penny for my thots part 2

double love

2012-02-19T00:54:00.002+08:00

Yes not one love but double the love this week.
Or rather, this day.

Two of my good male buddies whom i am quite good friends with since university days got married - yes on the same day. And no, not to each other. But to TWO DIFFERENT girls.

Hahaha. These two ladies are not in our usual circle of friends but these two couples found each other....through two different ways. (One thru SDU's organised overseas tour, one through Bible school) Which got me pondering on the HOWs i should or should not meet someone. Is that really important? I wonder. I guess somehow it still is.

And alas. this week i worked only one day in my part time job so i had a bit more time to recuperate or catch up on sleep etc. Sometimes i keep asking my heart if my motives are really pure and so good after all. The heart can be deceitful in certain circumstances or at your weak points.

Other than Vday this week, 2 weddings on the same day today and my encounter with two slightly interesting people (but not really), this week was stably steady. As for job its not too bad. Oh yah regret eating too much as the 8 course dinner was soo good. Next time, hold your weddings at Peony Garden at Keppel Club. Spacious club as its slightly older....quality food.

And oh about my love life. I will seek impartial people who are non discouraging to get advice. Not that i want them to agree with me. but at least they should be more kind and loving.

honestly......

2012-02-14T14:04:00.002+08:00

Date-less for the day...
But will wait for the person God sends

not complicated this time round

2012-02-07T11:59:00.011+08:00

Glad i used my brain instead of my heart this time.
Always use your brain to handle the heart....it really helps.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Proverbs 4:22-24 (in Context) Proverbs 4 (Whole Chapter)

Guarding your heart includes doing things that will not confuse yourself.

i met a friend who had been undergoing chemotherapy for the past few months. since september. she was very upset and frustrated about peoplea around not seeming to care.

And i was telling her, complaining changes nothing in fact it makes yourself feel worse. trust me. or try it yourself. The best method and way and solution is really simply to......

Ask for change in situations and people through God by prayer.

Genesis 25:21
Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.
Genesis 25:20-22

1 Chronicles 5:20
They were helped in fighting them, and God delivered the Hagrites and all their allies into their hands, because they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him.

Job 42:9
So Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite did what the LORD told them; and the LORD accepted Job’s prayer.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

Thats the big difference between love and euphoria, love and infatuation, love and passion....the list goes on...

the week's fatigue

2012-02-03T09:35:00.002+08:00

the only main thing i struggled with this week, thankfully was physical tiredness. and mental tiredness on wed cos of lack of sleep night before and the intense preparation of monthly reports at work. the other things weren't so bad.

the calling

2012-01-31T09:13:00.006+08:00

if this is a place you only go to when others are also going then its not your calling.
if this is a thing you only do when others also do so you feel pressured to do it its not your calling.
if this is a deep conviction of your own where people tried to dissuade you but it didnt change your mind.......then IT IS your calling...

On to talking about food.....the latest each-a-cup blend aint as nice as the original one eh? i don't know what they added to it. lol.....:( i have been trying also "agantea" (which is pronounced as ah-gan-tea) and some strange brand near my area. but they have rose pearls and the quality is pretty good.

the only reason i'm writing so much is cos today was uneventful compared to sunday! i was thinking of the idea of "no plans" at all (as if that will work in life). having dinner w karlo and shan again...karlo was talking about how spontaneous is always much better than planned things. i think humans often plans so much there is not much room left for God or others to shape our course in life.....

i think that sunday evening was a little crazy.....running around that place like a kid. i felt totally small. and this was among man-made equipment. then it got me remembering again how much bigger the natural things were. the mountains in taiwan were huge and in huge stretches. was it mountain chains i learnt in geography years ago? yea and when you're driving up a mountain, it feels like that mountain is already so huge. you cant even think of walking to the next mountain. (well u can but it would take a long time). so what more about the greatness of the Being who made all these.

the rest i need for the week

2012-01-29T21:56:00.003+08:00

Oh well...at least people still are reading....my blog. but sometimes you just think, if they wanted to read they should also come and talk to you directly, that would be so nice too.

Now i totally understand george clooney's stance in life.
It is so troublesome and annoying and roller coaster and and and...seriously? don't i have better things to do than to worry about someone like 80% of the time. i really don't want that in my life. if you don't believe me watch "the descendants" movie.

Ok on to my argument. there are both sides. if you expect the worst, sometimes you could be happier. if you expect the worst, it also could happen...so....it keeps you prepared? i had a nightmare on wed night but it was spiritual. and i feel i need to pray for this particular person but not in a bad way. my prayers are always for good trust me. but also no ulterior motives. after what happened this whole week? oh man.....what a roller coaster ride...so no way.

things in life

2012-01-26T00:08:00.002+08:00

I have two schools of thought that constantly make me wonder.

First is, to have absolute or high confidence in almost everything i choose to do and set my mind to. Because if there's no belief and confidence in my own mind and heart, how can it come to fruition?

The next is this: to have absolutely low/no confidence in everything so that when something good happens you will be happier.

Which would you choose??

I would rather take the first stance than the second because
1) the bible is FULL of hope in words from God/promises
2) man and mankind cannot live without hope
3) why make yourself miserable when one door closed means other greater opportunities? its up to you to see it.

spiritual food. yum

2012-01-20T09:17:00.006+08:00

I like my work...lolz.
Finally eh.
Yea both part time and full time ones.
So this is good.
But the problem? Dealing with people changing their moods.

But i love God's word even better.

“[Testing of Your Faith] Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” James 1:2-3 ESV

21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Romans 1:21

Judges 6:10
And I said to you, ‘I am the LORD your God; you shall not fear the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell.’ But you have not obeyed my voice.”

Genesis 22:12
He said, “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.”

Ecclesiastes 3:14
I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him.

Hebrews 10:31
It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Revelation 19:5
And from the throne came a voice saying, “Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, small and great.”

the game again

2012-01-18T12:27:00.003+08:00

I cannot stand guys who want to pursue a girl but are rude when they are chasing her.....so what does he want? ;?

"do you not like this kind of guys because they are not attracted to you?"
"No. its because i don't even like them so i don't even bother if they like me or not."

As for life, other aspects....
I really am checking my motives on things in life.

out of comfort zone! yay!

2012-01-11T16:10:00.005+08:00

Out of my distress I called on the LORD; the LORD answered me and set me free. The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” Psalm 118:5-6 ESV

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isa 41:10

“for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:26-28 ESV

13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”—

twenty years from now, I'll regret what i didnt do rather than what i did. - Mark twain

George Verwer's first contact with Christianity was through his neighbor, Dorothea Clapp, who gave him the Gospel of John and also put him on her "Holy Ghost hit list". Amazing! If everyone had a Holy Ghost hit list....many more would be impacted with the truth or love of Christ...

too much?

2012-01-10T19:24:00.002+08:00

wow....sometimes i wonder if i lack praying or i prayed too much....

unexpected great

2012-01-05T22:52:00.001+08:00

The girl whom i thought didnt like me on the trip...actually organised a meet up and i was included...this is what i call...when God opens the door, no one can shut it. :) Prayers FOR people especially those who are extremely difficult can go right to the person's heart. God does intervene. AMEN!

love the unexpected

2012-01-03T23:23:00.001+08:00

The place of Breakthroughs AND unexpected ONES.
The Lord seemed to be telling me over and over again through various situations and "feelings" i got not just this journey but throughout the year

"Look I see you differently from how you see yourself.
SEE and EXPERIENCE what I AM doing in YOUR LIFE ESPECIALLY this year.
Am I human? Or am I GOD?"

sabbath

2012-01-01T21:50:00.003+08:00

Like Jesus did....we're "supposed" to rest on sundays but whoa.....was mine packed and tiring.
met three groups of people today. one christian group (another group of church friends from IBC...) and some new and old friends at vivo and lastly....evening service at orchard road....what a nice formal way to end the day with hymns and nice architecture.
I was surprised when i was greeted with a friendly greeting (duh) at the evening service. heh....and prob made friends w 2 gal pals over the weekend friendly enough to be travel kaki (probably to rome...lol)

therapeutic blogging

2011-12-27T21:01:00.002+08:00

GOD: Thank you for the beautiful world of blogging and journalling that makes us a lot happier.
At eslite bookstore now the 24 hour bookstore that never sleeps in taiwan.
Finally the official work is done and we can be totally at EASE and for me, time for me and myself and i.
I have never treasured time FOR myself so much before. i would admit i tried hard leaving out the SELF during the trip and it was soo tough mainly cos i was doing it on my own efforts and AGAIN, forgetting to leave it all to Him who strengthens....how could i forget??

adapting to a mixed group

2011-12-20T18:42:00.004+08:00

Suddenly i realized i was struggling. Not bcos of anything anyone did wrong....but cos i didnt prepare enough for this...
There are tons to learn about myself and learn about others or from others.
so...that's the good part....you keep learning a and gaining experience.
The good part is there is more good than bad to learn here... :)

you are not alone in your struggles

2011-12-13T12:37:00.000+08:00

“but when the fulness of the time came, God sent forth his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, that he might redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons.” Galatians 4:4-5 ASV

God hears and He sees, and you are not alone in your struggles. Remain firm and stable for God has your deliverance planned. –Joyce Meyer Ministries

spiritual

2011-12-13T12:35:00.000+08:00

Do not get me wrong Miss (one of my advisors)...i told her today but doubt she listened....it is NOT the infatuation of the guys in that place!
it is not even for my own sake nor anything to do with me or myself.
it is selfless.
yes sophia was right......it is spiritual.
and the reason why is way too tough to explain here....not good to explain here.
and i would and could go on praying for this place not in the hope of any return.....not at ALL. serious.
have you ever adopted a country or a people group or a stubborn group of people and prayed a lot for it without any part of self in it? try....
Sow in prayer, deeds, perseverance, love (agape)....
for IT'S Good and IT'S sake, not your own.

"i ran singapore"

2011-12-05T21:51:00.004+08:00

Can u believe THAT was the logo or caption which i only noticed after i actually finished the whole 42km?? yes note the jaw-drop tone i have adopted with "i actually finished...."
I felt i was in another country actually. bcos i didnt have a wink of sleep at ALL the night before. and i was told that some people running half marathon slept by 7pm the evening before.
So that led to the panic button....and thus no sleep.
I ended up "running for a cause" just like the theme of this year's Std Chartered run... which was to stuff myself with a huge carbo intake of maggi mee....2 packets worth and a fried egg. and Teh bing. The cause was thus to shed the fresh load of fats. The reason was "to burn"....
And burn i did indeed. The sun was scorching!! The only reason why i had to run the first 22km was cos the sun was gonna come up fully by 9am and i prob wouldn't be able to be fast any more.
So i broke my own resolution of walking the first 25km....hahaha.
let's go in tens of km.
1 - 10km: Cool Orchard road christmas lights....excited NS boys talking about who to run with and how fast they should go. middle aged men commenting they were just gonna walk the whole way. ppl plugged into ipods. Deejay rah-rahing....loud music. talked to a girl who offered her rubber band to me. non singaporean girl. passed by groups of samba masala drummers (should be from SMU). very inspiring beats that make u wanna jog more. passed by outram park, ayah...my work place area....sheesh....more music.
11-20km: esplanade to kallang....ooh didn't know how kallang connects to east coast...lol. now i know. singing some church songs in my head....start thinking of the toilet and how bad i need the toilet. east coast, nice scenery....and fresh dew smell. Some guys talk so loudly while running, "i don't like to be pressured by other runners.I want to go at my own speed." Good point. But the girls were more silent.

21-30km: People start dropping by the side of the track and tending to aching muscles or cramps. mostly guys. After 25km i was like......wondering why i wasn't dead yet....no sleep....
31-32: Met a 19 yr old to chat with for 1km
32-33: Thank God for benches to rest
33-35: Marina barrage in its actual form....looks like a dam....some construction work going on. Met a 24 yr old to walk with for 2 km, learnt that the most important thing in the run was to know u completed it wholly and on your own...and not about hitting the cutoff timing....like who in the first place is supposed to set ANY cutoff timing for people's own running?? what 8 hours rubbish! it wasn't true at all.
35-37: I give up! I have blisters....sunburn and i am wondering why i am not dead yet from exhaustion and no sleep. i tell the medics exactly that. and i stop under the MBS (in FRONT of MBS) and sleep for 35 min....I am not losing my life for a teeshirt!! and for a marathon!
38-42: Woke up and realised i was looking at a few runnners (who were actually the last batch of runners thats why there was a few of them only)...decided to just walk the rest of the way....met a girl twice my size and stopped to ask if she needed help. she was chatty and we were like "let's walk together!" so we did that and i realised it was UPGHILL.....the highway. i freaked out again....and the only thing i could do was....pray and.....God gave me an interesting solution....and finally....after much sunburn and hobbling like a creature from the sea....and small talk with a few strangers....
TADA!!!!

to pursue or not

2011-11-26T13:36:00.002+08:00

Tsk tsk....this week was quite terrible. more like dealing with difficult people......sheesh. I hope my efforts was worth it....though....i was more heavily reliant on what i could do....what is within my reach and not so much praying. but so many things are learnt just handling your own SELF (thoughts, desires, temper, irritations, frustrations, fears, set backs)

To pursue this wild dream or not....if i do it, others might be more inspired to pursue theirs. if i don't, i live a normal but calm life...chuckle seriously.

the game

2011-11-09T12:05:00.004+08:00

The LOVE of money is the root of all evil, that's what the bible says and it's true to at least quite a large extent. i notice people get all bitchy, jealous and catty over who earns more or if you friend earns $500 more than you or more, you start expecting them to pay for drinks or a meal at least. or you (maybe me) starts wondering why they seem so lazy but get paid well. its the whole stupid game of "Who-earns-more?" or simply competing and using money or some other thing as a yardstick with which to measure our worth or our value or our what? Who even brings money along with them when they leave the earth? Our bank accounts become but worm-food.

If it's not money, its probably popularity, looks, social class, fame, influence, number of kids, who i know, position etc etc.

it never ends.

why not compete on who is more contented.........who is more satisfied with what God has given them.....compete on who can maximise what little assets they have most.....or compete on who wholly seeks God and His purposes most.......the latter would be most tough to reach and fathom, as spiritual things are not seen with the naked eye. then again, it is of greatest worth.

Deeply inspired...

2011-10-28T11:25:00.002+08:00

Exercise totally energised me back into normality - Mon and Wed night. Mon i was suddenly inspired to jump out of my laziness. and...clocked 7km.....oh well i need 6 times of that for december sigh!!!
Wed, in remembrance of my upcoming challenge in december, and as a consequence of eating too much deep fried food past two days (fats galore), i walked from queenstown mrt all the way to clementi mrt....4 stops. i thought it would take 50min at max but it was a whopping....1.20am till 2.40am!! 1 hour 20 min.....so much for 42km in dec...just gonna brisk walk the first 20-30km......lol.
But the strange thing was things really got into place this week......like the whole God's promises and God's protection comes upon those who keep rebellion away and those who rebel will not be protected. How true!
I just hope we'll all be ready.......

licentious living and legalism r forms of rebellion

2011-10-18T14:26:00.005+08:00

what a fine line to draw.

"That no one is justified by the law in the sight of God is evident for "the just shall live by faith". yet the law is not of faith but the man who does them shall live by them" Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law having become a curse for us (for it was written cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree). Gal 3:11

Legalism in itself has a great hold on the human mind: it appeals to our human pride, that's why people enjoy it. People like legalism because it gives them something to boast about. If we think we can ever offer to God something acceptable out of our old fallen nature, we are telling God that Jesus did not need to die.

If righteousness can come through law, then Christ died to no effect (Gal 2:21). Paul in the bible said this about miracles: Do they come by observing the law or do they come by hearing of faith?" Gal 3:5

How can we trust in man and make flesh our strength?? surely our hearts would depart from the Lord then if we RELIED heavily on our own strength.

3 aspects of what Jesus accomplished on the cross. 1) He abolished law as a means of achieving righteousness with God ONCE and for ALL. Rom 10:1
2) Rom 6:6
3) Gal 5:24

Adapted from "Called to conquer", Derek Prince

2011-10-17T12:57:00.001+08:00

knowledge of TOTAL truth empowers
Half truths
Half lies
Biased truth
Twisted truth
Partial truth

disempowers

exciting discoveries

2011-10-16T22:43:00.004+08:00

I am fully convinced the stupid overdose of dental mouthwash (burning and pain) was cured the instant after the testimony was made or during the testimony at church. BECAUSE....the pain SUDDENLY disappared!!! it wasnt even a slow fadeaway or lingering...totally just gone. instant. hey presto!

10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

“Now have come the salvation and the power
and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Messiah.
For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
11 They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

Revelations 12

saved by delays....

2011-10-13T14:22:00.004+08:00

BALI, Indonesia (AP) — A powerful earthquake struck off Indonesia's popular resort island of Bali on Thursday, sending people fleeing from their homes and hotels in panic. No tsunami alert was issued, and there were no immediate reports of injuries.

Some roofs collapsed, and witnesses told local radio and television stations they saw cracks in the walls of buildings.

The U.S. Geological Survey said the quake had a preliminary magnitude of 6.0 was centered 60 miles (100 kilometers) southwest of the island. It struck 36 miles (60 kilometers) beneath the ocean floor.

When God gives you a delay or cancellation.......know that it's for your good!

happening....

2011-10-11T14:19:00.002+08:00

Or not really. There's so much work to be done........literally and figuratively and in all aspects of a calling that means something of great value.
I wish people would really see meaning and fulfilment in all the work they do. ALL.
I can't believe i waited till this week to fix my tooth. filling. apparently it was the cause of my recent illness (flu). shall not go into gross details...i can't believe it either. :) to laugh or to scream.
So i'm really glad now and it's becos i took out the ROOT PROBLEM which was my tooth problem which was affecting my health and mood. i can't believe it.
Now it just makes sense, the bible. how every single part of our body works together and we cant function when one part hurts. the problem is getting others to be of the same mindset or make them find out themselves that God is relational and not just a set of rules and not someone we can't talk to. ;)

relaxed or exciting life?

2011-10-10T14:27:00.002+08:00

Proverbs 19:20-21
Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.

i am soo gonna write it. soon.

why am i so rational?

2011-10-08T11:10:00.001+08:00

open or private life?

2011-10-07T11:01:00.002+08:00

Looking at Steve Jobs life, he was an icon for sure but there were so many other important facts about him that NO ONE KNEW! Like, his famous sister, and the most important of all was this: his HEALTH condition. It was so BAD but he was concealing it all the time. I mean maybe he didn't want people to worry about him but still...if you gotta get help you just got to....no point hiding, or is there (a point to)?? was it worth it after all? Who knows.......only Steve himself would know if his mission was accomplished. Thus i still debate on if one should live an open or secret life....if secret, why for, since we are all going to pass on some day?

One thing i noticed about God is he is really fair. (Sep 2011).

Work has been getting a bit more stressed but that's where i find friendships and time with loved ones more meaningful and less taken for granted because you really treasure each event or outing with them. it's "out of work" so you do treasure the time a lot more than if you always had time on your hands while at work. You also know that when you work a bit more you learn more.

I keep asking myself what on earth am i doing...such restlessness almost every week, wanting to run everywhere. literally. everywhere. Is it lack of contentment or am i just not meant to be here right now (Singapore). or am i just really crazy now with my freedom or....what is it? Do i really need to stay still and reflect every day? When will i reach that point of being still WANTING to relax and reflect every day? When????

un-emotionally charged

2011-10-03T10:48:00.003+08:00

This week or near the end of the week is what i call, a less emotional but really awesome weekend because I guess.....i finally met up with my parents for dinner (both of them) without my brother. so that equates to more talking time. and....attention.

Another lesson in love is this: never go into a relationship or serious dating just to get attention (from the other person) or to manipulate or to have "someone". defeats the purpose. unless of course cases of bo-bian (no choice) matchmaking where the girls had to marry in times of crisis (world war two).

So here am i still tarrying down the street not literally, lol, to help put things right in a lot of interesting places. light in the dark could have double or triple meaning. and if that's your life purpose, why not pursue it with all i've got?

i guess when we have a hope of what's to come and the goals are not temporal and only 99-year freehold (aka property and houses on earth) we have a different hope which is for the million years together with the lover of our souls and His creation (up there is way better than down here!)

insights

2011-09-30T09:27:00.004+08:00

This month is movie month and there are three HOT SHOWS i wanna catch....
1) Colombiano (heard so much about the girls in this country!)
2) 1911 (Chinese roots)
3) Abduction

I really gotta make time to fix my citizenship documents in this country first......lol.

One more new insight on love:

It is and yet is not a game. It is challenging, makes you think, it could stir up competition (even though NEVER intended), it could stir envy or jealousy (in others, though again not intended), it makes you alive (keeps you going), it makes your heart beat again, it brings you to greater potential....so conclusion is: people should EITHER Seek for love (if it's within your personality to be proactive)....or if you are busy, couldn't be bothered, or shy, let God bring someone to you......and wait trustfully while building up your work (Career) and hobbies and Calling.

follow your heart with the bible

2011-09-28T16:04:00.000+08:00

you make me happy

2011-09-28T11:43:00.001+08:00

different motives don't mix

2011-09-27T15:19:00.000+08:00

confirmed it was God....

2011-09-10T12:21:00.004+08:00

who nipped this rship in the bud.
Bcos he just answered one simple prayer (nothing to do with rships at all) yesterday....for me.
So if He could answer such a simple request (but important to me)....it can't be i am doing sth wrong....so it means the other person is wrong....so God had to stop the rship....
maybe its all...all due to my childhood intrigue of this:

cave of the golden rose (kim rossi stuart)

enjoying....life

2011-09-09T12:43:00.003+08:00

Faith is the evidence of what we don't see.
So......let's just enjoy whatever God puts in our lives today....
Before the day passes.

Enjoy every season you have too!
Don't be afraid of letting Him put circumstances in your life...
:)

If a place or people group is discouraging. God put it there for you to grow your muscles and whatever qualities in character He wants your to grow.

how many times must i tell you i am the "marry first then do" kind?

2011-09-08T16:08:00.004+08:00

gals...if a guy asks you for "that" tell him "marry me first" and make sure he does that first. the jerks will immediately disappear.
lol....or disappear after a while....

why on earth am i here for?

2011-09-06T17:14:00.002+08:00

28 A person is not a Jew who is one only outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. 29 No, a person is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a person’s praise is not from other people, but from God.
Romans 2

2011-08-22T13:50:00.010+08:00

Led by the bible or led by God or both?

I had a horrible but bittersweet weekend. It was annoying yet such a good learning time - Spending time with Him. All because of circumstances. *hands clasped heavenward* And i realised the hearts of the girly bunch. they r really nice in times of crisis. (what a pun!) i dare say now i trust them and oh yah, accept them too.

O that You (O Lord) would be sovereign in my life and reign over circumstances or non-circumstances, people, places, ideas, methods, ways, history, future, present. Reign over what we do and all our goals.

time

2011-08-16T11:27:00.003+08:00

The most amazing thing i learnt about waiting and time is that it really sifts out our motives. It surfaces our motives for us (and maybe others) to blatantly see.

And I agree with what I read from a Christian book that it is good to sit back and wait sometimes, for what we have been praying for. because at the same time this whole waiting really SURFACES OUT our MOTIVES!

It may not even be what we requested for! It may be something we wanted due to another reason or something we wanted to run away from, or something we should not want even.....how cool is that the fact that TIME ITSELF is a good surfacer of our motives and how God uses it to help us reflect - on our hearts.

And if and only if we choose to follow Christ wholeheartedly, He has promised hundredfold reward WHILE we are on earth as well as in heaven.

"Peter began to say to Him, "See we have left all and followed You." So Jesus answered and said, "Assuredly I say to You, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands for My sake and the gospel's who shall not receive a hundredfold now IN THIS TIME (On earth) -- houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands with persecutions -- and in the age to come, eternal life." Mark 10:28-30

So the drawback is probably, just some persecutions....

tough is good

2011-08-05T11:31:00.005+08:00

I didn't know being "a light" in a dark place would be so difficult. but its worth it. Also you learn more toughening it out rather than having everything all easy for you, don't you think? Also life on earth is short. why enjoy so much here when you have the whole of eternity (heaven) to really enjoy?

That's why its so important to really think about our eternities.
It's important where you spend it - life is about choices. I seriously do not believe God would create human beings if He did not intend to give us freewill and choices.

He might as well have made dummies or robots if predestination was what he had in mind.

Hell is real. It is a dark place literally and figuratively. the saddest part of hell? Being eternally cut off from God and God's presence and probably spending it with the devil, who lies about being "good" to us while all of us are still on earth. And when people die, they realise all his words were fake and untrue. All the false hope and promises of glory, riches, health?, comfort, pleasure...were....lies. Is hell a lake of fire? Maybe...or it could be pitch black total darkness and cold and no one to talk to or share joy with. Life is too short to believe those lies.....of the devil.

betrayal

2011-08-03T12:54:00.004+08:00

No, i don't write because i am recently betrayed. but looking back on the past...(i know this sounds like a melancholic post) but have we not looked at someone in the eye and realised that they are betraying us. in the face!! but truth is, that is how we feel.
On the other person's point of view, they might be going through a new phase in life, or experiencing transition, basically, a total distraction or somewhere that needs more of their attention.
The worst form of betrayal is that of friendship, believe me. Ok that's for me. I have never really fallen in love to that point of feeling betrayed.So in a way i am protected. lol. So let's see,friendships - guy or gal, regardless of gender they have equal potential to hurt a person.
So I will have to assess and differentiate who are the people that have issues personally, who are those trying to get others down on purpose, and who are those who really need an apology from me.
you are not alone. people, even great people in the bible have endured tons of betrayal. Jesus's best buddy denied him three times before a crowd of people. Imagine the feeling...ergh.
Well think about it this way, after you have been betrayed you truly know the person's true colours and why would you carry on holding on to this friendship, unless you are Jesus? or unless He really give you His agape unconditional love to forgive the person, but then again, that doesn't mean going back to the same level of friendship, or does it? i really don't know...
the reason why i would never take revenge or give the person back what he did (i almost always don't do that) is because you truly truly don't know what they (he or she) is going through at that point in time. if they were facing traumas, trials, or simply very distracted, or serious issues, how would we really know? only God knows what they are facing and it would be mean to play God here. especially if they were really facing something difficult. besides mercy and forgiveness will ultimately come back to you, if you give it to others. :)

how to explain this?

2011-08-02T16:21:00.001+08:00

The God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. (Daniel 3:17-18)

2011-07-27T16:13:00.003+08:00

hahaha thats what i reeally can say when life becomes a comeedy rather than a tragedy. oh well...its how you choose to see it.
so.....when things get too easy i complain and feel redundant. however when its too difficult i cry and complain....lolz.
arrghhhh......i hate lousy keyboards on pcs.
which explains typing errors u see here. i learnt one thing. innocent people should not pay for what they did not do. innocent people should not pay for the mistakes of others. a few good people in a group doesnt mean everyone is good. a few bad people doesn't mean everyone in the group is bad...wow

focussed work

2011-07-13T14:58:00.003+08:00

Argh......from having a very broad range of tasks and things to handle, now i'm zooming in to a very narrow scope which makes me feel extremely FOCUSSED but this was not my goal...nor my objective....sheesh...i was just here to help. they need help here....thats why i left.
Ok well......we'll see how this leads me and where I would go next etc....

i have never had such a narrow job scope in my whole entire life....oh man.....nevertheless......i will still have my social life (or at least i hope)....

But Thank You God for everything thus far. its not been perfect but its been great somehow.....not horrendous.

Let's see how to better handle this:
1) recall and remind myself how my best math teachers taught our classes (aha...now u know what i'm doing)
2) plan NEAT lesson plans 1 week ahead or at least 2 days before lessons.
3) Do step by step descriptions for each math concept?
4) Be flexible to crack jokes n tell stories to lessen boredom of the class

Ok that feels better......4 step survival guide....

what would i fight for?

2011-06-30T16:54:00.003+08:00

For love....
Lol...
and for this:

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting throught the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will grow
And when it's time, you'll know
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine

Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on slet your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Katy Perry Firework lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/katy-perry-firework-lyrics.html

pied piper

2011-06-28T11:04:00.004+08:00

finally a space to write. a lot of this time reminds me of the story of the pied piper when i was little. and i don't think this is a youth thing, it's a grown ups as well thing.
:( so, what do we do?

Can man live without God? Why?
If there is no God, what standards of conduct do we live by?

Whatever i am saying may be true or may not be true.....it is up to you to decide.

the irony of it all

2011-06-07T13:43:00.004+08:00

Hearing from a diverse point of view sometimes.
I met H.M. last evening for dinner. And at least, there was a different point of view she came up with. A different way of looking at things. Which really helps cos everyone has their own mindset about everything. Why can't people trust that people have something called guilty conscience so no one will do something if they know it will cause hurt to others. Sometimes the best way for others to really learn is through guilt, trust me.

remember, its all about TRUST. Who do we trust? Who do you trust? Why do you trust Him? Why do we trust Him? Why do we trust him? Why do you trust her? Why would anyone trust a PERSON?

I'm still like jabez, asking for of course, the right motives, and the right niche(?) or reach (oooh it rhymes!!)
...in this life. Maybe the reach and the niche will change but not the good intentions and actions.

i think for me, i would need a relationship with God, not just...doing the right things all the time to please Him. I would need to talk to Him and persistently put my requests all there, speak up on my problems, irritations, etc.

2011-05-31T15:44:00.003+08:00

Argh.........i hate being misinterpreted. in any way. ok never mind. sheesh.
Ok the main part of my conflict has been settled with my girl pal.usual girly squabbles. intense girly squabbles. Sometimes these squabbles make you go totally nuts!
its good if the girl pal is open to really talk is out openly and honestly not holding it back so......here i am with a smile on my face. the bible says that if you settle a dispute before you go to court but thankfully this was not as serious as any court case and no, it wasn't any bitchy catfight. and no, it wasn't over a guy.
So now I am smiling cos we know each other better and not just superficially for birthdays and group gatherings and for overseas trip prayers. which is great cos you've "won a sister over", like what we're called to do. can we turn disputes into a winning a sis/bro over session?

sleep recovers....

2011-05-26T22:01:00.001+08:00

should we sacrifice?

2011-05-23T19:09:00.004+08:00

Ergh....I am frustrated that I got myself sick. Yes for real, and for once this is the absolute truth that I got myself sick with infected throat and it's my fault.

You know sometimes I keep reminding myself what I was taught early adulthood about "Obedience is better than sacrifice" and how we should learn from various examples in the bible like David and Abraham, not that they only obeyed and didn't sacrifice but they always put obedience before all else. Obedience not to anyone but to authority over you. Obedience to people who care for your well being.

So here I am taking my own sweet time to write this blog now, at work because my social life is over for the day. Because i was "told" to go home right after work. Yes by my church group leader. And this actually makes sense because I totally do not even feel like going to any part of town at this moment. Mondays, i realise, is one good time to rest, "chill", and pore over or pour over (Which is the correct spelling) the Word. Not cos I'm in trouble, not cos i feel sad or down, but simply because I actually WANT to.

I think the same thing works with BGR. You don't "have to" do something for someone, you do something because you want to? What if that "want" becomes a "don't want"? ever? How will I go about solving this? How will my partner solve this? Maybe its not a question of solving a problem but both sides working together at something common. That's why having common goals in life is soo important.

wow..........

2011-05-21T10:17:00.003+08:00

I realize, i have to touch base with the deepest desires from my heart and cannot wander like a cloud, following the crowd. Ok my desires dont exactly follow the crowd but I have favourites out of the likeable things in life still.
And unless I stick to what I value most, I cannot be the most happy. I'm serious, you cannot be absolutely happy unless you're very honest about your favourite, for example, pasttime, among all the pasttimes you like.
And I didn't know how powerfully our goals and dreams can drive and motivate us....wow. And how much putting goals and dreams down in words can help. I am still praying for the chance to do what I want and go to those places.

who has your heart?

2011-05-19T10:52:00.003+08:00

seh...say...
sometimes i just think and look around me and i seriously ask myself,
Who has my heart? Is it God?

Keep me reminded of who You are

critical netizens

2011-05-09T15:47:00.004+08:00

Sigh...what can i say? in times like these when everyone just chooses one target to pick on and criticises online. Thank God that she really takes everything said in stride. Sometimes society just likes to talk about people, "arrow" someone...out of fun, jealousy maybe? But in a strange way, this actually brings more publicity than if people "liked" you....cos popularity is fleeting i feel. people are hard to please and politics is ALL about saying the "right" thing to the masses. In the words of very senior ministers themselves.

It's not like she's not going to do anything good for people, or it's not that she's doing something bad for people either. So wait and watch....before following the crowd, seriously.

Also i feel the whole point the opposition parties got more votes than other years is not because the present Primary Ruling Party is bad or mean but, hahaha, the younger generation-Y, (our parents are generation X) believes in competition because Competition invites COMPETENCY in any country, any organization that wants to do well. We fear complacency and overbearingness of a single-party, which oculd lead to...

I do admit though that times did change and the present primary ruling party DID a lot for us, fighting all the way for our "rights", bringing us out of racism and discrimination, post-war, starvation, poverty and established a lot of security, infrastructure for us...hm...yea they did do a lot for us...oh well....young people do enjoy watching a good game of "close fights"...sheesh. politics has become a sport...?

2011-05-04T12:56:00.003+08:00

help me to seek You first before i do anything.
help me to give all my wants and dreams to You...trusting you with them.
help me to ask You for things. with the right motives.
help me see the eternal value of something and not act out of the love of money.

in the dark of the night

2011-04-26T18:27:00.002+08:00

The Word really spoke to me yesterday when i was just so desperate and hungry from physical lack of rest and because i have been thinking too much. but thinking is good. not over thinking. then i realised when i was a kid "7 days without the bible makes one WEAK" the Onomatopia (or onometopia) or pun on the "week" word. So i knew i needed the bible.

yes books do give us fresh ways of looking at things but the actual word itself i think is more direct and God-breathed. so i actually forgo-ed the whole after-work-must-meet-some-friends thing and went straight home to read.

Every page i stumbled upon was what I NEEDED to read. the amazing part was it came from of all books, Ecclesiastes! I mean hello i read that on the way to KL zonal camp last year on the bus. I realised only one truth sank in that time. it was "I realised at the end of my life all toil is meaningless". can u believe it? that was the only truth that sank in that time.

This time round however, more and more truths sprang out to me. Every single verse had an APPLICATION to the circumstances and emotions i was going through yesterday. EVERY SINGLE verse and i anyhow (which means didn't really care, listlessly) flipped to a chapter. And oh man. It was soooo precise. Let me tell you, if you are HUNGRY for Him and what He has to say, His Holy Spirit will be right there and even give you the wrong book ( i didn't intend to read ecclesiastes) with the right words u need to hear.

food we desperately need

2011-04-25T09:39:00.006+08:00

i had a BAD saturday night. i had lack of sleep the night before, 5 hours of work the next day plus tuition and there was this girl pal of mine screaming for attention. and when i met her up at orchard road, told her my story and then she started scolding n judging me.

i will not tell her anything anymore to avoid being scolded. so......here i am clinging for the gracious truths in the bible that was spoken justly by God himself. You don't need to listen to advice that are spoken out of the person's own personal unresolved issues. (that's nothing to do with you at all). Seriously, deal with your own emotions and hurt first. And the best way to advice anyone is through your own example.

And as a result of being freaked out by her the night before, i missed church on sunday (but she's not in my church) and here i am writing out all these bible verses so i can go through my week.

fear not for i have redeemed you and called you by your name, you are mine. when you pass through the waters i will be with you, and through the rivers they will not overwhelm you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned nor scorched nor will the flame kindle upon you.
isaiah 43:1-2

“For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.” - 1 Peter 1:18-19

For we walk by faith and not by sight or appearance. 2 Cor 5:7

For i am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers nr height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to seaparate us from the love of God which is in Jesus christ our Lord.
Romans 8:38

an interesting post (warning: bgr ahead)

2011-04-23T01:04:00.005+08:00

I had a very interesting week. And today i heard from one of the brothers in Christ that it's a turn off or rather "Girls these days like to initiate dates and relationships". He seemed really turned off by this fact.

Food for thought: if we girls never did anything, no smiles, no eye contact (We kept looking at our book or at the floor) no laughter, no kind gestures, no hints, would you all want or dare to do anything at all???

I think, for bgr (boy girl relationships) books and countless of them have been written all with expert PhD holders of psychology degrees, sociology degrees etc. However those are but opinions of man, influenced by the many experiences they've had, the sharings of others' experiences and even religious beliefs. my conclusion is this: we have to still LET GOD WRITE OUR OWN LOVE STORY.

We cannot base our own story on other's life stories!! Even if the person were almost similar in background and upbringing to yourself, your cousin, your sibling, your best friend, your neighbour, your church mate, your schoolmate, you cannot cannot think that the WAY you meet your future partner will be even SIMILAR to the way you meet yours.

And this is just the meeting the person part. the whole story and how it unfolds HAS to be LED BY GOD every single (pun intended) step of the way. You have to be led by the Holy spirit. If the Holy Spirit tells the GIRL/WOMAN to initiate certain things, she HAS TO. (take a look at REBECCA and Isaac in the bible). Of course if nothing happens after she initiates something, then it was not meant to be. lol.

So this is just the prayer part. the whole joy and beauty of it is really in the anticipation of the whole story unravelling. Sometimes God hides the person (not literally) but so you don't know WHO he or she is till the time is right. Why? because....he was preparing both of you or one of you. Or there were a lot of things both of you needed to do FOR HIM or FOR OThERS before you met.

(btw, i cant believe i used my whole brain these few days thinking about this - about 2-3 days)

And so the whole mystery of it all really makes me lie back, smile, float on the open sea, gaze at the sky, smile, while i trust that He watches our backs.

grace AND truth

2011-04-11T16:28:00.009+08:00

reaching the point where work becomes work...*nervous laughter*. no more holiday.. ok now its the real thing and back to going through the tough parts of work. and the only way is through the whole debris literally. u cant escape from life's work and pain that comes together. so.....let's all face it (the painful parts of life). but of course there is always the encouraging word. ;) :)

I feel that there has to be always a good mix and balance of grace and truth in every thing we do. It cannot be ALL truth and then there's no grace. People die from suffocation and control and anxiety attacks and fatigue and no morale.

However being too nice and gracious will lead to complacency, over-high expectations that cannot be fulfilled, and false hope and unfulfilled promises. And people feel like weaklings as they don't step up to their true potential and GROW....

So the best would to have in any community and workplace, a good measure of BOTH. and to know where to apply each.

to the east, to the east

2011-04-05T15:05:00.003+08:00

Hello, this is soo cool. i actually get to be all the way in the EAST. hehehehe. and this new place brings tons of newfound energy, life and renewed hope and purpose. I don't know i guess there is much more space here.
i haven't moved, i actually am working at new site which is our lovely plane place. each day counts so much. oh but yah i really should quit bragging. it aint my intention to brag. and i'll only be here for like 1 mth plus anyway. i'm gonna make each day count.

spirit food.....u cant go 3 days without it

2011-04-01T11:58:00.002+08:00

1 I will sing of your love and justice;
to you, LORD, I will sing praise.
2 I will be careful to lead a blameless life—
when will you come to me?
psalm 101

1 Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the LORD, my soul.
Psalm 103

total honesty is the first step to the healing

2011-03-22T13:41:00.005+08:00

Lately i have had friends or acquaintances mention about themselves or others feeling insecure about themselves. I feel that the healing process or the beginning of becoming whole can only happen when we are honest about our insecurities and how we really feel on the inside before we truly can get healed and strengthened - yup, from the inside out. but the truth, the honest truth is, you have to be completely HONEST first, with God, with yourself. honesty is actually the key to ANY form of healing.

i agree that a lot of people try to look joyful or happy but you don't know what is truly going on inside.

and the secret is really this: admitting it to someone / anyone.
Know your own fears, failures, doubts, insecurities and get REAL about them. If you have been wrong about something, admit it. If you have been having this motive all along, just speak it out. You will be surprised that saying what you really think and feel to God, at least, starts the healing process.

getting secure with God means Getting to know Him not just know about Him. the simplest start is just to talk to Him about anything. It could be about the weather even, haha. when you have established some kind of connection, who needs spiritists and psychics when you have a loving Father and God?

to help or not

2011-03-22T11:22:00.002+08:00

Help spells friendship.
Or does it?

new placing

2011-03-17T13:42:00.004+08:00

finally, the big move has happened. erm, i had to learn from scratch everything DIY. (do it yourself). Which is really fun on its own actually.
From moving furniture to cleaning toilets to mopping to buying cleaning detergents, to laundry, to boiling water.....yay!! it is just so fun....my flat mate is a girl pal from same church as me....
with independence also comes a lot of extra duties. oh well but i do enjoy each season i have.

gruesome

2011-02-21T01:05:00.003+08:00

Ok i just watched this really cool yet scary show. but no worries it was not about.....horror nor murders. it was about survival instead....and i'm just thinking, gee we're that wired and the thing inside us (which is frankly, our spirits) survive and live for our dreams more than mere basic needs.
Argh......this guy was crazy in the show....yes one man mostly......but he was crazy...really. you could almost feel like you're really him in the show. and of course that show is none other than 127 hours....lol. but it was really good about the human spirit and how we fight for survival.
But pondering on the whole coolness part of it.......it got me thinking serious deep thoughts. like,
1) what is the thing that keeps us alive despite whatever....
2) when we meet our Creator, how will we feel?
3) when we meet our creator, what can we show him about our lives/did we do enough?
4) Is "loving our neighbor" about good actions and deeds or not harming them? or going the extra mile?
5）i feel everything, as long as the bible teaches it, is true and beneficial for the soul and for people.

my new blog entry

2011-02-15T01:33:00.004+08:00

sometimes the vday mood really shifts our focus back to....the humdrum of life...for those going through this stage of singlehood, i think i wanna encourage all of us to treasure and redeem the time we have to ourselves and oh yes, to pursure our passions in life. this time will be of no more when we all give of ourselves to our respective partners and new families.

also think about all the exercise we could get while we're single...as long as it doesn't become an addiction. good habits have higher chances of turning into addictions moreso cos they are good. imagine eating glass. why is it not ever going to be an addiction? that's because its hurtful and harmful to us.

so....back to topic....we have to make full use of every hour we have to ourselves, use it unto God also, for Him and unto Him....and with Him.

2011-01-31T22:58:00.004+08:00

God i pray this will be the year of the FRUIT of the SPIRIT and not about Rabbits or horoscopes. I pray we and people will be focussed on things of the spirit as in spiritual things and not only wealth and horoscopes, numerology, occultic practices. We renounce and nullify break the works of horoscopes, astrology, occult, fortune telling, curses, fears, numerology, spiritists, palmistry, false religion and beliefs, rituals, and witchcraft this year for everyone reading this.

We break and nullify generational curses, curses, strongholds, spiritual bondages, oppression, anger, sins or bad things said by others to us in the past present and future and claim upon every blessing and good thing God has in store for those who love Him and believe in Christ's death n resurrection.

please Lord, cleanse our sins too, forgive our sins as we sincerely forgive those who have said or done things against us, consciously or unconsciously. We forgive them just as you sacrificially gave Jesus and forgave us. We pray and seek your purposes and blessings for us this year and beyond.

I pray for a heightened awareness of God-things of everyone and not only good things in the world. I pray more and more will awaken in their spirit man to hear from You and to be curious to find out the one true God and to know you through dreams, visions, people, literature, media of Your truths and of Your presence.

In Jesus's most precious name, Amen

symptoms of pride

2011-01-28T00:12:00.014+08:00

I read somewhere pride is not just showing off what we have. it rears its ugly head in other forms:

fearing failure too much.
comparing ourselves with others too much.

Are these fears from people around us, or ourselves, or some other external voice or God?
What is the root reason why we fear so much?

What is the fine line between "healthy pressure" from people around and the real, frustrating, fear that numbs and confuses us about the direction we have planned for ourselves and what God has shown/spoken to you personally?

Is it a need or a want to follow what our peers are doing and saying?
It it is not a need, why is it a must or a want then?

spiritual

2011-01-24T01:27:00.002+08:00

What to say when i've got nothing to write about...
Sometimes, people we meet often or our family becomes our own life journals or blogs. They are there to listen to our every sigh, joy, complain, go through life with us. The question is this then, do we take them as a wall or er, punching bag...haha. I don't mean literally but a lot of times we tend to treasure people we see less, more. We are more polite to strangers, for example.
If you don't see your blog under "blogs i follow" its a logical reason - you have not updated your blog the past one whole year. and being on my reading list and links i happened to notice it, so it would save me a lot of time to just zoom in on blogs that are still active and not dormant or extinct...heh.
This week my cell was discussing the book of ezekiel. we were amazed he was even asked to do such weird and strange things, like lie on his left side for 390 days representing the 390 years Israel rebelled against God. Like for instance, seriously, how does he even go to the toilet? So the challenge was this: Would we do what God would ask us to do, even if it were something totally out of character?

dispensing somewhat useful or useless advice

2011-01-09T02:03:00.003+08:00

Look world...here comes kim's writings again.
Ok....i really believe in the words Seize the Day cos really everything from the start does happen for a reason and God is sovereign. God could have said "Ok Adam and Eve you have sinned, so let's restart making earth again!" But he didn't. He let things carry on as they were. So He is still sovereign and in control....

totally moved by this great movie i just watched but only liked the last one third of it which was the love between the couple. the guy totally loved the girl and was sacrificial. the girl also loved the guy but didn't verbalise it directly. she was afraid of troubling him for the rest of his life because she had parkinson's disease. but he told her this "I don't care. Even if it means I have to carry you around..." They were in tears by then....oh man. Ok of course the movie could have abided by God's rules right from the start. I think if it were a lot cleaner the first 2 thirds, it could have probably won an Academy award. But well in the end things took a turn and changed into love. real sacrificial love.

issues, circumstances, problems.....

2011-01-03T23:14:00.002+08:00

Sigh. What would life be, without problems?
The strange thing is that with every problem or issue comes a golden chance, a chance to set things right, a chance to prove God's might in you.
A gal pal once said in her email to a group, "Embrace the process of whatever goal you aim at."
Destination is important but equally important is the best friend called process. So instead of screaming running sighing crying or asking for help all the time, i will embrace the process of facing life. Some singer also mentioned that without the bad things of life, you wont enjoy the good. Without bitter and sour, u don't know what sweet means. Without winter, there cant be spring. For me is without pain there cant be appreciation of no-pain.

contact lenses

2011-01-02T01:14:00.003+08:00

A Totally spent day.

This new year,
I'm seeking to know fully and understand your divine plan for me as to where exactly you want me to go and what u want me to do. I pray for open and closed doors FROM You.

I rejoice over movies done by christian producers who have likeminded brothers and sisters in Christ pray over them so there are breakthroughs in the spiritual realm.

I am happy to meet marketplace christians who do a great job, or enjoy their jobs thoroughly and are actively finding ways to share their faith in little ways. heh.

I Seek to grow in perseverance and adaptability and apply proverbs or psalms to my life not read but apply and act on it.I hope to enjoy in reading and applying the Ryrie Bible given to me.

New is not present and not old.

2011-01-01T00:48:00.002+08:00

i love words - playing with them, arranging them, different arrangements can bring out different tones and meanings...and attitudes. My English teacher in college when i was 17 once mentioned that influential people of the past used emotive words that could alter people's emotions and change thinking. She gave us extracts of such speeches made in the past and told us to highlight the phrases or sentences that were not so much factual but emotive.

This is the verse for the day:

“This is what the LORD says— he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” - Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

do we worry too much

2010-12-16T00:37:00.004+08:00

I miss the times i was overseas on some expedition. I miss roughing it out in jungles, crossing rivers, swimming in dirty rivers for recreation, running in the rain to the nearest shelter, building little shelters, waking at 530am for group QT.
But then again....
We have it too here in singapore. its just that whatever we do is a lot more modernised. we are still working, in the rainy weather, talking to people, getting rejected, running (except in the rat race this time). sometimes i feel the only thing we gotta look out especially here is that we take care of our healths and others' (people around) healths and well being. sometimes work gets the better of us and the fear of losing what we have (aka money). maintaining our money in the bank becomes more important than our happiness, our sleep, our health, our enjoyment of life and what God has provided and will provide.
Jesus said,
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
If you look around, you will see that thise verse is true. Matt 6:26

cured my phobia

2010-12-13T22:03:00.004+08:00

reflecting, i realised things i was afraid of in 2006 till oct 2010, now i'm no more afraid of. Working experience does cure phobias big time. :)

my lamest blog

2010-12-10T01:25:00.002+08:00

Sigh there were comments from 1 friend that my this blog is lame. but seriously i designed it to be lame and almost blameless....what to do when....the whole world knows this blog. right anot?

So you must know where you keep your info...on the rite spaces. heh.
I am currently very occupied for various performance reasons, with the song......."Identity" by Lecrae, a black american, christian hip hopper.(check out his fantastic youtubes)
This whole week has made me seriously think.......can i do this job?

Is this what i want long term? Is this what God wants for me? Is this what I want or what my friends think i can do? Is this what i believe i can do deep down? Or is this what my friends suggested i can do? Is this a job i chose cos my good friends are in it? Or is it what i personally have a desire for and confidence in? Even if my friends say "i don't think its an easy job." or "Are you the type for this?" do i really believe i can do it? is my interest and confidence enough to sustain through longer haul? see? i don't EVEN trust what good friends suggest or advice 100%. I tried praying very seriously sunday night. on my knees. before i drifted into dreamworld, just before the dream started, there seemed to be this impression of being in a job (maybe not now) where it was possible for me to travel overseas. i duno......if you see a map and a sail boat, or compass.....hopefully some lobang for overseas placements in future. but maybe its a job where i start small
and in sg.

last weekend's sermons

2010-12-03T01:27:00.000+08:00

Ok....I was really ministered to by an Indonesian pastor who shared all the trials of his life and in others back in his hometown and how You have brought them through and sometimes, healed them completely.

First point he mentioned was "If anyone of u is sick or even have cancer, don't just sit there and wait to be healed. Go out there and pray for others WORSE than you.You will be surprised at God's results."

Second point that struck me to the spirit was this "How is it possible that a life lived with God in the centre can EVER be miserable?"

how can a life lived with God in the centre EVER be miserable?

2010-12-01T12:59:00.003+08:00

I was feeling a little down or disappointed yesterday. Still i decided to go for the interview that I already agreed to go for. No doubt i was late but my last student, Yoon Siik seemed not to be coming for class (Very late) so I told my colleague to take him should he come.
After the long squeezy mrt ride where everyone had just enough space to breathe and shake a little in their 1 square foot standing space, i finally arrived. This is it! Late! I'm either going to get asked to come back the next time there are interviews or get turned down at the entrance.
Surprisingly, they let me come into the group interview. I was reluctant to start. No way would someone as displaced (feeling at that time), out of place, unprepared and unsure about myself do well presenting a 15 min lesson to the group of other interviewees. I even told the interviewer twice, "Please let me go. I am sorry but I didn't prepare anything. I'll come back the next time round."
Twice she insisted for me to stay by reminding me about my previous teaching experience (teach what you taught before) and that I should just do my best since I was already there.
Ok....might as well, I thought. I didn't want to spoil the mood of everyone there as they were hopeful and enthusiastic and I was like trembling or tongue tied with writer's block (or lesson block) inside. So i scrambled to write some notes down and the memories came back. Science lesson? No....i forgot my facts. Maths lesson? No....Too boring I won't even be interested in my lesson. English lesson? Ok....Then the ideas rolled in. Just like that. From the 2 day training course i had on teaching in january, to charades i played with friends, to the beautiful story about Jackie Robinson.
The group dynamics was good. Everyone wanted to make friends with everyone after that. A life lived with God in the centre miserable?

to the KL and back

2010-11-25T01:20:00.002+08:00

Was surprised by the pleasantness and bonded-ness of everyone on this trip. There were very very funny hiccups on the first day, on the way there, but eventually, things got sorted out. I just knew in my gut, gut feeling? that the 3rd car driving up to KL, given the combination of people on it, would result in th 4 of them getting lost. I was kinda anticipating it.
For one, the 4 of them, except 1, were the playful and jovial/chatty sort. Who seemed less street-wise literally. They would be more focussed on the group being happy, and talking to everyone. What navigation would result unless they were born and bred in KL? Sigh. FYI, that car finally reached KL only at 7.30pm way after all our dinners were eaten. They looked very tired, frustrated but relieved. They became closer friends as a result.

Not bad eh....3 lost people + 1 streetwise person still = lost. Lol.They were armed with GPS too, on phone and on computer....
.....While we (2nd car) had nothing but 3 streetwise ppl + 1 sleeping beauty which still = Found the place quickly.

The 1st car went alone by itself to reach only around the same time as us.
I only remembered walking aimlessly around some mall. BATA was there! i got 2 pairs of sandals at $12 and $14! My head was crying out to go back to sleep so I (my mind) was totally not there. The night before we were clowning around at botanic gardens trying to sing carols or practice. And i was too excited about road trip to sleep. So again, 2 to 3 hours of sleep does damage!!

I never remembered the shopping nor the malls, nor the massage place nor the hotel. What i remembered and treasured were the friendships and the spiritual insight, fears and hopes, dreams i shared with people on the trip.

you can't plant and grow the seed

2010-11-23T00:06:00.005+08:00

Ergh.....When you're really uncomfortable about life and in life at times, or feel lost or demoralized or worse down in the dumps, that's when the Bible or Word of God really speaketh to you (to me actually). Ok for the record, i'm definitely not down in the dumps nor depressed. I'm just doing damage prevention for days like that.

lol....I just mean that we all have days like that but it should remain as "a day" and the bible says "do not let the sun go down on your anger" but i feel it should also be said, "do not let the sun go down on your down-ness".

I was suddenly reminded of the parable of the sower today and about sowing seeds into people around, not matter how little the seed may be or how little you think you can speak/talk, a seed is still better than no seeds sown into your friend's life.

As much as one can sow a seed, someone at church told me, only God can grow it. A very good reminder for us to Do our part but leave the results to Him. Not by human effort but what God wills and does.

1 Corinthians 3
5 What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. 6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. 7 So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 8 The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. 9 For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

i wanna know what love is....

2010-11-19T01:11:00.002+08:00

Today was an amazing workout again, this time really emphasizing on building up to the 5 Dec Standard Chartered event that 15000 or more Singaporeans are going for...I like the anticipation of preparing for something. jogging is one of the best ways to really talk to God and refresh yourself of important things to plan for mostly goals like career, friendships, and important events.

I also walked home from near, not exactly at, my workplace again. And the Mariah carey song "I wanna know what love is" kept ringing in my mind....and what my ex colleagues were discussing about love yesterday. I agree, love is an action word. A verb.

But the bible has its own version of love. Love is patient, love is kind.....etc. But this love is built into one's character first. It looks like for us Christians, we have to actually store up/build up our love tank first. Then we can give to another.

So it now adds on to 1) Building love in our hearts first, receiving love from God. then 2) Giving to others through actions and deeds and words

"Love", really?

2010-11-18T02:19:00.000+08:00

Notice how the world especially the usa, ok it all started from the USA (oops no offence again), who used the words "LOVE" so easily...My colleague loves (oops used again) to tell us girl colleagues this: "You guys nowadays use the word "LOVE" so freely and easily, its as though, what - you think love DROPS on your lap or something? you fall IN and OUT of love?"
"You know what love really is?" he continued..
"Love is like those senior couples we meet on the streets at 60 or 70 years old, they're still holding hands.Or your parents fought the day before and the next day, your mom still wakes up at 5am to make tea for your dad. Like as though nothing happened."

Argh.....so we discussed 3 of us.....and we came to the conclusion that love is 1) a verb (actions) and 2) grows in a relationship and 3) is proven with time

plastic surgery

2010-11-17T18:09:00.003+08:00

No, in case you're reading and wondering if i went or am ever considering this, the answer is NO. a firm no. I'm talking about issues, or things that really hit hard the human psyche, to the point that it changes your heart.Why do women even NEED plastic surgery, they are pretty the way they are with just some grooming of the hair and glasses and makeup and dressing. tip: look at magazines. Bring out the best

I would never imagine that reading KIDS books..would create a well of emotions in me about different people groups and people in other countries so much. Despite them being English books for kids, each book and illustration tells a story and brings out a moral so strong sometimes that I really weep.

I was really touched when i read about how black baseball players were not allowed on baseball teams in usa too. and finally this coach decided to make his stand and say "I just want a player that plays well. Don't care about his skin color" and advertised for a black player that would "have the courage of NOT FIGHTING BACK, no matter how he was treated."

Jackie, the guy who signed up for this post on the team, had to deal with so much ill treatment but he stuck to his promise, "to have the courage not to fight back". Indeed looking around and at myself, i realise it takes so much more COURAGE and i duno, gentleness and humility, not to fight back than fight back. Its always easier to fight back, to pull the trigger, to shove hurt back, to retaliate and the world teaches us better, "give them a taste of their own medicine". Proverbs talks about "Better a man who can control his anger than a man who can conquer cities".

And oh yes the end of the story was this: Jackie had to go through all the hardships at first in fitting in with the team. He STUCK to his promise: To have the courage to not fight back.

Then on one of his matches, the fans started to get angry when they saw a black player and threw their drinks at him. His teammate a white decided to stand up for him and took bold steps towards the middle of the field......and put his arm around Jackie, telling the crowd this. "Stop. Jackie is my FRIEND." The crowd was stunned.

Ultimate wisdom and the final authority

2010-11-15T23:04:00.004+08:00

U know what? I realised you can read soooo many dozens and even tons of books from Christian writers, even christian writers. But nothing beats the Good Old Bible which IS still the final authority. Yes, final. U saw it, final.

Almost every step of life is already predicted with words of wisdom given there.

avoiding any Mr Wrongs

2010-11-14T20:36:00.011+08:00

Speaking on behalf of single ladies who are anything like me:
Examples of Mr Wrongs:
1) Emotionally unstable
2) Don't have an ongoing relationship with God
3) Have vices (smoking drinking gambling, etc)
4) Are different person at work, in real life, with family, friends
5) Not Honest
6) No love for others
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FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER
by Dov Heller, M.A.

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the 1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone'; You need a lot more.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone.What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life. Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. An abusive person is someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? A good person Is "someone always striving to be good and do the right thing"? What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self's absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:

* How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.
* How do they treat their parents and siblings?
* Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse.
If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.

The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.
It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective...
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention...
Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones don't appreciate you?
Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and caring words or annotations.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye';

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self esteem make you blind to warning signs.

Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain.

Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

Writer's block (very lame post)

2010-11-12T00:35:00.003+08:00

You know sometimes if you teach too much or if you have the occupation "hazard" of being a writer, journalist or teacher, you actually get writer's block in your own journals or blog because you have said everything you want to say already.

So here I am.....fumbling. I am just really glad thus far at least from start of the week till now the Lord has been really good to people around me and myself. And...he does put us through trials at times and even for myself....it was serious tiredness from running a job or work marathon. I have been working non stop in whatever job I have landed since January this year. There has been job switches and all but still the fact remains, I have not stopped working despite some of them giving very low pay only. But nonetheless the experience, whether friendships forged, or insightful conversations, character building and lessons learnt, has always been very valuable.

Maybe i should be wiser and choose high paying jobs but how can I go against my own conviction and "advice" to others and journals written.....and choose money or status (being in a big company) over passion and calling (what i like and do best).

As you read remember that i already said this would be a lame post where i'm writing
70% for the sake of writing. Now the book by C.S. Lewis I took so long to read last year though it was a thin book, seems more applicable.

but as for me....

2010-11-05T01:33:00.006+08:00

I can't believe my moods can be this erratic sometimes. It's all circumstantial sometimes or rather, the word "memory based" which really should not be the case. At times like these i remember people in the bible who went through bad times.
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Forget it. It's not that i will stop bother what people say. I just will not TRY to please people....anymore. I have had it. I will just please God first and then if anything else or people choose to be pleased, then they will please themselves. if that is even possible. :s why are people so hard to please? you please one group and the other group doesn't like it. for-get-it. i will choose to trust in God, put my hope in His plans and let the rest of my life be at rest in His stability. Of course, I'd still put in my best in er.....the work or job i choose. and calling(s) i have which is what i'm trying to put my finger on in defining. some SDU club for singles, or some...non profit dating, meeting thingy. or some...social something. or kids hangout, or young adults community...

Suddenly This song was a great source of encouragement, a song from Psalty (the singing songbook). Reminds me of my childhood days running around bawling it out around the house but always wondering what it meant:

You gotta choose this day whom you're gonna serve
Choose this day whom you're gonna serve
But as for me and my house (we will serve Him)
As for me and my house (We will love Him)
As for me and my house
We will serve the Lord
Joshua 24 : 15
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2010-11-01T01:21:00.004+08:00

Everything in life is about the person's focus. And things that matter to him/her/them at that moment/period in time. And reading "Women - God's secret weapon" by Ed Silvoso recently and ongoingly, i find that the Enemy, the devil likes to shift our focuses away from the right things. shift it away from what is good and of God.
It's either a sudden distraction or a slow and gradual sin or focus away from things of God.
It is God's intention to unite women to men. The gender fights and inequality and disparity has been ongoing too long.
I feel women should know their/our value in God's eyes for we were created from another human and not from dust direct. (heehee)

devotion

2010-10-27T17:22:00.003+08:00

Adapted from ODJ "Our Daily Journey" Dec 17
This devotional spoke to me yesterday while i was seriously making decisions.

"We have some friends, a young married couple, living with us. Finished with one part of their university studies we've applied to a variety of graduate schools to continue their coursework. But they have no idea where they will end up. The possibilities are all over the map from Boston to Vancouver. They filled out many applications and been through interviews and carefully considered options. Now all they did was to pray and wait for the day the postman brings news of the future.

Psalms 5 begins with a straightforward request "O Lord hear me as I pray pay attention to my groaning" The psalmist King David was experiencing some measure of loss, sorrow or torment. He was in pain "groaning". In his difficult place, David wanted God to hear His agony. He needed God to listen to his "cry for help".

David didn't run to his advisors or wife or he many wise sages of his court for aid. None could help him. He didn't roll up his sleeves and pore over documents, figuring out a solution to his predicament.

He knew he couldn't help himself so he went directly to the only One who could meet him in his darkness. "I pray to no one but You," David said. David waited, watching for God. David's only work was not to work. He waited, watching for God. He decided to bring his heart and hope to God then to wait expectantly.

The Message Bible puts it this way "Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend." --Winn Collier

the toughest dilemma

2010-10-25T15:11:00.006+08:00

Sigh.....have you ever been in the toughest, stickiest (very hard to get out of) dilemma. yes call it a good problem as most would but it was horrible for me. I said "yes" to two job offers and then....u this week i had the horrendous task of rejecting one cos there's no way u can split yourself into two and do both jobs (duh).

I was debating between 1) passion (a job scope i really loved) and 2) Ok but quite a fresh job scope but more practical practicality (in terms of working hours and salary) and guess which won in the end?

Er....pragmatism. Yes note the hesitation. I was always the strong advocate of people following their heart or passion in a job. However this is not what i put into action for myself. But wait, I really wasn't offered enough (salary and freedom in working hours) for the first job offer. Sigh. AND aren't we singaporeans all the same? We always do what we HAVE to do first.

My thinking is this....I was given quite a golden opportunity and failing to seize it would mean a big chance/work experience missed. and seldom do you get a chance to work in interesting places (to me) like this one. I do love helping random people in a customer service environment, administratively, like doing paper work for them, registering them for this and that, even giving them advice from what i know.
As for teaching, yes its in my blood (a cousin and my mom are teachers).

But hey, who said we only have to consider JOB SCOPE? If the job meets our financial needs every month, the timings for work every day is okay, bills are paid and there is a bit of savings, wont we feel more comfortable about work and energized to meet each days's challenges? Of course passion is a good driving force as well. But that alone hm.....can I sustain my living expenses in a fast paced eveergreen metropolitan City that I'm in now?

But i was given FEEDBACK from senior teachers at the beginning of the year that i didn't seem to have the patience or the joy or whatever u call it, in teaching. But then again it was MATHs i was teaching that time. hardly my passion. this time i was given LIT to teach.....argh. But yup practicality first....like i said.

Alas, i kissed teaching goodbye at least as a full time job. but i believe when i've attained what i need to attain (experience and feeling more settled), i will DEFINITELY come back....to teach. In that private school who has a wonderful Korean couple. there will always be a korean market in singapore.

On resting and working

2010-10-21T13:44:00.005+08:00

On rest
"In the modern, westernized world we think of our days as sun rise to sun rise. In other words, we rise, we work, and then we end the day in rest. We rest to recover from our work ... with whatever time is left over after the work is done.

However, in the ancient Jewish tradition the day runs from sundown to sundown. That's quite a different concept. In other words, we rest, then we rise and do our work. Rest becomes the source and fuel for the work rather than merely recovery from it." - Rachel Olsen

Tada! I finally got my much deserved rest and thorough proper sleep hours the last night! ahhhh........never felt soo recharged.

Genesis 2:2
By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested [a] from all his work. 3 And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

On work
Gen 3
17 To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,'
"Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it
all the days of your life.

18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.

19 By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return."

passion. working hours. salary.

2010-10-15T00:47:00.002+08:00

1) is it consistent with the Word of God?
hm, teaching is consistent. so are the other jobs in question (that i have interest in). as his hands and his feet to the rest of the world who have not known Him, teaching others is good. If we are the body, why aren't we helping, going, teaching, showing the way? Helping others through counting, engineering, or reading drawings, interpreting data, etc. Helping through administration and paper work is also a form of service unto God. If we are gifted to teach, we teach. If we are gifted to count, we count. If we're gifted to talk and meet people and not afraid of rejections, we do sales. As long as we're not harming others, not hurting others, loving God, loving people (though it may require tremendous human effort to), not stealing, it should be fine.

2) is it beneficial to me? am i being mastered by it or under its control?
Most jobs are beneficial except those morally wrong. Or those where your body is not the temple of the Holy spirit. Those where you may end up worshipping another god or be tempted to. Or that takes your time away from God and gathering of His body of people. A job that has roots (even ancient roots) in worshiping of other spirits is not too good. Or where you have to steal or kill the innocent. Grey areas exist sometimes. Bottom line: if the job is your God or if your job takes time and focus from God and quenches your thirst for Him, it may not be the right job.

3) am i hindering another person in their walk with God?
tough one. I guess modeling Christ and His ways in our reactions and attitudes especially in bad times will show others His heart. So...how do i answer this question. Being Christian is about BEING not the job you do right?

4) are my parents, and other godly believers in agreement with what i do??
They usually agree about what I do. (or that's what i perceive). Usually. Unless its morally wrong or when your closer friends have no peace about it or they have evidence and facts that this job is non-peaceful.

5) do i have the peace of God about it?
yup yup its all about Passion, then the PEACE. Then the Pay. then the Price (time's opportunity cost)

6) open doors? favour?
Ahhh this one is fun to answer. Usually i first judge it by the interviewer who is usually the boss himself/herself. If she/he likes me, i will proceed.
Next round is the people at the company. If they SEEM friendly and generally nice and look like they are growing and interested, i would take another step in. then the surroundings or building itself would come into question.

7) has God revealed His leading in dreams, visions, impressions or prophecies given through others?
I HAVE NOT BEEN HAVING VISIONS nor DREAMS about anything thus far...no directions anywhere. how??? are we to depend on these signs mainly or the Word?

8) check my heart... are my motives good before God?
ahhh....i don't know there are no motives at all in both choices. no big save the world plan at all seriously. I don't even think i'm called to save or whatever. i only want to do my psychology or counselling everywhere. hm, that is the call after all huh.

if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad?

2010-10-11T11:51:00.006+08:00

Hm I am really analyzing this sentence in a song of the famous singer Sheryl Crow.

Ooooh just married off another one of my cousins (girl) yesterday.

I mean helped her a bit only with her reception and being 1 and half hours earlier than all the guests (which is a big feat for me if you know me).

I was actually very glad in helping, making friends with her friends and colleagues, mostly in medical field. They were all quite formal but polite and approachable and helpful. Helped erase the bad memories of this week away not that the week was THAT bad...but i was super kan Chiong (anxious in hokkien) about what to wear, how unprepared i was for a relative's wedding. And it turned out ok. Oh and i met old school mates and one old church mate who was actually related (cousins) to that ex church mate. Like my senior in NJC Council said (Miss O. whom i also met there and she is doing well) "This world is not small. We're just all very inter-connected someway or another." Miss O. was getting the wedding cake and she was congratulating me about my interviews coming up this week. And then this is the part: HAHAHAHOHOHOHEHEHE. my cousin was trying to put me with her childhood friend. She put him next to me at the dinner table hello when he's the only one not blood related to us at the table? How un-subtle can she get? Anyway she and he (groom and bride) gave each other surprise or not so surprise wedding speeches which were kinda more funny than romantic (lol). And this I am happiest to see : Equal Yokes. Of 2 believers coming together and working for the Lord. It's super important personally I feel to have this in common with the person you choose to fall in love with. Because human emotions and relationships ARE fragile, couples need that common strand to keep them going.

Sweet i love wedding days.

Truth is my job is actually the perk of my day every day and the ironic part is 1) its only a temp job!!! 2) i'm paid per hour an ok sum that pays my monthly bills 3) IT'S A JOB not a hobby or recreation, 4) Atmosphere and People here are 85% nice and reasonable almost all the time, except for 5% angry or frustrated or impatient customers who train our EQs and capacity to be nicer people (to them) and oh yes the horrible weekend crowds and overcrowded pool.:P there were a few times a monkey (should be the same one) visited the pool and played with the kids on the slides and in the kids pool. and once the pool was overcrowded by 50 people....and people still wanted to come and swim. so we had to stop them.

:( then :)

2010-10-09T00:42:00.002+08:00

I love times which start out as :( then becomes :) in the end.
For starters, the stress is on as its my tuition kid's PSLE. So that equates to 3 or 4 tuition sessions this week in the hope that he or both of them would be motivated to stardee out of enjoying the process studying and learning new things AND not only for the sake of good grades.
Ok....what else...one big interview where i finally put my best foot forward and tried to impress the judges oops i mean the interviewers. Usually i keep wondering before and DURING the interview whether I should even have gone for the interview, whether i should put my best forward or be brutally honest about how i feel about myself in the job, and whether I would accept the job if they 'wanted' me. Lesson for the week: Putting my best foot forward despite doubting my ability to do the job.

The question i keep asking myself is What job do i have the passion for?
Without the PAssion....(oh haha....i love my temp job there by the way (pun intended)) it would be pointless unless we're dying of starvation (working for the money only).

So... so.... prospects are what you make out of it. please don't go listening to friends who advice you to choose "this or this" out of prospects because prospects are what you carve out from your own passions. you can have the strangest passion that no one else shares, but if you can turn it into something that helps people, that keeps you close to God still, that pays the bills, that uses your gifts, why not??

2010-10-04T14:54:00.000+08:00

At the end of our lives, the Lord searches not for the medals we received but rather, the scars.

how could it not be God? (last paragraph)

2010-10-02T23:28:00.004+08:00

The asian way of thinking sometimes makes me cringe and wonder if the values we have and get used to and evenn uphold on daily basis is actually better than the western way of thinking and doing things. I will say that no every asian is good or filial and neither is every westerner ambitious and unflilial.

I really want to do some research on this. I should read Ravi Zakarias's book "From East to the West" next on his growing up in both sides of the world.

I don't know what sort of blog posts i should put up....the abstract subject based type or the daily happenings and events reflection type...

Lastly but probably the best things that have happened to me thus far at the place i temporarily work at is this :
i've been bumping into so many people of the past whom i thought i wouldn't meet again! and these are old church mates. not old in age but i knew them in sunday school kinda thing? and over the years they've left but not left in heart but physically left to go to a nearer church to their homes or left to go with their parents somewhere God led them to go, and hey presto! there i meet them! at the place I work! So far I've met 3 or 4 of them. We were all meeting each other without planning at all. It's such an encouragement to me that i feel strongly must be from God otherwise how would it happen, by sheer coincidence? I really don't think so...

Narrowing down

2010-10-02T00:48:00.003+08:00

Ok I have narrowed down to 2 main choices. 2 and a half because the current temp job i'm at seems tolerable and almost decent and nice. Great opportunity is there. the first proper offer came in today at long last. it was definitely a scope i have passion for and would love to grow in seriously long term and mid term.one of the jobs i could would really love.a job i can really learn a lot. cos i'm totally new but totally interested.

The other i have already tried and tested before, something i like but being creative, getting the kids to like you, and TO TALK to you, and to do well is a learning journey. inspiring them is another thing. but the best part is your on your own to get this done. its up to you to go to their level of thinking and relating to get them to love learning.

the final choice is the one im in now. er........its interesting and passive. u just sit there and wait for people to talk to you and ask strange questions about activities and handle complaints and suggestions and process administraiton work for their memberships, courses, etc. collect money. i feel like a cashier or tax collector, security guard, clerk, counsellor, information counter, public relations exec, etc.

so these are all good people jobs. :) hm, every job has a hazard and its just what i can give up and willing to give up or what i can tolerate/take every day to get to do what i do.
Factors: Interest and passion
Working hours/ days
salary
Ability to grow and learn
Environment

2 insurance closures, 2 movies, 2 interviews (in one day)

2010-09-30T09:11:00.005+08:00

Proud of myself. If you're confused, read the title. it happened all from 10am till 11.18pm yesterday (the last event was 2nd movie).

This is the first time I have had 6 appointments, 2 of which happened to be same place as the previous appointment, so 4 places.

First interview.....very very interesting. Liked the company culture. Very multi national. Job scope ok but need tons of "Ready, shine, let's go!....(one hour plus of talking later).....Let's go to the next one." That kind of energy EVERY single day of work life. Keeps you on the move, smiling, cheerful, meeting people, and talking a lot, being creative and exciting.

Second interview...er....slower paced, very nurturing and relaxed. At own pace, doing what i like a lot. But pay wise will remain pretty much the same till...at least 1 and half years. But pay was never the first reason of consideration. Passion for a job scope is. So...

First movie: total flop. Nowhere boy the movie.
2nd movie: 4.5 stars over 5. the infidel. extremely funny but more memorable is the strong messages behind it.

By insurance closures i dont mean taking up a policy. I mean rejecting one agent and freelooking another one's policy....jialat. i am such a frugal scrooge

Like Jacob

2010-09-29T01:19:00.007+08:00

Like Jacob I will not move until you speak.
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You said "He was insulted but did not relaliate, he suffered and made no threats. Instead he entrusted himself to him who judges justly." 1 Peter 3:23
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I am shocked and amazed you know the exact page and exact verse in the book to flip to when I can't verbalise my thoughts became troubled.