the wound and walk beside them to get over the hurt.

being real

I am back, for good. lol
Back in my country that is. and yes i am still as real as before.
nothing will really change that (that i'm real and very honest).

1) i am happy i survived in a foresty area.
2) i am happy to meet different nationalities from different parts of the world coming together for a good cause and sharing their lives
3) i am touched by cute smiles, hugs, playfulness and hand-holding from little friends that i made at the orphanage
4) i am glad to have a chance to teach english and God's creation to them.
5) i am glad to be able to share my most serious testimony that took place 12 years ago to more than 100 people.
6) i am touched by others' open sharing about their hurt lives that have been changed, by Jesus.
7) i finally got a chance to be closer to God in nature.

prayer download

This Week, a team of six (2 guys, 4 ladies) joins at least

three other teams to work amongst Dayak tribal young people within the jungles of

West Kalimantan for a few days.

We will be serving the Living Waters project, which is World Outreach's largest

project in West Kalimantan and in Asia.

Living Waters began under miraculous circumstances in 2003, and has grown

into a very real living example of a miracle that does not respect human limitations

of what is considered possible.

The project’s vision is to house 1,000 tribal Dayak young people and educate 2,000 of

them, whom are among the poorest of Borneo.

Scary dream

scary dream last night can actually make me more encouraged than a sweet dream!
it was another one of those "must be from God kinda dreams" where i wake up remembering! and it was scary. not in the horror sense. i only remembered the ending part of it, so i guess it has to be from God.......because usually i don't remember any of my dreams.

i was in a train......then suddenly it got stuck......and there was some weird smoke.....and i was there frantically smelling the horrible smells and trying to escape and help others escape. it was soo tough getting to the other side.......and trying to pull people with me, to the escape door. the process seemed to take ages. then i saw one of the enemy (God's enemy) with a sinister grin.

then i awoke.

Immediately i knew it was God trying to tell me to remember the task of helping to save souls. "What is of more value than a person's soul?" The message seemed to ring clear.

i was like "whoa........i have kinda forgotten this past 3-4 weeks! I was so busy doing stuff, having schedules to meet, i totally forgot about helping to save souls and er, quiet time."

What will it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, but loses his soul?
Matt 16:26

lots to do

tasks at hand:
1) Missions trip prep - send prayer letter out, testimony prep, first aid course(??)
2) Insurance exam -M5 paper
3) To take or not to take a temp job for 2 months
4) collect my photos and contacts which i have paid for
5) Live without internet for 2 months (??)

cancelled but ok

ok now i'm left with one trip.....as the KL one got erm......disrupted due to unforeseen circumstances. which strangely i felt nothing about......or glad actually. i was totally un-at-peace about a lot of things that snowballed.....so anyway......it's good to have just one good trip now to focus on.......cool.

like the saying goes, we don't have to say "Yes!" to everything or be at every popular event.....if things narrow down by themselves, its can be good too. lol. i'm laughing at how ironic this is........gotta reimburse or compensate my friend though......whom i promised to go with. she aint going either. 80 percent cos of me.

i was totally encouraged today actually despite the cancellation. meeting samantha was such an eye opener after 2 or 3 months. i ended up saying a lot and so did she.....like really get to talk....hmm.....then i realised that one good friend can just help so much more than like, 8 casual friends. its a verse in proverbs.

coincidences

Thank you lord for helping me bump into old pals today from ntu.....
hmm indeed sharing life journeys does help and inspire me.
and hearing good stories about people who are also in their journeys of life.

i can't wait for my trip to the countryside at west Kalimantan
where i can hear You more clearly. KL and Kalimantan, here comes me!

things u talk to God about

sometimes we humans make errors, even in our MOST honest prayers, even to Him, the Almighty. We tell him "okok i think its the most right thing for me to do now, focus on my job. focus on my family.....worry about this first etc."

then all these compartmentalization leads to what? endless stacks of things waiting for each other to be done first. hmm.....i guess every area of our lives are to be submitted to Him first. And then a listening of what He wants to say. About each individual area of our lives. Sometimes He wants every of these aspects of our lives to grow concurrently? Or some aspects to heal concurrently? What if that were the case?

i guess meeting up with people who have gone thru at least one full generation ahead of mine does help. =) Life , well.....is such a challenge and such a great big leap! never is each day the same

here am i

typing how i feel so please do not read if u do not want to eavesdrop

seriously speaking, through these 'trials' which are more like uncomfortable situations, i realise that they are all used to stretch or challenge me, as a person. the whole point is this: When are people uncomfortable? mostly in new situations, getting to know new cultures or people, being in a new environment, hearing something new, learning new rules. Notice the word "new"?

hmm. (i pause an reflect)

then i realise something. "new" is two way. as much as a person comes to a new environment bringing their own culture, the environment around is also trying to adapt to the new person's culture. so its what - a culture exchange?

nostalgia II

I had an extremely symbollic dream last night. and i am shocked that it was totally real and life-like and did not fade from memory during the dream (while dreaming i knew it was a dream) and even when i woke up every bit of it was fresh and real.

so there he was. (my real uncle) in the dream. talking to me about wanting to bring me to the other side of the river in this narrow boat. the river was black and choppy. i didn't know if i liked the boat nor the water. so i kept hesitating. then he started telling me about how he wanted to patch up with my aunt and he did go to her to tell her that. she just really smiled magnanimously (her usual way) and accepted him back, as in remarried him. after their years of divorce. but the strange part was i felt happy and at peace.. so that was a little cool. but i was shocked still.

then back to the scene of the boat on choppy and dirty water. i was like "no way its so scary, the water. i don't wanna use a narrow boat to get through this". and putting on my life jacket, my uncle said a little frustratedly, "ok then go your own way." AND I DID!!! i didn't care if it was offensive i just needed to get through that place without dying or something.

so i don't know how on earth i crossed to the other side safey and drily while he was turning open the dam in the river so the water gushed and pushed the boat to the other side. it was pretty fun and scary. but my uncle survived! whoa....i would never take that risk.

but there i ended up, in fmss. (my secondary school for only the whole of sec 1). i was in that school for a year in 1996 (in real life too). in the dream it was 1999, sec 4 for me. It was a new building. and different design etc. i spoke to some old teachers. i had no idea why but i just wanted to change back to leave my all-girls school (nygh) to go back to fmss (mixed school) from my girls' school. i told them "Hi Mrs X, I was here in sec 1. I want to come back for this final year. Can I?"

the HOD (some math teacher) called for the principal. she walked in. elegant, tanned, longer hair, Mrs T P.K. "Sorry, as this is the final year and O levels is soon, we cant let u change schools like that."

Then i was like so accepting of it, i don't know why. It just made sense. I looked at her, nodded and walked away, disappointed but accepting.
Then i woke.

God are you telling me something?

nowadays

reading an article from a leader recently in his church magazine, i was surprised he was accurate in decipting young people these days.....or should i say, a lot of people in this generation? some of the quotes were "people want the fun, without the strings attached." "people want the openness without the responsibility" hmmm.

books that matter

still in the bookstore job
i feel libertised...soon!
finally!
what else....i learnt that i like being friendly no matter what happens to me. hehe.
there's so much more to say that this but oh well........

i gotta admit: reading Dr Henry Cloud's books is one of the best therapy for a lot of people.
examples of them:
Boundaries
Boundaries in dating
Changes that heal
How people grow
The secret things of God
How to get a date worth keeping

Nostalgia (terribly)

i totally enjoy the quiet periods of life
not every low-lying period is bad
nor sad....
when circumstances are low
thats when you learn,
think and also grow
then u go

and then when u look back years from now
you can only thank Him
for having had it happen
it brings a strange nostalgia
bitter-sweet,
like the smell of after-rain

then u also remember
the people around
during the time
who were with you
bad or good,
simple or mysterious
ironic or straightforward
they were there for a purpose

and whatever feeling u held towards them
during that time
gradually neutralises into something fondly called
nostalgia

the cool rainy weather today together with the oldish music from upstairs (my neighbour) took me to this level of poetry. or was it the book of psalms yesterday? or was it that singer who sang gospel songs?

when you are so filled with laughter

when you are so captivated by the Holy Spirit
(wait, isn't he called the Holy Ghost as well?)

the world doesn't just grow dim in comparison,
all other stuff doesn't just shrink
they pale into dullness as well
in such enrapturing light

for when one is so amused
simply by watching others tickle
outflowing from abundance of joy
and peace (despite circumstances),
even forgetting all else around them

their laughter,
it makes the joining in so easy
breaking down the barriers
Of human mind's rationale,
As one joins in too.
The joy and freedom of the lord experienced
Makes everything real

Holy spirit, you make things real!
taste and see that the lord IS good.

on a sidenote: (to be read with a chuckle):
QUIT your dating act, all you people my age group!
people of the bible just got married. they never dated!

love changes changes everything...

for every human

jesus we celebrate ur victory....
we revel in your LOVE
we REJOICE you've set us free
your death has brought us LIFE.
it was for freedom that christ has set us free
no longer to be subject
to a yoke of slavery

bored-om Not

went out with yx today...we talked about anything and everything. as usual. i can always be myself around her except for the fact that she never takes anything too seriously...i feel. except about her job, she's getting more serious. even if i say "oh my dog just died" she will go "oh heh...i see i see".

ok.....so aren't you glad there are friends like that? oh well.....my interview today was terrible....i just knew from looking at the 4th person in the panel of interviewers (there were FIVE), that i would NOT make it to any other round of interview...anyway.....

the thing i'm learning from jobs etc is this: i don't think i can choose a job purely because i like its nature. as in job scope itself. there are so many factors to consider. seriously...financial, company culture, management culture, rules, hours, skills learnt, all these play a huge role as well and not just job scope. just like how relationships as well (serious ones) have so many factors to consider

trying to find a meaning to this

i just realised that one of my previous posts talks about being either totally hot or cold. (i was talking about that in the context of religion, and here, christianity)

but i realised one thing.

i don't think people can be hot or cold for the sake of it. that means....without good reason and a good purpose, (e.g.: for the welfare of others) one simply cannot blindly "be on fire" or "be all driven" or "be totally motivated". it would even look silly. i would feel silly trying to be all motivated over a nothing, just for the sake of it.

people need a good abiding reason....to stay motivated.

a reason that doesn't wound them mentally and emotionally and physically,
a reason that gives them hope and/or nourishment,
a reason to give from what they have
a faith to hold on to, even when they have nothing to give.

this faith comes from promises in the bible.....there are 8000 over promises there....and each word there is God-inspired. health to the BONES.

Caesar

Jesus said, when the pharisees tested him,
"Give to God what belongs to Him and to Caesar what belongs to him."

so this august on our country's birthday,

are we paying our taxes honestly?
are we giving back what we have taken from our country?

THINGS not to SAY to your customer

Am i gonna take mom's advice? again?
Sounds pretty decent. haha.

Lol...
Anyway hahahahha...highlights of the 8 days of work (for me as a customer serivce person at a famous place):

THINGS not to SAY to your customer:

1) Our system sucks. We can't find what you want. Please try out our competitor instead down the street.

2) Sorry we don't provide such service. (before being 100% sure we don't provide such service)

3) Please call my manager to check with her about what you want.(then giving her your manager's mobile number)

5) Our system is not accurate at all so we have to look for the items ourselves

6) Sorry, please move there, I have to serve other customers. (there was a long queue!!)

i'm surprised they haven't fired me yet......lol

unLUKEwarm

The bible always advices people to be either HOT or cold and not in the middle.
We've heard, "Be either hot or cold not lukewarm, or I'll spit you out from my mouth" (God said in the bible),

And we wonder if these words actually apply to our own lives.
Well for myself, i really do wonder what it means to be very hot.....and also very cold. (spiritually for God lah).

It's hard to tell the difference between "cold" and "lukewarm" sometimes.

So i guess....i'm just guessing, that cold is a total "no" and "never" to God and godly people and godly counsel. Scorn thrown in even. (and look what God did to change the mind of Paul, previously known as Saul, who was stoning preachers and being prejudiced)

Lukewarm ranges from a "Let me take my time to be on fire for God, I've got a lot to live for first", to a "if God gives me this and that THEN i'll go all out for Him". The best illustration is The parable of the Sower (different seeds ended up differently).

So......being at 2 different sermons from two different places and churches (2 totally unrelated preachers) these two weeks, the same message rang loud,

"Are we going to be un-lukewarm for Him?"

fell in love with this song, again. (reminiscing cm2007)

Lord You are Good
[Israel Houghton]

Lord You Are Good And Your Mercy Endures Forever
(2x)

A B/A C/A D/A
People From Every Nation And Tongue From
Generation To Generation

Chorus

E B D A
We Worship You
Hallelujah Hallelujah
E B D A
We Worship You For Who You Are
E B D A
We Worship You Hallelujah Hallelujah
E/G# Bm7 C - D
We Worship You
For Who You Are You Are Good

Band Interlude: (E- B/E- D/E- A/E)

Bridge:

E5 G5 A
Yes You Are, Yes You Are, Yes You Are
E5
D5 A/C# (C-B)
So Good, So Good, So Good (repeat)
E5 G5 A E5 D5 A/C#
(C-B)
Yes You Are, Yes You Are, Yes You Are

E5 G5 A
You Are Good
All The Time
E5 D5 A/C# (C-B)
All The Time You Are Good (repeat)

(Repeat Verse and Chorus)

Ending:
C2-D C2/E- D/F#
For
Who You Are For Who You Are
Am7-B7 E5
For Who You Are You Are Good

Thank you
Lord for this newest job....

I'm just wondering how long i should stay.
Seriously....i mean most of society can name people
Who change jobs as "job hoppers"

But i honestly think all these are in the process of discovery
And finding yourself, your interests and gifts.

Of course.....there should be a certain purpose and trend in our choices.
Like.....for instance, staying in same industry due to interests and
To gain experience, or being in different jobs BUT for the same cause and purpose
(e.g. to help the poor)
Besides life in earth IS temporary....
I guess when one finds their niche....they will stay and
keep falling back on the reason they chose the job.....to stay.....
We all need that staying purpose in life and jobs

Making Decisions

making decisions (as though God didn't exist)

What is "Seeking God"?
Is it a monologue?
Feeling good vibes after journaling?
Going for a praise and worship session?
Frankly, I am not too sure.
Watching an interesting documentary on God's chosen nation today,

I think means:

1) Not making decision as though He doesn't exist.
2) Seeking Him for direction in 0ur lives (first),
3) WAITing for Him to fulfil His promises, something that many people
of the bible did not do. which is to WAIT.
and as a result, tons of bad consequences came from them taking things
into their own hands, (e.g. Sarah).
4) many times Christians and even God's chosen people (or nation),
continue to make decisions as though it doesn't matter if God existed or not.
5) many times people (even God's chosen), countries rely on their
own strength or political ties to protect themselves.
But Zachariah 4:6
"Not by might,
Not by power,
But by My Spirit,
Says the Lord."

I really hope His chosen people will turn back to Him.

i will miss all my old colleagues

Freedom of Choice.
Freedom to obey (God).
Freedom to believe.

Here is also where the road divides, the path chosen for you, they and he/she, is not the same path chosen for me. =) I will definitely take a more knee-praying, humble listening (to Him), unhurried pace before stepping into my next step of life. Won't u pray for me, and I'll pray for you. Pray that we will keep the common ground.

dreams and plans

here is life's common debate: to follow goals in life or to just flow with what life brings to us. Working for almost 3 years since graduating, I have met various differing opinions and points of view or call them philosophies of life.

"We could plan whatever we wanna plan in life, but it's still up to God to approve."
"We set goals for ourselves and follow them all the way."
"We should shoot for the moon for even if we fail we land among the stars"
"Life is all about fate. It's not up to us." (do you really really think so?)
"The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows where he is going."
"Your destiny is in your hands."
"Life is about freewill and choice. Not fate."
"Life is about decision making every single day. The process of making decisions is the main thing."
"There's two ways to life. We choose to be in God's permissible will or to be in God's perfect will."

Arghh. We are giving fate too much credit. Even though God is still sovereign in the sense He is who He is (The great "I AM"), and ultimately, only if He allows, will things happen, a huge fraction of what happens in our lives is our own Self-will (We are stubborn creatures), and brings about the idea of Freewill and Choice. Not even the devil is can be given than much credit for making things in our life happen.

Again, we say:
“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.”- Psalm 91:1

i wish i were more....

Don't we all wish there was something better about ourselves like, "I wish i were smarter, prettier, funnier, blah blah blah." So here we are, trying to hide our fears and doubts about ourselves behind masks, facades and even a persona. or we get really really defensive or offended when others hit that fragile area of our self identity. BUT see the key word here? Its "self-identity" and not "true identity".

Who are we, to doubt ourselves, how we are made, when we sit down and really ask, "Who is the one who made me?"

"concentrate and be aware"

one of the safety trainings i attended as a compulsary thing working in construction industry was conducted by some ang moh (no offence to caucasians) who kept emphasising that at the construction site, we have to all "concentrate on our work" yet "be aware of surroundings".
to my amusement, i looked around and saw the different reactions of my colleagues, each face or expression representing their own country. (that's the advantage of being in private companies). Several overseas colleagues looked very puzzled and confused even. "How do you concentrate yet be aware?" They asked. so the lecturer threw some of us back the question.
then a "smart" haha, guy replied "ohhh.....it's just like driving, u have to concentrate but be aware."
The lecturer was so pleased with him. "Ahh yes you are correct!"

Then i realised how useful this simple piece of experienced advice was from a 60 year old. (oh well). if we could just apply this theory to our living like being focussed on our work, lives, families, friendships, but still listening and reading others' blogs, news, catching up with people that we see daily down the corridors, neighbours, colleagues who seem childish or silly or aloof (as u never know who they are till u talk to them), even simply observing people....

peaks

hmm...the tendency for many people is to just work hard in the first few weeks or sometimes months in our jobs....then ok we're satisfied with the "peak" we've reached. but the truth is, is that the highest peak??

(just trying to challenge myself)

Washed by the sun, dried by the rain

A group of about 40 people came to a religious sharing this week. Call them Christians or protestants.

This young man, about my own age, gave a lengthy but not-one-moment-dull sharing on all the trials and struggles he and his family went thru...for the sake of the gospel. Each time leaning on the Words from The Book as his lifeline, the passages on Paul and his sufferings (imprisonment, beatings, etc) being the inspiration.

In the end it was this bottom line he shared. That as a true believer, the question to ask oneself is not "If i were to take up the cross...." But, "What/which cross will I take?"

This cross could take the form of having more perseverance, loving difficult people, hardship, living more simply, change.

Passage shared:
One day when large groups of people were walking along with him, Jesus turned and told them, "Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple.…..33 Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be my disciple. 34"Salt is excellent. But if the salt goes flat, it's useless, good for nothing.
- Luke 14:25-27

laughter

Maybe it is a way people get rid of stress, nervousness, difficult situations. But i believe there has to be a reason laughter was even created. and even though i'm still very puzzled by many things that have happened since the beginning of time, like why on earth the devil was even created in the first place...(i think i have a vague answer by guessing,
The old "Freedom of choice"??), i do think that learning to take myself less seriously.....is good.

Haha. Do not get me wrong. I can be serious too. But for a limited period of time only.

If the situation is bad, the best thing u can do is just laugh at yourself. or tell someone about it and laugh it away as one of those "milestones in life". "Life's like that" "All in a day's work" or "Laughter is the best medicine", were my favourite sections of Reader's Digest in growing up years.

Don't know what to do about something? Have a little chuckle.

In such times.

Deut 14:2
¹ You are the children of the LORD your God. Do not cut yourselves or shave the front of your heads for the dead, ² for you are a people holy to the LORD your God. Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the LORD has chosen you to be his treasured possession.

Habbakuk 3
¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,

¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights. For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Phil 2:15
so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.

inspired by this video:

Here's Me, Lord.

Finally I have REACHED, this. So much for treating myself as a total grown up, being 26 already. there are SO MANY things to learn in life treating myself as adult. but its real good.

There is no way, Heavenly Father, Almighty, Omnipresent, Holy, Righteous, Omega, Alpha, that i am able to solve problems or mysteries with my own logic. Even people are.....ok, never mind.

updates

there aren't many updates except for the fact that i cant seem to remember the events that occur during this whole week. there were many, to say the least. it has been happening, good or bad i don't know and don't really bother bother for now.
job scope changes and additions, old friends' gatherings, birthday, shopping for gift, one public holiday where i met two groups of friends, trying to go jogging and walking, weird stuff, strange people, interesting weather, starving on weekdays and pigging out on weekends, cycling, difficult movie, ok......whoa my memory is jogging now. yup that was it........Dinner and dance! what a culture shock it was, to say the least. :p

tips to prevent a tsunami....

and again, my dear readers, i'm declaring and emphasising that i have absolutely no prior knowledge of the future. all i'm giving is probably, at most, the methods or ways people could avoid a tsunami.

wouldn't that be to turn back to the Almighty? Who would be The Creator Himself. He created planets, the things in the galaxy, and of course, us mortals and the other spirits hovering around that are either with Him (on the righteous side) or on the darker side.

posture of prayer might affect the seriousness of the prayer....but it would be quite useless if the mortal heart wasn't really moved. I would still think He would go for the main thing, which is the deep heartfelt earnestness of the heart.

rumors of earthquakes n tsunamis

those stuff again...i'm prob gonna write a very controversial blog? gee, then again most blogs are supposed to be this way, judging at the stuff i read nowadays on the media. anyone wanna beat me at being controversial? heh heh. i bet many have already.

Comparatively, blogs are even, well, safe compared to the newspapers even. Well, that's just my opinion...i'm human. Why do i feel this way? because people know blogs as "Opinionated" and subject to the individual's point of views and bias. so there is lowered expectations already, unlike newspapers, whom a lot of people take as Bible truth. Believe me, how would u know the people they interview are telling the whole truth? i think the best way to check if sth is true is to really check a variety of sources. google it. if several sites (say, 5 or 7 sites at least) claim the same news....it might be worth a think. and here, i'm talking about think, not even wholeheartedly believe. then again, the reader has the right to believe what he wants. Don't get me wrong. I really admire and look up to news reporters. some of them have really been the voice of truth and help to me, on a personal level, as friends too. It's just the envy bug that sneaks in occasionally. teehee.

7Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom.
There will be famines and earthquakes in various places.
8All these are the beginning of birth pains.
9"Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death,
and you will be hated by all nations because of me.
10At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray
and hate each other,
11and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people.
12Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will
grow cold,
13but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.
14And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world
as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.
(Matt 24 n Mark)

Making Mountains out of Molehills

Last week i learnt how not to make mountains out of molehills. yes, i got scolded for doing that, at work. well.....it was a case of feeling isolated in the corner of the office and facing a wall daily. someone added to my anguish-and-adapting period i had by "suaning" me about my plight quite often. then my helplessness came out as a strong rebuttal about my work to my superior. and er.....whoa.....never mind about what happened later. basically half the office knew my boss was in bad mood that week. week.

the next week he realised what had happened, that it wasn't such a big thing and told me "don't blow up a problem next time when its acutally so small!"

anyway, i totally agree that if u really want to bring out the best in any human, treat and expect the best from them. i am thankful for friends and people who expect the best of me.

It's soo funny how.....

I am so humbled again and again at how God brings me thru silly situations every single time i face a trial where I feel i'm helpless, as helpless as the korean word "B***** ****" (its supposed to be a bad word hehe). You can almost hear Him speak to you, indeed it is, during the darkest and most difficult or crazy times. It has happened to me.

In the course of last last week I witnssed how just a spark of blind faith (i was closing my eyes that time) could save my life. And I saw how God wants us to keep having the heart to do the right thing. In all circumstances. first hand encounter.

Also this week.....whoaa......what a "remarkable experience" of facing my giants.....nothing scary though. just a lot of patience and quite a bit of work. But He speaks a whole lot during trials trust me. He does.

striking the balance

sometimes its hard knowing what and where to strike a balance with justice and compassion, with impartiality and popularity, with judging oneself and trying not to judge others with the same standards we judge ourselves.

dense mind, rich food, change, perthing

every time i step into a new country or new group of people aka community, my mindsets and perceptions always change a little after interacting with them. most of the time i reailse there are so many things i don't or didn't know, new things to learn, new values to learn which are good and new ways of thinking and lifestyle etc....being at my cousin's wedding now, i've had the great chance of meeting not just her troupe but her groom's troupe. then i realised living overseas is so different from living back home...duhh. but yah. its really quite a happening place. but i would say that there are different sets of skills n qualities the individual can grow in in every place.

some of the stuff are: i wonder how its like being on the road for miles and miles of smooth driving every day or taking ages to reach the next neighbouhood on foot.
do people always have sleepovers or what westerners call "slumber parties" every week or 2 at friends' homes? are beef steaks and salad the norm for a meal? =P there are many more things i'd like to say but oh well.....heh. =P

thinking

i have nothing much to say on my blog these days. i never faced the problem of writer's block online.....because its not a test or exam....the only thing i face is, nothing to say....but a whole lot going on in my head.

I really am worried about my old campus (university) and the stuff going on there......loneliness in hostels, suicides, stress or anger issues, welfare of foreign students.....there's so much to pray for. so much to give, reach out to. sometimes people just need a smile or a hi or a helping hand. its the drop in the bucket (where everyone gives) that can tip the scales towards the positive. a person in depression can be saved and safe. i just wish there was something i could do.

the working world can be gross BUT....

I have to be so explicit to explain to juniors or minors or whatever younger people are called......that this is the truth. let me tell u, if anyone who has been working 6 months or more tell us their job and company has no corrupted people and every one is honest and kind and good, they are lying. arghhhhh!!! and even if they are good and nice to u, they may not be nice to others or honest. welcome to the real world.

THE question is: Do we stop loving or doing whats right, even when things/people are bad?

i'm still desperately trying to figure out my purpose no matter how small, here. every person lives to a max of limited years, even the bible says so. how can we make each year, each month count? if i look back in 2010 at my calendar for 2009, am i able to say, whoa it was a good year?

rain poetry

Raining poetry.

Hm....
maybe life isn't so paranoid after all.
Maybe things aren't so bad after all.
Maybe people AREn't that bad after all.
Maybe the storm outside is ok as long as there is peace within.
Maybe, maybe.

If pigs were made to fly,
And horses made to swim,
And fish made to run,
Or lions made to bleat,
Or donkeys made to talk,
Maybe, maybe.

(author: Kimberly Chan)

ichiban beach nature resort

being satisfied and contented in the new environment but i am craving or hoping to go to a BEACH RESORT. any time. for just a few days.

Lord, give me a chance to go to a nice and relaxed beach resort with blue skies and sea, dried-leaf attap roofs, birds, fsh, trees, cool sunrises and sunsets, sea smell. occasional breeze. nice friends around.

nothing much profound to say but i do not really miss my old job(s). thats about it. thats supposed to be good eh. but i am figuring out my new purpose in this new one. hoping to pick up new language(s). at least things are simple here.

As for readings, i'm hoping to read thru Ephesians. I really wonder where Ephesus was. or the church of ephusus. it must have been a beautiful place. well actually i've been to that place. heh. I wonder why the writer wrote what he wrote to the people there...how interesting. i love literature!

Oh and i had a great time laughing my head and heart out (about people) in the car today on the way to cell group....with a bunch of girls (oops! one of them who is our cell leader, is a guy). what a riot.

what i wanna say....

before i leave the co. i have tons of stuff in my head. i honestly honestly wanna stay longer from my heart. i have so much things to build on, to do, to say, to ask. but if there's another place that God (we all have to depend on Him of course) wants me or u to be, and there's a big need there.....come on......why stay in the comfortable place?
why? why? why?

and i admit this IS the place of comfort, of shelter, of luxury i mean come on!! if u call it....why on earth am i leaving this place to go to a dessert? a dessert with no cactuses even!! not a single plant.....like moses. but i constantly am reminded by (again, mentioning His name) God, that every single month counts wherever i am. Where is the greater need?

and i wanna tell the person in the office who always repeatedly asks the same questions, pause and hear your workers' hearts.

emails CAN be positive. people are still attempting to make connections, for whatever (good or bad) reasons. look at the big picture. also, win us over.

tired of being mentally tired

indeed....it's gotta be a lifestyle change from now on. i gotta sleep a bit earlier and wake up a bit earlier. no i am not in NIE. thank God. its not that early as their waking time. i'm sick and tired of my lack of sleep. my mood swings on fridays have been very fantastic too....because the lack of sleep accumulates on fridays. so. here's the change.

and no i'm not fierce, i'm not angry i'm not offended.
i need to find my niche in this world.

Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
my place in this world, my place in this world
Not a lot to live for
I need Your light to help me find my place in this world
my place in this world....

('Place in this world' . michael w smith)

one Praise...makes up for the monetary?

If anything can have better effect than monetary rewards, its PRAISE from your colleagues or superiors, even subordinates. Finallly, i hear the words "you're hardworking what" from the supervisors at lunch summore today.....boosts the self esteem eh. despite knowing the reason why they're saying that :

(which is to retain me....ahem....no...its to lessen the workload with the group now which gets truly chaotic, uncoordinated, disorganised, chaotic.....in the office....though not forgetting funny at times).

ahh well being young, i beg to differ to the notion "a rolling stone gathers no moss". even my senior colleague (Mr Frankie...a jovial retiree, 57) told us "This statement is not true! In fact, more jobs mean more experiences of different industries and cultures and people". That totally assured me. hahahaha. i mean, seriously.....even if for the first 3 years of a graduate's working life is about job-hopping, i as a HR hirer wouldn't mind at all. Because i would understand their mentality, which was 1) to adjust to the working world 2) to find out where they truly fit in (industry-wise). i am happy to say i'm really happy in my present job but i need the monetary thing for now.....i THINK.

i wouldn't really advice applying this mentality to dating of course.....but then again....ok maybe observing from a distance before Jumping into an exclusive relationship might be safer. but if God says or speaks clearly to both parties that's a different thing.

Feeling left out? Or worthless?

Trust me, if in this life, we haven't once faced self-doubt or felt insecure, we aren't human.
But why do these emotions exist?

Go deeper, ask ourselves heart questions like

Why do i feel this way? Keep asking why till you get to the root of the problem
Was it a past event that triggered the same negative emotions?
Why does the comment or situation it affect you?
Is the comment EVEN True? or half truths?

The root problem is:
Forgetting WHO we are - we are FIRST a child of God.
Then NEXT, will come our popularity or careers.

Our identities do not lie in the opinion of man (people, who are here today, gone tomorrow).
Our identities do not lie in our status. (careers, look at the current economic crisis)

We forget who we really are. We start believing we are who our critics say we are, or our friends, or our culture, or our feelings, or the devil.

A life that matters is anchored in the identity given us by the God who made us, who sent His Son to die for us. He died for you and for me, WHILE we were sinners. Imagine that! When He (God) was so holy and we were in our sin, He wanted to die for you and i.

He says, ‘I will be a Father to you and you will be My sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty” (2 Corinthians 6:16, 18). See, He’s the King of kings. If you belong to Him through Jesus, you are the son of the King, daughter of the King;

No matter how you feel, how you’ve been treated, what names you’ve been called or what others think about you. You are the temple He lives in, you are His royal son or daughter, you are His purchase of blood.

(adapted from Ron Hutchcraft ministries and from sermon at a church today)

a good dilemma....in the current economic situation.
thank you God.

Mood:
feeling temporarily down...but if i look to God, i will be able to lie above the circumstances. or am i?

amused

I'm really amused by the reasons people read my blog.
hahaha.
wow....there is a wide spectrum of readership but I still pray for discernment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazed too at God's hand upon situations.
Upon lives changed. Upon His hand on any, and ANY circumstance.
I could write paragraphs of how simple faith-filled prayers can
change a circumstance.
Things in the spiritual, no man can see with the human eye.
But when there is prayer....whoa.

Again, i've been inspired by a humble but potent book called "Hearing God's voice"
by the same writer who did "Experiencing God". The blackabys.
But again, where did the wisdom of man come from?

Was it not from The Creator himself?

Am so impressed by God's wonder and grace that i've got goals....
(to do with creativity, compassion and a business) but no plans. For Now.
hmm......

when you believe

saved....

(singing)
In this time of year...(or rather years)
When prayer so often proved in vain.
Hope seemed like the summer bird so swiftly flown away
Yet now i'm standing here
With heart so full i can't explain
Speaking faith and speaking words i'd never thought i'd say.......
Ohhh whoaa
There can be miracles
When u believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill.
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When u believe
Somehow u will
You will when u believe

(song adapted from prince of egypt movie)

i'm just glad this crisis has brought many closer to God in one way or another.

punishment

but sometimes if we just look closer or ask all the whys and what happened.....
we will go down to the deepest cause or history event that hurt the person.
sometimes its not even our own fault but because we remind the hurting person
of someone who hurt them in the past.

can u imagine, one day you did something wrong. really wrong. and every
one thought your good friend was the culprit and they beat him up very badly.
He lay in the hospital and bled to death....
All the while saying "It's ok, ******(whatever your name is), i forgive you."
getting punished for a wrong he did not do but because the wrong or the sin
looked like it was his fault? How would u have felt?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That's exactly what Jesus did for me and you (and the whole world) on the
cross. he took my punishment for all my sin. AND......he said,
"Father, forgive them. they know not what they do."

He didn't only forgive. He pleaded on our behalf for forgiveness.
All the pain and suffering for those hours....
Which would feel like months if u're in that physical state.

(inspired by the bible study discussion and sharing i had today)

inspiration

but how many people really have inspiration to blog everyday? besides every time i blog, i feel like i'm telling the whole world about a bit of my life. which is.....good and can be bad too. but seriously what does a life well lived mean to you? I feel, life is about telling. telling your story. (i mean a bit of it not 100%) by that, you could be helping, entertaining or taking someone away from their own worries/problems. (at least for a while).


i'm real happy today in a way because....haha, God knows i have my own personal dreams to fulfil. Isn't he wonderful? he knows that no way would we be totally satisfied in somebody else's dream. Like the case of a girl who did a law degree only to please her parents and then upon, graduation, telling her parents "this is for you." then proceeding to do her degree in Music. so, here i am.....still doing my bit......for the aim/goal/dream/ambition/target.

storms

every time a storm comes, the great weather after it comes next.
so it is with obedience.
the benefits of obedience are pretty cool.
like for one, if your prayers get answered,
you know for sure....its highly likely due to obedience.

this is kinda difficult to explain. like sometimes, you know.....
when your prayers get answered, it could be out of sheer coincidence
but u know you don't deserve it. you might even feel shocked.
however, when its really thru obedience and trust in Him....
when your prayers get answered....u actually think....
"hey i deserve it." and then after that you learn to
trust God even more.