finally a blog entry

(written more for myself to read)
it was another outing with the aunties plus two other young ladies about my age. the whole time was spent all in one mall - the mall i grew up with my ntu exams in......jurong point. lolz. now it has extended a new wing .... voila! vwa la... like an angel sprouting new wings.... the whole boon lay area always never fails to bring that really bittersweet really nostalgic memories of my ntu life. i had too much fun there that's the only bad thing. academically, always remember, how little effort you put in kim. and the various focuses you had. friends, helping friends, social, activities, hostel, exercise, creating that sense of belonging in class and in school, hanging out, being comfortable was all it was about.

i should have sat down at the start of the whole uni life and really thought out my goals for 4 years. and praying, do well in them. that's one thing i can really learn about my uni days....to set my goals....but God knows i needed the time too to recover from A levels and 2 years of disordered living. but i didn't need 4 years did i?

ok so......there was this show on tv today that impressed me on its honesty and blatancy in bringing out society's needs.....for social welfare to the poor. the bible always reminds us of how we should take care of orphans, widows and the poor. and the weak. that's like giving to Jesus as well. a team of volunteers went to clean up this poor family's house - the couple had two mentally handicapped adult sons. and the team bought furniture for them. the family was in debt too. the show hosts sourced a job for the mother. i was encouraged but still hope other families in similar situations get the welfare they need.

compensates

the lovely thing about God is that He compensates to those who love Him. And for that I think we should all have a deep-set trust in His care for us. And be grateful for every thing.

i'm especially grateful for Friends - both guys and gals, who are encouraging. a friend divides the sorrow and doubles the joy.....etc etc etc.

for-give-ness (3 syllables)

right now i'm imagining myself sitting in a warm starbucks cafe at night and having a serious talk with some closer pals, the kind of friends you can just be totally yourself with, rant and rave and they still accept you, laugh with you or nod in sympathy with you and really can feel what you're going through (not just superficially).

it has occurred to me this month through various circumstances (mostly not so pleasant) that the key to healing emotionally and spiritually is NOT just hearing or knowing the comforting words of God.

It is...... For-giveness. Forgiveness is one subtle but potent, vital remedy to wounded hearts or souls and speeds our very own healing process - of emotions, spirit and soul.

Yes, our God is the Most-merciful. His promises are so assuring and comforting.

But is it enough to just hear and lean on those promises? I realised when I was 14, some circumstances in life really challenged me and yes i clung on to the promises of His love BUT there was something more, a step further, i had to do, that i could do, something i could do that was proactive yet not difficult.

In my inner spirit, i knew i could forgive those that had hurt me. No matter how angry i was. So i did. it was uncomfortable, it was difficult. It feels nice holding on to a grudge because a grudge feels like "haha i'm making them payback for what they did by staying angry".

then gradually as i forgave, i realised it was changing me. i don't know about others around but it was as though a burden was off me! i was happier! i could smile, i could look them in the eye, i could be friendly, i didn't have to waste time frowning/sulking, i didn't have to waste energy in saying something back "later" (revenge?), or praying to God for justice. how emotionally draining and ageing that can be. arghhhhh.......

yupz, and because i learnt how to forgive, my next few years in high school have been memorable till i graduated from there; even though it was unpleasant at the start.

what a good reminder it was thru a sharing at tues group.

updates again

as with every trip overseas, there will always be new news.......gee haha. i like the pun. be it in your own country or during the trip itself, there will be good and not so good stuff that occurred.

so what did i learn from my china trip? wow i promised myself i wouldn't go back there for a long long time after what happened last year where i thought i would be going for a one year stint there and it turned out all my plans went down the drain when i found out God had other plans for me which was to go back to the marketplace (of work) first. so well i guess i have definitely recovered from that. it was just a shocker that time. not too much of a hurt.

so this time i forgot what happened and there i was back in my ancestors' (at least 3 generations up) hometown. not the exact place but well same country. and this time haha it was WITH my parents and their team believe it or not. i know, no one would believe i actually would have gone with my parents. but yup the trip happened. and it was pretty ok too. i guess i got to know my parents better in a different way. like seeing them in action (teaching, haha) and getting to know their friends and how they interacted with their friends. And of course they got to know me better as i expressed myself a lot more as well.

needless to say, i enjoyed talking more with their friends (age ranging from 11 to 56 yrs old). haha one whole family with two teenaged boys came. my roommate was fun to chat with, and joke with. the rest just opened up about their views on work politics, bgr, churches, and their own lives.

it was really fun and the best part? No accents!! no offence to other with accents but look i have my own unique accent which is the singlish accent that people everywhere have trouble adapting to. lolz. ok most other countries except our neighbours.

Its amazing that when you meet in person the country that you always hear about or read about only, you realise how different it is from what u hear about. going with an open mind despite what you hear (the negative) really makes you experience China culture in all it's beauty. the people's attitudes and hearts are so underestimated here. Man, have most of them got enthusiasm and more "Stranger friendliness" (open to talk to strangers) and asian warmth than we have as a Chinese race put together. The food is so good too, nonwithstanding the toilets of course....