things u talk to God about

sometimes we humans make errors, even in our MOST honest prayers, even to Him, the Almighty. We tell him "okok i think its the most right thing for me to do now, focus on my job. focus on my family.....worry about this first etc."

then all these compartmentalization leads to what? endless stacks of things waiting for each other to be done first. hmm.....i guess every area of our lives are to be submitted to Him first. And then a listening of what He wants to say. About each individual area of our lives. Sometimes He wants every of these aspects of our lives to grow concurrently? Or some aspects to heal concurrently? What if that were the case?

i guess meeting up with people who have gone thru at least one full generation ahead of mine does help. =) Life , well.....is such a challenge and such a great big leap! never is each day the same

here am i

typing how i feel so please do not read if u do not want to eavesdrop

seriously speaking, through these 'trials' which are more like uncomfortable situations, i realise that they are all used to stretch or challenge me, as a person. the whole point is this: When are people uncomfortable? mostly in new situations, getting to know new cultures or people, being in a new environment, hearing something new, learning new rules. Notice the word "new"?

hmm. (i pause an reflect)

then i realise something. "new" is two way. as much as a person comes to a new environment bringing their own culture, the environment around is also trying to adapt to the new person's culture. so its what - a culture exchange?

nostalgia II

I had an extremely symbollic dream last night. and i am shocked that it was totally real and life-like and did not fade from memory during the dream (while dreaming i knew it was a dream) and even when i woke up every bit of it was fresh and real.

so there he was. (my real uncle) in the dream. talking to me about wanting to bring me to the other side of the river in this narrow boat. the river was black and choppy. i didn't know if i liked the boat nor the water. so i kept hesitating. then he started telling me about how he wanted to patch up with my aunt and he did go to her to tell her that. she just really smiled magnanimously (her usual way) and accepted him back, as in remarried him. after their years of divorce. but the strange part was i felt happy and at peace.. so that was a little cool. but i was shocked still.

then back to the scene of the boat on choppy and dirty water. i was like "no way its so scary, the water. i don't wanna use a narrow boat to get through this". and putting on my life jacket, my uncle said a little frustratedly, "ok then go your own way." AND I DID!!! i didn't care if it was offensive i just needed to get through that place without dying or something.

so i don't know how on earth i crossed to the other side safey and drily while he was turning open the dam in the river so the water gushed and pushed the boat to the other side. it was pretty fun and scary. but my uncle survived! whoa....i would never take that risk.

but there i ended up, in fmss. (my secondary school for only the whole of sec 1). i was in that school for a year in 1996 (in real life too). in the dream it was 1999, sec 4 for me. It was a new building. and different design etc. i spoke to some old teachers. i had no idea why but i just wanted to change back to leave my all-girls school (nygh) to go back to fmss (mixed school) from my girls' school. i told them "Hi Mrs X, I was here in sec 1. I want to come back for this final year. Can I?"

the HOD (some math teacher) called for the principal. she walked in. elegant, tanned, longer hair, Mrs T P.K. "Sorry, as this is the final year and O levels is soon, we cant let u change schools like that."

Then i was like so accepting of it, i don't know why. It just made sense. I looked at her, nodded and walked away, disappointed but accepting.
Then i woke.

God are you telling me something?

nowadays

reading an article from a leader recently in his church magazine, i was surprised he was accurate in decipting young people these days.....or should i say, a lot of people in this generation? some of the quotes were "people want the fun, without the strings attached." "people want the openness without the responsibility" hmmm.

books that matter

still in the bookstore job
i feel libertised...soon!
finally!
what else....i learnt that i like being friendly no matter what happens to me. hehe.
there's so much more to say that this but oh well........

i gotta admit: reading Dr Henry Cloud's books is one of the best therapy for a lot of people.
examples of them:
Boundaries
Boundaries in dating
Changes that heal
How people grow
The secret things of God
How to get a date worth keeping

Nostalgia (terribly)

i totally enjoy the quiet periods of life
not every low-lying period is bad
nor sad....
when circumstances are low
thats when you learn,
think and also grow
then u go

and then when u look back years from now
you can only thank Him
for having had it happen
it brings a strange nostalgia
bitter-sweet,
like the smell of after-rain

then u also remember
the people around
during the time
who were with you
bad or good,
simple or mysterious
ironic or straightforward
they were there for a purpose

and whatever feeling u held towards them
during that time
gradually neutralises into something fondly called
nostalgia

the cool rainy weather today together with the oldish music from upstairs (my neighbour) took me to this level of poetry. or was it the book of psalms yesterday? or was it that singer who sang gospel songs?