there is a reason for fear

I realised or rather, I perceive and think or hypothesize that when fears come our way, God is trying to get us to work on something, a quality or something that we can learn from. Gulp.....That's so cool.....gulp.....right......?

life's mysteries

i wish life were straightforward and easy to read and understand. But that's just not how it is.....which makes it fun and yet scary and still very interesting at the same time....ahh ambiguity....

hmm, ergh.....That's precisely why, human beings need a God.

calling

Hm, think I am figuring out what my calling in life is, step by step.....

The word "Underprivileged" keeps coming back...does God speak through coincidences?

u still have to remain cheerful anyway

Hahaha............recently i thought of various scenarios that could happen in life and i thought: If anything happens - good or bad, I still have to or want to remain happy and cheerful anyway.......so why not choose to be happy? The situation(s) will still happen anyway, so why not choose your mood. :) :) :) :)

eckman and hawkins

Whole bunch of input the past few days which really makes up for the output in teaching.....

Paul Hawkins was an amazing tool used by God during the retreat in Malaysia over weekend to speak to us. He's gotta be one of the most down to earth, Asian-adapted foreign speaker who kept yakking sense with us during all the meals. And the best part was the value he added to sermons with tons and tons of verses. He talked about

• Value of a career, not just monetary value
• Spiritual sensitivity
• Intimacy with God (it's continuous)
• His personal life examples (about how God purposely shut doors so that he could be alone with Him to hear Him)
• His honesty in sharing his shortcomings and confessions and how confessing sin released him
• Hands-on ministry time (pray for others and hear from God about them)
• Male-female ratios in church (lol do we need more brothers, Lord?)

Eckman today, spoke on

• Fearing no mistakes/failure
• Who God intended you to be
• Having love joy peace in your mind and heart
• Being transparent before God to tell him anything that bugs us
• Learning from failures u learn more than learning from success

Hmm, I'm horrible at this getting-signals-from-a-guy thing. Hahahha. But this is quite fun.

Besides this, Life never will cease being an adventure, or more of an exploration....I'm already missing Sunway Lagoon time with God alone. It was the best part of the trip i would think. I missed it sooo much that even when God gave me back my friends (1 and half hours later), I only joined them for a while (! hour plus) then went back to swimming myself. The first part was scary, and I almost slipped into self pity mode but being reminded of Paul Hawkins' story (refer to above), I ended up telling God personal things which no one wants to hear unless they are very bored or have vested interest in me.

the most looked forward part of work

This is the recess of our work lives. The part we all crave and look forward to. This is the time

we also take honest stock at what was achieved and lacking in the past few months. For me,

it's scary but good to know what I am really doing and where I'm headed for. I think truth can

always be seen in two lights: The good and the bad. For every point in reality, there's a good

side and a bad. It's which we choose to focus on.

I chose to take an overseas break for a few days and come back home to this self-appraisal.

On the conscience side, effort-wise, with all honesty and knowledge, i have put in 90 percent

of my effort. Some weeks took a toll and i put in 110%, other weeks were easier and i put in 80%.

On the interest side, I have seen the harsher parts of a job that looks rosy the first 2 weeks.

Heavy multitasking is required, which is what women are good at anyway. Actually we're just

good at putting what's important first then balancing the rest on our fingers. Weightloss is inevitable,

running around a school for lessons, walking to and fro school, teaching.

The parts that I thought i would never grow to love, i grew to love. That is, the liking-to-teach-people

-who -hate-maths part. This was one of the somethings i learnt "the hard way". Certain kids respond

to the soft patient approach, and others (usually the very bright ones) need the push to do better in

class. The most fulfilling part was derived from making people who hate Maths start to like Maths at least a little.

Little by little, I know that the lord is just moulding our character more than giving us comfort, call it learning "the hard way" or whichever way He thinks best fits us. Our dear Father in Heaven knows the best paths in life for us and all we have to do is not just trust Him, but seek Him, His will and plans for us. this is one of the most wonderful mysteries of life.....

i have a problem

Being too honest. It's true, that I can't really lie.....or even if i did, i don't lie very well.

And that IS a major problem.....it's called being too straightforward. And oh, it's a problem because blah blah blah.....maybe if u asked me in person I would tell you the problem even! It's nothing serious, just most of the time I am the focus of topics and conversations simply because of this problem (being too honest).

Then again, every problem is an opportunity.....hmmm.....

the tired but rested locker

I wish all i needed to do was read the textbook to them everyday. Why do I have to give lesson plans, as though submitting proposals for a school event, think of materials and type of assignments to use that would generate the most interest, and not just that, all these, in the hope that people above me will see my motive of being stern or slightly harder rather than spoiling the child to his worser erm, er, .

But then again, they do have a point in that people learn from good examples rather than by force, learn longer term when their conscience pricks them (rather than by force),
people also learn better generally in nicer conditions, But is this way most efficient?

They could also learn the hard way, or realize things for themselves. Time consuming yes, but it seems like a longer term result.

All I can thank God for is that He knows our weakest moments, even when we cannot verbalise it or worse, when we are too weak to show it at all. He lightens our loads, and gives us rest.

Psalm 55:22

²² Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.

Matt 11
²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."